SEVERLEY DEPPRESSED FROM ESCALATION IN PMO PLZ HELP want to quit pmo but cant in this situation

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by patrep12345, Jun 24, 2019.

  1. patrep12345

    patrep12345 New Member

    Hi, I am 21 year old. Just 2 years ago I hooked up with a crossdresser male to female. Felt so much guilt then eventually I forgave myself. But this crossdresser posts porn but I made a fake account after and asked if they do hidden camerea porns they said no they dont do that. But Im so scared of anyone finding out what I did if it gets posted on a porn site because if my family finds out im done for as they have amazing respect for me, and ppl around my neigbourhood and friends. Its been two years and this crossdresser has not posted any video or picture of me on there page for our encounter. fast forward to last week this is where my dark days came I hooked up with a crossdresser again.. who was visiting my city for a couple days I wwent to the hotel asked if they record i asked 5 times they got annoyed because i asked so many times cuz . i was paranoid. Cuz I watched so much pornos where it does hidden camerea catching a straight guy with tranny. I anyways called this 2nd crossdresser to get reassurance pretended like another client asked after our encounter if they have any videos they record that I can buy with them with clients they said no. they dont have it
    Anyways I really want to step away from porn forever but this mental blockage is stopping me as I constantly check the firsst crossdressers porn page to see if they posted anything even tho it was 2 years ago
    and this newest encounter is stopping me even more because I really dont want my potential porno to be realsesd that I contantly check porn sites and there escort ad if they posted anything..
    I want to step away from pmo because before this I was straight and would never consider these gay expeirences
    but sorry I typed so much , this is been so hard on me i cant live in mental peace without getting passed this I dont know how to move on from this because I dont trust tthe fact tht the 2 crossdressers said they dont record clients/ppl
    still bothers me because their word vs mine
    because I dont want to have the fear of my video potentially being out there thats what i would be thinking about if i stepped away from porn, and theres just so many sites and i cant check them all
    I want to quit pmo but I have this paranoia that the video is there. Please help me move on.
     
  2. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    Well, for a second just sit down and be calm; close your eyes. take 10 minutes to just sit down and be present. That means just sit and treat your thoughts and feelings as a river and you’re just the tree watching them go in and out Then ask yourself truly what would happen if that porno got released. If in fact others opinions of you changed, would that impact your life? You see sometimes we base our own self off of outer exterior objects, this leaves room for suffering. Just accept what happened because it’s something that really did happen. I mean shit I watched so much porn I started watching gay and animal porn just to reach a new level of excitement. I’ll be honest I was so deep into that hole I let a dog lick my dick and pretended it was a girl so you aren’t alone in “embarrassing” acts. Porn does nasty things to your mind, rest assured that the true you has fallen victim to the dragon of desire. Make peace with what happened, hiding it will only cause you more suffering and anxiety. I don’t mean you have to go tell the world about it, simply know yourself well enough to see the fact that it indeed was a mistake and accept it as so. We all make them, what’s important is the resilience to move forward because I’ll tell you one thing. The past no longer exists, no matter how much stress you focus on it, it will never change. You have no control over the past nor what possible implications it could bring to your future. What you do control is how you feel right now. Best wishes to you man and trust one thing, life keeps happening so might as well enjoy it :).
     

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