Staff party. Dragged myself out. Painfully uncomfortable for the first half hour. After I started getting into some conversations I thought "Thank god I didn't PMO, I would have felt as bad as at the start all night."Got dragged on the dancefloor, then when I was up stayed there. Hot young latina driving me crazy, thought might have been into me, but could have been all in my head. When I don't PMO people probably are more likely to notice that I find her attractive, but it is always much more appropriate and innocent. Drunk now, urges leaving me alone 'till sleep. Went all right overall. Turned down an invite to go downtown. Leave on a high note is always the best strategy. None of those drunken stupor 4am after parties fighting four other guys for some skank, nothing happening and ruining the rest of my weekend. Been thinking about begging my ex to take me back, maybe mailing her a christmas present. Sleep now. Might do quick masturbation lying in bed with the light off or might just crash. Doesn't really matter at this point. Waiting for the bus going to the party, I was realizing how most of the day I was able to look at people. Looked at a 50 year old woman, not attractive at all, but she smiled at me and I smiled back. That's what got me so horny earlier. That's when I realized how long the side effects of porn last. I can't look anybody in the eye ever unless I am well over a month no PMO. Gotta stay clean. Then some women will give me a positive resoponse. I'm not at all picky with who I would hook up with, but who to settle down with and introduce to all the people I most respect, that's another story. If I'm clean and I look a woman and she gives me that look of contempt, I will think "ah fuck her, who does she think she is anyway. She's not really that hot and I wan't doing anything wrong to begin with". If I'm using, I might think that but I will vicerally act like I don't belive it for a second.