Day 1 Shame says, "again." I've looked at porn since early teens. Sears catalog, stolen glances at adult mags, HBO late night, music videos, VHS, internet videos, erotic stories, and finally porn games/visual novels. I seem to gravitate towards porn to avoid my low self worth. Stress, fear, anger, it all piles onto shame and I run to PMO. I've stopped after confessing to my spouse for a few weeks and even a couple of months. I end up relapsing and the cycle continues. Recently, I started keeping track on a calendar so my spouse could see. It felt like a great so until I failed a day. We talked it over, she was hurt, but we got through it. My shame ate that up and I stopped for 3 weeks. Again, based on shame for the most part. Sure there can be gratitude towards myself and shame at the same time. However, the shame is so dangerous as it leads South that familiar path. I'm working on self-compassion and trying to reset my brain when it comes to me and my worth. It's hard work. Nobody is perfect, but I can always use a reminder and a community that knows what I'm going through. Thanks for listening. I'm going to go cry now.