Sex triggered a relapse

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by redranger1017, Jun 6, 2019.

  1. redranger1017

    redranger1017 New Member

    Hey Guys - So I was over 60 days hard reboot, no P, M or O. I initiated sex with my wife, and 1st thing was, I was soft and needed to take Viagra. So no problem there, we paused for 20 minutes to wait for it to take effect. This was my first mistake: while we were waiting I "looked at my phone" (softcore, not porn) to help arouse myself, which is patterned behavior. Then the sex wasn't great, since we hadn't had sex in so long I came right away and my wife wasn't really prepared. That led to tailing, because the drug was still working and we were onto our day and no chance to resume the sexual activity. So since I had already maybe broken the streak already I went whole hog and binged for the rest of the day, and reset my badge the next morning. I'm on 10 days now.

    I was able to do okay as long as I was abstinent, but as soon as I resumed sexual activity it led to a relapse. I'm interested in hearing from men who have been through this sort of thing, what did you do and what do you suggest I do to prevent this from happening again?
  2. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi redranger, I think the mistake that you have made is actually the one you have acknowledged yourself which is you looked at softcore stuff. I am interested to know what you are defining as softcore by the way. In my head, softcore can be non sex based material and simulated sex. A lot of it can be very explicit and very triggering. Regardless, as has been stated time and time again on here and on Yourbrainonporn, any pixelated sexual stimulation is a bad idea. It doesn't matter whether or not its hardcore porn, the addictive pathways of the brain register all of it as porn. It is no wonder you came very quickly after looking at your phone. My reading of your account is that the material you viewed on your phone prompted you to ejaculate, and gave rise to a dopamine chaser to look for more explicit content.

    In terms of sexual health, Artificial sexual stimulation = dysfunction
    Natural healthy sexuality without artificial stimulation = healing and eventual normal functionality.
  3. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    It's highways and byways. Right now PMO is a highway in your brain- you've got to stop sending traffic down there for a while, let it grow over. Likewise you have to build up the byway with real women. Until that is more established, there will be a risk of sexual arousal going the wrong road. A lot of guys advocate Zero Arousal approach to the reboot (including Underdog, the legendary founder of this place). It gives the brain time to heal, and a new slate for new pathways. Guys like Saville went from pmo to regularly banging their wives once a week with no interruption, but they are the exception, not the rule. The downside of Zero Arousal is you will enter a flatline that can take a long time to come out of. If your relationship can handle that, it's an option (I was having sex with my wife so infrequently i don't think she even noticed a difference!) The other option is to keeping banging your wife, but go on high alert for 2 or 3 days after sex. If you can learn to handle the urges that come after sex (the chaser) that would be ideal. I couldn't handle it, so it was Zero Arousal for me.
    redranger1017 likes this.

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