Successful urge surfing this morning. I had a some porn like dreams and when I got up I had breakfast and did some reading instead of heading to P. Then, I came here and read replies to my recent posts. Yet, the urges to PMO were still there. I was in a debate with my mind. "Fantasy is okay, right? Maybe erotic fiction? What if I only...Wait, is it realistic to think I'll never MO again? Come on!" So, I decided it was time to take the dog for a walk and get away, but then I stopped myself. I sat here with the feeling, with the urge. I started to intellectualize it, "Hey this is biological. I just want to spread my seed." That's thinking, and sort of making excuses. What does this feel like? I sat with the urge without trying to excuse it or shame it. In a matter of seconds it was gone. I wanted to get up and walk the dog anyway. After all, maybe that was a fluke. Except, I stopped to record this here in my journal. It's possible. I did it. I can continue to do it. Even if I relapse later, I can do this again. Speaking of, my streak is growing. It feels good not to have a date hanging over my head. I just know that it has been around 3 weeks, maybe. I know sober dates can be important for many, but at this point I am still working through shame and any math like that makes me regret the lost time in addiction.