Six years clean from PMO, but the struggle goes ever on.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by SRL, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Thanks, man. Had a bad week. Trying to get back on the wagon. I didn't relapse into PMO, but I've been bingeing P lately. Ugh.

    SRL, all!
     
  2. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Sorry to hear you had a bad week, SRL. Keep up the Yoga and try to come here instead of binging on P, I reckon: time spent here is time away from the beast.

    I send you posi-vibes.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2017
    SRL likes this.
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Just watching P or edging with P? Sorry to hear about your bad week!

    Steady the ship.
     
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  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Only watching P, everyone — though I know that's just as bad.

    Steady the ship is right, 40new30. Working on it.

    SRL
     
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    It's definitely NOT as bad.

    But, it's dangerous...here to encourage you, brotha'. You got the steel will!
     
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  6. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Dangerous is right.
     
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  7. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Back, everyone. I've had a bad couple of weeks of P watching. Meditated this morning, and I've taken some steps to lock down my computer.

    I'm about to complete a lengthy contract job, which means being productive during the day will be **even more important** now that I won't have a job for a (hopefully) brief spell.

    Sorry I've been MIA. It's been a tough few months for me. Lots of depressive spells, lots of lethargy, lots of impromptu naps.

    But no PMO. Only P-watching. Jeez. What a nightmare!

    40 and Billy — thanks so much, as always, for the kind words of support.

    SRL, gang. SRL SRL SRL
     
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    It's weird but at this point in my reboot I admit I have looked at porn a few times but it does absolutely nothing for my brain anymore. I think because I know I'm never going to jerk off to it again. How do you feel when you watched it?
     
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  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm with you. The idea of jerking off feels distant, like a transmission from another galaxy. It is indeed weird.

    But I've got to knock it off — even if I'm not PMOing, it's still eating up time. It's a shortcut to being lazy I can't abide.

    Thanks for the comment!

    SRL
     
  10. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Welcome back, SRL. Sorry to hear you've had a rough trot. Good idea to steer away from the P watching, though. Take care.
     
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  11. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    As always, thanks. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I gotta say — that I was able to watch P without the MO urges reeeeeeally sparked a lot of counterproductive self-justification in my mind. As before — as in, when I started down this road — I'm doing my best to replace P-watching with productivity. I'm trying to trigger and channel mental states of blissful productivity in my daily life.

    And I'll be sure to drop in on everyone's journals. I've been bad about that. My apologies.

    SRL
     
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  12. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yes. I find that getting involved in others journeys, supporting them, learning from them has helped me as much, if not more, than any other strategy I have employed.
     
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  13. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    That's really well said, Billy. Thanks for checking in!

    Hi, all! I just passed the four-year mark back in mid-September, so I wanted to drop in and reaffirm my commitment to sobriety. I've still been watching a lot of P, along with constantly getting sidetracked with fantasies at all times of the day. I've also been weirdly addicted to social media, too.

    Anyway, the struggle goes ever on. SRL, all.
     
  14. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hey everyone — my productivity blocker's about to go offline, so I wanted to drop in and reaffirm my commitment to sobriety.

    SRL. everyone.
     
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  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Watch that 'watching a lot of porn' and fantasizing, mate. I expect you don't need me to tell you that firing up those neural networks is baaaad news for sobriety.

    Go well, be clean.
     
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  16. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Heard loud and clear, buddy. Thanks for checking in, and good job getting back on the wagon.

    But are you really only at one day? Didn't you have more of a minor slip-up?

    SRL
     
  17. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Here's a triggering moment for me: When I get stressed out about money, I turn inward, freak out, and jump online to look at borderline content. (I actually hopped on my phone and surfed Instagram and Twitter for awhile after getting triggered just now.)

    Damn. The lights in my mind just ... went out, all of a sudden. Really upsetting and strange. I also freaked out on my girlfriend a little, which sucks.

    Anyway. Just reporting in, everyone.

    SRL
     
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yeah, not really only at one day... I suppose. I had a few quick in and outs but then a couple of actual binges (2-3hrs) and then the whole counter reset thing come up and I thought, what the hell, maybe a clean start is what I need to inspire me to get off the slippery slope. It seems to have worked (at day two I'm still feeling strong and committed). I dunno, perhaps I'll add a lil' explanation to my posts like I used to, clarifying the situation, or maybe at a spread sheet... that could be good. Anyhow, I'm back to it now and, so far at least, have no desire to re-engage the beast. :)
     
  19. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Knowledge is power, my friend. Do you have an alternative plan for what to do next time you feel stressed about cash?
     
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  20. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I'm definitely not completely free of occasionally surfing borderline material, thankfully it doesn't turn into PMO binging anymore. But I am fully aware that it could. I find that surfing that way and not touching your junk allows it not to escalate.
     
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