This is fair. You do have to like yourself and that isn't always an easy task. One of the first things someone said to me when I came to the forum was "you have to love yourself." I didn't know that that meant, nor what that looked like. I still don't really know what it looks like. Sometimes I think I'm OK while other times I feel useless. Here comes the "but." But, we have to take a risk. We can't think ourselves out of this, nor wait for ourselves to get incrementally better; at least I do not believe we can. However, if we take a bit of a leap then we can sweep away much of the chatter that exists in the brain. I feel your resistance and honestly I would, and have, felt the same way. I've felt frozen, unable to act. So, I made a plan. I decided that on holiday I would bang the wife. I planned it like I was doing a bank robbery. I bought lube, new underwear, a different kind of deodorant, and got my hair (what's left of it) cut. The lube did not work and that's why the wife and I now use coconut oil. I'm pushing you. So, there's a risk you'll just shut down, or disappear and stop posting on your journal, or get angry with me. So, I'm taking a risk, too. I have no interest in antagonizing people, but I also hate watching people stay stuck. MSC, you are a great guy. You write incredibly well and make incisive comments. I really love having you on this board. You contribute a lot to the men here and I DO think you are on a much better track. Most people don't respond well to my pushing and I understand that because I also hate to be pushed. I have many walls of resistance that I can throw up. I should've been a mason I've put up so many walls. But, now I'm trying to smash them down. You and your wife have talked with a counsellor but that is just talk. Therapists love to get people talking and hashing through all manner of things. But, at some point we act or we don't. I believe you have it within you to take a leap of faith toward yourself. You see, having sex with your wife is for you. Anyway, I'll leave it at that.