The addict was trying a new strategy. This was extreme minimisation/trivialization. I got up on Saturday and he was like "ah, it's the weekend. Time to relax, maybe go to the coffee shop, read a book, a pit of porn". For a second I fell for this, thinking "yeah of course, I deserve a break. After this streak a little session can't hurt anything. It's not going to become a problem again and I have tried my best to convince my ex to take me back and I have no obligation to stay away from porn at the moment". Then I thought "...hey wait a minute! You know that staying away from porn is the most important thing for me! What are you trying to pull? Even if I do keep it to one session, it will still have lingering side-effects. I need to be clean for many months to even start to get the benefits". This is a sign that my true self is distancing from the addict. Before it would have been assumed that the angel and devil had been in constant communication and that they knew exactly where the other was at. Now they are becoming estranged. Last night I dreampt that I had a kid, but that he was a walking, talking skeleton. I dressed him up and was always worried about people finding out what he was. Parts off him kept falling off and we worked together to distract people and put him back together with nobody noticing. I was worried about him. I have been having dreams of romantic relations with "real" women every night now. When I was PMOing, it was very rare for me to have a sexual dream that was about a woman and not about porn. The women in my dreams are either somebody I just met who is exactly my type/ best I could hope for...or they are women I know or have been involved with, but they look much more attractive than in real life. Today was probably the most productive Sunday I ever had. I was really getting shit done. By 6pm I could really relax, having done all of my weekly chores, plus a number of things that I had been putting off for a long time. I was out walking around town and feeling much more comfortable being around people. Really, this was the most "normal" I had felt for decades. I wouldn't say that I was particularly happy, just feeling fine. My mind was clear and not troubled. I made a non-intrusive, but sincere (and I would say thoughtful) gesture to see if my ex would take me back. I still haven't heard anything from her, so there may be really nothing I can do at this point. I was doing laundry and I bumped into a woman who I had never seen in the building before. I was quite startled when I saw her because she looked exactly like my ideal type (as far as considering a serious relationship). I put my laundry in my apartment and came back to clean out the lint trap out of courtesy. This is what I normally would have done, but when I got back in the laundry room I started feeling really akward, thinking that she looked perfect and I looked and smelled like a slob (I was relaxing at home and not expecting to see a beautiful woman). It was a tight space and I didn't say a word, though she did make a brief aknowledgement of the gesture. I can't even begin to describe the extreme sense of failure I had leaving the room and realizing that I hadn't said anything to her.