I'm at day 60 now and I've made it through some very triggering situations. I'm having trouble acknowledging the power than porn has over me because it seems illogical. I have this sense that it should be a balance sheet: Every use of porn moves me that much further into addiction and every succussfully resisted craving moves me that much further away from it. In reality, I still haven't tested the limits of the impact of a single PMO session. The effects last for many months, if not years, decades, or a lifetime. This is why porn is so much more dangerous than other addictions in my opinion. What other substance or behaviour could so dominate your thoughts and worldview even when engaged in for only several hours a month? I'm unpacking all the myths that I got from porn and a pornified society. One thing that I thought that I had got from other observations, but was mostly just influenced by porn was a deep-seated belief that women want to be abused. The scenarios in porn never led me to have a conscious desire to mistreat women. I had a strong moral opposition to the idea of this, and certainly to doing it in real life. Even if I never succumbed to the dark side, this led to a very bleak worldview. I saw myself as good, but powerless against a terrible evil in our core nature. The other myth is that continuous sex or masturbation is natural. Sexuality is not a constant. It is something that happens only at special times which constitute a small minority of one's lifespan. In porn and our "sex positive" culture one is led to feel cheated if there are not daily erotic situations. This makes no sense though. Maybe not particularly "natural" either, but imagine what it would have been like in past eras. Men going out to sea or off to war for months or years with no women around and waiting to go back to be reunited with their wives. I do not get the impression that they would have been thinking about this lack all the time, but would have been focused on the task at hand and the realities of their current situation. A substaintial proportion of my spare time has been eaten up with online dating. It feels like a waste, but I persist in hopes of escaping this situation for good. I allways have multiple online conversations going and I have several in person meetings every week. These are typical extremely dissapointing as I usually feel no attraction (not unreasonable porn standards, but that most of the women I am capable of meeting are not good catches). On the rare occasion I meet a woman who I am attracted to, but it seems to be a precise inverse relationship, where my level of attraction predicts their level of non-attraction and vice versa. Or maybe I am still doing subconscious things to sabotage it any time I see real potential. I have become more resilient and emotionally detatched in the process. I'm almost to the point of having no expectations. I did have some opportunities to get physical with a women who I only had the slightest hint of attraction for (just barely above the threshold where I could have gotten aroused enough to complete the sexual act). In the past I followed through with these "opportunities", but now I back out at the last minute because I can look ahead to the inevitable negative emotions produced on both sides. Also, I am quite aware of the risks involved for recovery. I can manage to avoid relapse after a bad date, but I don't think that I would be able to avoid relapsing after having sex with an ugly woman.