Semper progrediens, numquam respiciens

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Rengaw, Oct 29, 2015.

  1. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    I wasn't really able to log my thought the way I wanted so here's round number 2.

    So yesterday night I couldn't sleep and I woke up a few times, and ended up dry humping the mattress very sleep drunk. In hindsight I lacked the mental clarity to refrain from the action and lay on my back, have my hands over the quilt and focus on my breathing to go back to sleep again. For future moments of despair I have repeated this a few times to make sure so I do the right thing .

    At the moment I am suffering from apathy and low motivation and high withdrawal symptoms. I think a lot of sex and it's essential to regain my focus through mindfulness breathing. It's challenging.

    However I am feeling confident about myself and dealing with the addiction. Yesterday so realised this is a 2 way addiction, both 1. an internet addiction and 2. a masturbation/orgasm addiction. Pretty daunting now I think of it, but I've gone for months clean before and will do so again. I will make you part of my journey!
     
  2. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    I have decided to move to RebootNation. These forums seem to be desolate and right now I need to team up with others to finally leave behind this addiction. Maybe you can check out my journey. You're welcome to visit me on http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=12856.0
     
  3. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    Well RebootNation seems to be similarly desolate as YBR. So I am doubling it : both posting here and on RN.

    Voila :


    Well, I have actually been moving to a new era. I haven't been looking at porn for 2 weeks now, but the best improvement is not having PMO'ed in - 8 weeks(okay, minus 1 day).
    It's been with ups and downs but in general the trend is upward. I have more energy, a bit of libido here and there but strange enough no cravings or urges- which is berating.
    I have stopped taking my muscle relaxant medication and have managed to get better sleep overall; so I am focusing to stop using my sleeping medication any time soon.
    What contributes to this feeling of well-being

    Reason for me being able to use the meds is that I have picked up callisthenics again; I have done several workouts last week - this week I've fallen ill and I wasn't fit to work out. I've been cycling a lot tho, making sure I don't become too sedentary. I think the mindset of physical activity is also why I was able to drop meds. Still- my work out routine is nothing compared to how it was in 2017 - but I am getting somewhere. I feel better in general, but sometimes the cravings still emerge.

    The cravings I have are more focused on masturbation than on watching porn and I have the weird habit to undress myself during sleep. I can't really understand why, but I think it's my cultivated desire to masturbate. I need to make some rearrangements on my sleeping because keeping the situation as it is, will make make me more vulnerable for a relapse.

    Also, I have sent a text message to a young woman I secretly have had a crush on. We met through Tinder and I was silent for about 10 months (1!) I sent here a random Hi! and we have been texting for about a week now. She used to live in my street but now I live a different country. Still - digital communication has been doing a marvellous job. It is weird yet extremely gratifying to feel able to text her and make things click.

    As for other areas in my life; mostly my living conditions could improve; my sleeping room is a big fucking mess and I have been unemployed or about 4 months. I am on welfare and that has ended already. These are the 2 areas I need to focus on.


    Adding a note - my own reply- I picked up from Reborn16s topic:

    Thanks on your update Reborn16. I actually see some similarities that I experience.

    - being remote of your own principles: being mindlessly online, eating junk food before going to bed
    - procrastinating from goals: not taking care of my room, half ass-ing chores

    Imma gonna keep an eye on these bad habits and make them fade away.
     
  4. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    Things have been going okay the last few days: - I dropped all of my medications. I am not using my pills to come through the day or go to sleep at night. I am happy.
    The weird thing is I haven't had a wet dream in ages, while 'normally' I would have one very 10-13 nights. My T-levels come to a high in this cycle and I keep track of it. But since about 2 or 3 months I have been WD free. Still, I dream of sex... with women I have met.

    Right now, while typing I noticed an epiphany; the thoughts and dreams I have are about women I have slept with and not so much the porn I viewed. Still, now and then a flash of porn but it is fading because I have not been watching porn for a long time. Or at least - to my standards, and particularly the quantity has plummeted: I have watched porn on 2 days in 6 weeks.
    Within a week I will be porn free for a month.

    I am truly grateful for the reward I can reap: I am much more clear minded, my physique has improved and my will to achieve is getting higher and higher. Ordinary things; keeping my place tidy, cooking and eating well, getting a good rest at night etc., have gotten easier to do. There is still room for improvement and and I am exploring every square inch to grow.
    I have reacquired the zest for life.
     

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