I'd say just see what works. Try discussing your progress with her for a while and see if it helps. If you find it doesn't, tell her you're going to try something else and stop sharing so much with her. If she gets angry or gives you the silent treatment then that's when you need to stick to your guns because she's actually being childish and not helping you at that point. Indeed it could be a clue that some distance is required to get healthy on your own terms. I was 3 years into the reboot before i realized that aspects of my relationship with my wife were triggering me. That's about the time Saville joined the board and the way he described his relationship with his wife gave me a way to reframe some of the undermining she was (unconsciously) doing. It didn't change the fact that i love her, but i did have to stop idealizing her quite so much.