Six years clean from PMO, but the struggle goes ever on.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by SRL, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Best to stay away altogether though... surely? Esp in the early stages, yeah?
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  2. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Absolutely! My main point was that as your brain's pathway's unwire you get more resistant to the occasional surfing for actresses or bikinis...but we're never completely safe.
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  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Dropping back in to get back in the saddle. Still clean — 1600 days! — but I've been bingeing again.

  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Today officially marks 1600 days clean from PMO. Wow. Almost 4.5 years. Unreal.

    SRL, everyone.
    40New30 likes this.
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Wonderful, man! :D You're an inspiration.
    SRL likes this.
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Thanks, man! Hanging in there. :)
  7. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    I know a reboot is not just about days clean but action in our life and improving are overall mental and physical health, but if you have been clean for 1600 days why are you getting back in the saddle and bingeing again, how are you clean for 1600 days it's confused me.
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2018
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  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Sure, good questions. I haven't PMOed in more than 1600 days. (That means no Os that weren't in the presence of or assisted by a woman.) But when I'm in a bad place, I watch P . . . not even for any reason. 'getting back in the saddle' means getting clean from *watching* P, too. Kicking PMO was tough but comparatively easy for me when compared to avoiding all online triggers.

    Watching P also goes hand in hand with work frustration, depression, and other stressors.

    Hope that clears things up some. :)

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  9. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    Thanks for replying, good luck staying porn and porn sub free
    SRL likes this.
  10. eqmindcomp

    eqmindcomp Member

    232 days -- that's huge, my longest in the last six months has been 3 weeks...I'm curious, when you get to that lofty point where you command the enterprise better, can you distinguish between normal healthy sex and the insidious lustball that lurks beneath?
    SRL likes this.
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I can't answer for SRL, but my view of sex and sexuality has dramatic changed now that I'm at almost 2 years of sobriety. Once you start having regular relations with a woman you really don't want to go back to the internet for gratification. PMO is like dining out at McDonald's everyday. The lustball fades away as the palate cleanses itself.
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  12. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    What a good question. For me, I can say that a certain sexual compulsion faded as I moved further and further into my reboot. For example, I think a lot of us can relate to the damaging phenomenon of seeing all women as sex objects. I certainly did, in many cases. But as I moved into my reboot, those feelings faded slowly away, replaced with more healthy friendships with women -- and men, for that matter. Certainly my romantic relationships improved.

    The improvement in sex is immeasurable. I get normal erections like I used to, without my mind "going dark" midway through an encounter. (So often, my PMO-addled brain would simply shut down. I'd feel nothing for the person who shared my bed.)

    Hope that helps.

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  13. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    1,763 days.

    Doing better, everyone. I've been depressed as hell but hanging in there and not bingeing.

  14. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Doing better, but still feeling sour sometimes. It's been a tough year. I need to remember that:

    • My problems are my own and no one else's.
    • Communication is important, but I don't have to talk about every damn thing.
    • I need to focus on finishing things and deal with difficult milestones with speed-----stop putting things off.

    I honestly don't have a great feeling about how this year's going to pan out. It might end up bad for me. I hope not.

  15. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Boy that is a bugaboo with me as well. I procrastinate when something is difficult. The procrastination only makes the situation worse.

    It's funny how not procrastinating puts me more in control of things in my life and my inner self, if that makes sense.
    When I feel under control I am less aimless and harmful things such as P have less pull.
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  16. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I feel you, brother. Same here. Sometimes the desire to procrastinate is painful in a way. The prospect of actually engaging with what I need to do brings me actual mental distress.

    Thanks for the comment, and hang in there. Lots of love.

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  17. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Man, I feel so sad today. Not even violently depressed or anything — just really, really sad about the state of my life.

  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Smile and breathe in deeply three times. We have the power to turn our sadness to something less than sadness. The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says "smile, you are more than just your sorrow.

    We've all been sad enough, down enough, diminished enough. Rise up, brother!
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  19. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Thanks for the kind words, brother. I hear you. Lots of love to you. SRL.
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  20. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Remember to eat the elephant slowly, small goals.
    It feels GOOD to accomplish goals, it feels BAD to not accomplish anything each day. We should all be setting small goals and accomplishing them! Peace, brother.
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