Sevrage de Whisk

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Whisk, Jan 29, 2015.

  1. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Hi everyone.

    On this board, I'll go by the name of Whisk. I'm here to end my sexual addiction. This being part of a larger action plan of course.
    Look forwards to speaking with you.
     
  2. Nofapado

    Nofapado Guest

    Welcome Whisk. You will find much support here. It will take work to overcome your addiction but the result is worth the effort.
     
  3. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Ta Nofapado

    I'm almost 46 and I'm French. I've been addicted since the age of 15 I guess, although it got far worse around my 30's, when I got a high speed internet connection.
    I'm a bachelor and not a very happy one with that. I do hate living on my own, but that's something I've got to put up with at the moment.
    One more thing : whenever I do some PMO, I get some very debilitating and disabling effects. Mainly, a strong apathy that can last up to 10 days before subsiding.
     
  4. Sidd

    Sidd Guest

    Welcome Whisk and good to have you here. For most of us it look a long time to get to where we got to and our addiction crept up on us over time. You are lucky to have realised that it is harming you and now you can begin the process of reclaiming your life and eventually making the decisions that you want to make. Most of use PMO to relieve our pain , our boredom , sadness , anxieties so it is good to be gentle with yourself but at the same time firm. For an addict no good ever comes from more of what he is addicted to whatever it is - food , alcohol, sex and just try to hold on to the thought that no matter how bad you feel PMO will not make you feel better. It will make you feel worse. This is often a long road because we have walked already so far down it into our escape but we can and do walk back with patience , effort and support from others. It can be done and yes at times it can be hard but I wish you all the very best.
     
  5. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Thank you Sidd, I appreciate your welcome.
    Perhaps you could tell me what were the 3 things that helped you break the compulsive part of your addiction and enabled you to maintain sobriety for such a long time ?
     
  6. Openeyz

    Openeyz New Member

    Welcome and bonjour, Whisk: glad to have you here and hope you can gain something from participating in these forums. If you haven't already done so, I'd suggest watching the videos from YourBrainonPorn.com to learn more about what's going on in the brain when you masturbate to porn or porn fantasy. It's a 6-part series but well worth the time.

    http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

    It has been very helpful to me to understand rationally what's going on in the brain.
     
  7. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Thanks Openeyes.

    Has someone the same issue of chronic fatigue apparently triggered and undoubtably made worse by PMO ?
     
  8. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Bonjour Whisk,

    Je te souhaite la bienvenue. Cette section du forum est remplie d'hommes courageux et généreux. Tu viens de trouver une communauté qui t'aidera à te défaire de cette habitude si tu le souhaite.

    C'est un chemin parfois tortueux de découvertes et de croissance personelle qui t'attend si tu y es ouvert.

    Ce problème que nous partageons tous sur ce forum est une plaie qui tue sans ménagement nos relations intimes, parfois même avant qu'elles ne naissent. J'ai la chance d'être marié et d'avoir des enfants, mais j'ai presque tout perdu. J'ai eu la chance de découvrir cet endroit à temps.

    Lis et publies souvent, ça aide vraiment. Je te souhaite bon courage!

    Bodhi
     
  9. dannoj59

    dannoj59 Andy knows

    I can relate. That's why I feel so bad after PMO. I feel that apathy and lack of concern for others when I'm using. It's not a good feeling. Porn and masturbation is a very inward, selfish act.
    Serving others is the exact opposite. Many treatments for porn addiction suggest a daily act of kindness.
     
  10. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Thanks Bodhi and Dannoj

    Has anyone here gone through long lasting (2weeks+) bouts of intense fatigue and apathy after giving in to their compulsions -especially PMO ? Does anybody know how to sort that out all right then ?

    Well, I know I already asked. Perhaps, someone new might see my question and give it an answer.

    Thanks.
     
  11. Zippy

    Zippy Member

    Keep doing what you're doing looks the best option!
     
  12. Augustines _Bro

    Augustines _Bro New Member

    Bonjour, Whisk. Je parle un peu (just when I felt I should expand my horizons by posting en fracais, Bodhi replied so very eloquently).

    Coming to this forum has greatly accelerated my recovery. I belong to a faith-based accountability group; I feel very comfortable with those men, but they don't share to the same depth as our brothers here. I see so much of myself in the journals I've read here, especially once we go beyond stopping the destructive PMO behaviors and begin to address our underlying emotional pain. Coming regularly to this forum is a great help. Reading others' triumphs and setbacks, both from the veterans and the newbies, helps me understand, empathize, and envision the long-term positive outcome I can create. You, too, can make yourself a better man and create that life for yourself.

    I hope you never slip or fall back into those old destructive PMO habits. I hope your resolve stays strong and unwavering. But if you do slip, take a deep breath, and reinvigorate your resolve. Don't let guilt, shame, or inaction set in. Come back here, reset your counter, accept the support you will receive, and move forward again. Make progress, not perfection.

    Glad you're here. I wish you peace.

    AB
     
  13. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Thanks Zippy and Augustine.

    Zippy, I also think that sobriety will help me greatly alleviate the horrendous exhaustion I currently have to put up with. However, I'm sure there must be some additional measures that would help as well.
    I wondered if anyone had successfully addressed that issue and could give an account of the steps taken in order to recover.

    Of course I did seek medical attention and underwent a lot of medical exams. Results were fine.
     
  14. Augustines _Bro

    Augustines _Bro New Member

    Bonjour Whisk,

    The past week I've felt consistently tired and unmotivated. I'm thinking a bit of depression. Working indoors all day with no sunlight doesn't help, either. For several years I've dealt with dysthymia (chronic, low grade depression); I may be going through a flare-up to a more significant level. I've made a bit of progress by exercising more consistently and trying to go outside for even a few minutes at lunchtime.

    I hope this helps. Can't hurt. Be at peace with yourself.
    AB
     
  15. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    I'm sure that we don't get the help we need. Our addiction is no joke and we need more care than just writing on a forum or even doing some psychotherapy, when it can be afforded. Going to a rehab and getting some intensive and adapted therapy would've helped a lot. Anyway, I'll have to make do with what I can afford.

    Now, in order to recover quicker I need to stay focused on one thing : getting a longer streak. I know it sounds a bit dumb and perhaps counterproductive to some, but before I get to 3 months of sobriety, I think my brain can't run good enough for me to make good decisions and act accordingly. In addition, I currently also lack the strength to do what I know I ought to be doing.
     
  16. Recovery11

    Recovery11 New Member

    Hi Whisk

    Yes it can be tough, Porn sure takes away my integrity and makes me difficult to be around. I have been listening to Brian Johnston's philosophers notes, they are quite inspiring to me, they promote working on the solution, a life worth living. That and going to 12 step meetings help me.

    If u are into rehabs, I think 'the meadows' would be good. I see they run a week long retreat for love addicts etc.

    One day at a time.
    Keep coming back.
     
  17. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Hi Recovery

    Thanks for your kind words of support and for the link to your tools.

    Best
     
  18. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    Good luck, half the battle is actually starting to work on it. Be committed, don't give up when you get discouraged.
    In my experience when i first stopped looking at P my libido when right down and I could not even get an erection, so things kind of get worse before they get better. However there is a lot of god information and programs out there.
    I found the "slight edge" book very helpful about making small changes.
    I found doing 10 mins on the exercise bike every morning really helpful, and i lost weight and got fitter.
    I found doing mindfulness mediation helpful.
    I found have self-compassion for myself helpful when i failed.
    I found reading the success stories helpful. Lots of guys in there 20s really improved things, got dating and girlfriends so that is really encouraging.
    There is so much encouragement around on the web if you know where to look for it.
    It is good to message folks and share your experiences and get help when your trying to figure out stuff.
    Everyone has to figure out there own way to recovery and where they want to get to.
    ejb65
     
  19. Augustines _Bro

    Augustines _Bro New Member

    Thanks, R11, I've heard more and more about these notes lately. I need to go check them out.

    Whisk, the forum helps me a lot. I worry a bit that for the time I spend here, anyone could consider this my new addiction. Can there be such a thing as a good addiction?

    I belong to a faith-based accountability group that's helped a lot. I've also been to a therapist for the past year, now every other week. At one point, I was going to transition to group therapy with other sex and love addicts; on paper, it sounded like a great fit (all the guys had similar backgrounds and a well-renowned therapist), but I felt very uncomfortable so I went back to 1-on-1. I think these are hit or miss. We might find great fits, or the fit could be so bad we stay away.

    Lots of guys are keen on yoga and meditation. I'm back into exercise (mostly running), and that helps on several levels. Personally, though, it wasn't until I recognized that I needed to become a better man for me, to align my actions with my faith and values, that I started to find inner peace. Maybe not happiness, but if I had to choose, I'd take peace over happiness. I'm no longer letting my peace/happiness depend on someone else's definition...not even my wife's. That coincides with my current streak, which is likely the longest of my life, so my brain is probably sufficiently advanced in rewiring that it supports those boundaries I'm defining.

    So how does that help you? I believe you're using the counter as intended, to give your brain time to heal a bit, and to begin developing new behaviors, actions, and reactions to help you avoid or manage your triggers. Everyone seems to agree that 90 days sober is the minimum standard for that (I'll let you know when I get there, though of course you're right behind me). And as the porn-induced fog lifts, you should reason more clearly. You'll also find productive interests and positive behaviors to replace the destructive, addictive ones of our prior lives, and your rebuilding will be well on its way. Yes, I indeed believe you have a sound approach.

    Continue to stay strong, you're fighting the good fight. I wish you peace.
    AB
     
  20. Whisk

    Whisk New Member

    Hello Augustine,

    Thanks for your message.
    I need to do sport and with other people too. I'm thinking of doing some martial arts or any combat training. I'm going to enroll soon.

    I think that peace is happiness; well a great part of it. According to what I've experienced at least.

    My longest streak "hard mode" lasted three months. I started to enjoy a greater focus and a more sustainable long-lasting energy. And I also began to feel and think differently, before I relapsed
    Staying sober will remain my priority for now.

    Who would advise me about a book to read or a website to visit that could help me in fighting addiction and rebuilding myself as a better man ? Thanks to everyone !
     

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