Sevrage de Whisk

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Whisk, Jan 29, 2015.

  1. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Ejb65 gives a very comprehensive list Whisk. I think what is underlying this is the idea that while you are giving up a bad habit, you need to start some good and healthy new habits. Bad habits are difficult to give up but when they are pushed out of your life with new behaviours, it will go much better. You will feel healthier, happier, and feel a real sense of foreward momentum.

    I would also add walking out of doors. The sunlight, fresh air, and meditative opportunity of walking will really help clear your head.

    Last thought, my journal has been key in my recovery. I put everything there and many generous and intelligent men have share their wisdom with me. The journal will help you get your demons out of your head and when they are exposed to the light, they have much less power over you.

    Welcome to the forum and best of luck.
     
  2. Sidd

    Sidd Guest

    Hi Whisk,
    You asked me a question at the end of January which I only just saw so apologies for the delay. 3 things that helped me maintain my sobriety. Hard question but first of all a confession. My goal was to quit P which was plaguing my life. I had some years before also quit escorts, massage parlours and strip clubs because that compulsion was really plaguing my life and had real risks associated with it. So after giving that up I kept PMO going cos I reckoned I needed some outlet. Eventually I realised how destructive P was and by great good fortune I found YBR and set off on this journey. Again I left a door open and that was MO. For almost 250 days I did no PMO and no MO because I thought that MO could lead me into P but at some point I thought Well your goal was to eliminate PMO so no harm in having an MO release. All kinds of justifications around that and although my MO was a fraction of before it was still just as compulsive , was self-medicating and was used to express and repress other emotions - sadness, anger , fear. That would lead to edging and playing around with escort sites. Very recently I woke up to the reality that what I hated most about this empty living was the feeling of compulsion which prevents me from having any chance of being free and joyful. I have now committed to ending all compulsive sexual acting out and MO. So yes within my definition I have maintained sobriety and that was from a combination of desperation to change , stubborness and holding onto a small inner conviction re-enforced by many here that sex, PMO , MO do not make one feel better when they are isolating , self-medicating activities. I am now at the beginning of a new chapter and am hoping that those same factors and the support of guys here will keep my sobriety intact for today and every following day for the rest of my life.
     
  3. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Hello everyone

    Thanks Sidd for your answer.


    I now have been sober "hard mode" for 45 days. It's both an outstanding achievement compared to the way I would live before and a letdown when I think of how short a period of time it is and how much effort it required.

    All in all that's a start.
    I hope I'll keep up the good work.

    A bientôt
     
  4. Augustines _Bro

    Augustines _Bro New Member

    It is indeed an outstanding achievement. And it's more than just a start, it's a damned good start. Enjoy it but stay vigilant (those b@$tard demons enjoy sneaking in when we let our guard down). But don't worry about the letdown. They say it gets better the longer we stay with it.

    I wish you continued strength and peace. Likewise, see you soon.
    AB
     
  5. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Now comes the difficult part. My life is a mess. My life feels empty. I'm waking up to the ruin of it. I have built nothing, I have achieved nothing. My life is empty and so is my bank account. I have no wife, no children, no house. In addition I feel strongly depressed and I suffer from some diagnosed ADHD.
    I'm plagued with a sense of inadequacy and doom. And although I perfectly know that compulsive acting out can only get me into deeper trouble and pain, I sometimes want to go back to my acting out in order to run from the sadness and despair I feel in my current life.
    I feel very shamed and unworthy.
     
  6. Bright_Place

    Bright_Place Guest

    Hold
    On
    Pain
    Ends
     
  7. Augustines _Bro

    Augustines _Bro New Member

    Whisk,

    I'm glad you're back. Hadn't seen you for several days.

    First thing I hope you recognize is that PMO (or any self-medicating) does nothing to help our external struggles. Our coping mechanism deludes us into thinking we feel better for a few minutes, but the problems still exist, and in fact may be worse because we've put off dealing with them in the real world. And by then the shame and guilt from the PMO gnaws at us, pulling us deeper into the darkness. You know that cycle, I'm sure.

    No PMO exposes all the emotional darkness inside our minds. Voids, hurts, pain. All of that, and maybe more. And when we first see all that, it can seem mighty intimidating. Amazingly, when we start to bring that into the light, bit by bit, it loses much of its power. It can only hold us, it can only trap us, when it lurks in darkness. That doesn't mean it's easy. You're very right, this is the difficult part. But those who shine light into that darkness come through it feeling very much healed. Not perfect, but better. And not all of that darkness goes away, but we can better deal with it.

    That's where we become better men. No PMO, in and of itself, may help some physical issues (PIED). But it only begins our journey of real healing.

    I encourage you to face that darkness and fight it, bit by bit. Share what you find. Among our thousands of brother journeyers, someone surely has dealt with similar issues and can help. Will help. Several very good journals describe how others have worked through these issues.

    You'll have to resolve the issues you find for yourself, but we're all here to help you in that quest. And in many ways, it is the heroic quest that we all have to endure to prove ourselves worthy men. You are stronger than you know, Whisk, and we're here to help you. Take a deep breath, step back from compulsions an acting out, and start to shine light on the darkness.

    Make progress every day. I wish you peace.
    AB
     
  8. Augustines _Bro

    Augustines _Bro New Member

    And about that shame and unworthiness, along with guilt (though you didn't mention guilt): those are just your addiction, your b@$tard demon, trying to hold you back. There's no shame here. No unworthiness, either. Because we've all been there, and we're all still there. That's why we all fight the demon, our demon, every day. And every day its grip loosens just a bit more.

    So put those feelings behind you. Stand tall, hold your head high, dust yourself off, and take a step forward. Take pride that you're working to make yourself a better man. We can't change the past, but we can certainly build our future.

    Peace.
    AB
     
  9. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    I like what Augustine's Bro wrote because it really does shift the focus away from PMO and a strictly sexual functioning issue. The glare of porn, masturbation, and sex steal all of the headlines but as soon as you remove it and start looking deeper, you see that there is a man underneath who is trying to live again but is afraid. We all have to embrace the fact that it is ok to feel fear and uncertainty. It is a normal part of the human condition. We do not always have to do something about it though.
     
  10. Bright_Place

    Bright_Place Guest

    I identify very strongly with the idea of PMO as a tool to hold fear at bay. I was scared as a child of my own family. Sibling abuse and emotional neglect and abuse from my parents meant that I spent years worrying about what was going to happen next. That's definitely a large part of my underlying problems.
     
  11. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Still sober.
    What's next ? What will happen now ?
    I'm not only abstaining from PMo but also from sexual relationships. That's hard, but I apparently cannot do otherwise at the moment. I need to avoid any strong trigger otherwise I feel my addiction will return full-fledge. Hopefully, at a point, that awful system will subside and vanish. It'll be replaced by another, more functional and sane system. But that situation is most unpleasant.
     
  12. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    I relapsed after 157 days of sobriety.
    I feel awful. I feel hopelessness and desparation. I feel alone.
    For the last couple of months, I'd been exhausted. Gradually, I gave up the right habits that shielded me from PMO.
    And now I feel even more tired and helpless.
     
  13. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    Well i have been successful in stopping using porn.
    It was the accumulated of a series of short-term success over 3 year and 2 months using the slight edge approach that it mention on this website.
    I actually found it better to forget about the long-term. just concentrating on each short-term improvement meant the long-term objective happened automatically.
    That's amazing any big thing is possible if you just break it down into a series of small things and concentrate on just doing each small thing.
    Haven't used porn at all this year 2018 and its been easy now. I feel a bit weird saying that but it happened...amazing....
     

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