Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Fry2, Dec 5, 2016.
Have a good (and sober) weekend Fry. Did you stick with SAA or was it not for you?
Do ANYTHING else.
Reading your last posts, it seems that you have a lot on your plate. Being a husband, father, colleague, etc. can just be very overwhelming sometimes, and it's more than logical that when there are any extra instant stressors, you choose for the soothing open arms of porn to just not be with those overwhelming emotions for a moment. Besides becoming more stress resistant it may be good to find a way to find some more time for yourself. Just one or more days a month in which you don't have to play such a role, in which you don't have to do anything, and in which you can be yourself and recharge.
What might also help is working on breaking that cycle. One of the things I've learned in the past 6 months is that when I slip it is very often caused by the way I relate certain circumstances to a slip. It's a very small step from 'in condition A I am more likely to relapse' to 'Hey, this is condition A: I'm going to relapse'. That second line of thinking is really self-defeating. I agree with you that to a certain extent it's good to avoid situations that cause you stress, but it's also important to become more aware of the fact that stress doesn't have to lead to a slip.
And like Gilgamesh said: take some time for yourself. We live in rather complex times and it's just so damn easy to get stressed. I must say I'm not very good at taking that time off myself, but I'm learning
I agree that taking your own responsibility is important. Often people of which we feel have treated us badly, have less influence on our lives than we think. Still I also feel that we have the right to be pissed off at people in such situations. The thing with being pissed off for too long, is that it affects ourselves more than the other.
I sometimes struggle with this too and I think that one of the best perspectives here is that in the same way we are not perfect and fuck up regularly, others do the same. And besides that, we all come from different places: what might make perfect sense to you, might not make sense at all to someone else. And that's not because they are retards, but most of the time it's because they have a different perspective on life. To quote the great philosopher Frank Ocean: "We all try"
As for taking responsibility: I find that very important for the sole reason that the only thing we can really change is ourselves. I agree with Gilgamesh that sometimes it's perfectly fine to be pissed off at people, but having a grudge against people and telling yourself over and over again that he/she was wrong is not going to get you anywhere. Well, it might turn you into a very sour grape ofcourse, but I guess that's not what anyone has on top of his/her life goals In the end it doesn't really matter who is right and who is wrong, it's about how you deal with it. And to do that focussing on you instead of on the other person is probably the best tool you have.
I'm having a lot of tiredness and brain fog at the moment as well but I see it as the brain healing it's self that's what helping me carry on.
Could you go for a run, or work out? Stay strong. It will pass...
Second that! And a well-rested mind is way better able to deal with those urges....
I can relate Fry. I had a very similar experience this past week, with too much on my plate. I realised that it's a kind of self-care to avoid overloading my schedule. It's hard, though, for us to feel at peace when we are just left on our own: there's no thought as terrifying as a Friday night in the house for me, ha!
Rest is easily the most underestimated activity, or even need, of modern man. Perhaps it's time to start planning rests in your agenda? Make rests during the day a routine in the same way you do for brushing your teeth or doing the dishes. Rest might seem like doing nothing, but it's actually doing a lot. It might take a bit of a different mindset, but although I'm still a novice myself, taking rests is something you can learn.
Same thing where I live. Overstimulation of a city full of hotties.
What to do when is a problem I have, with decision making, sometimes you just have to drop what you’re doing and fly, and the less thinking about it the better, especially if you are the type that thinking brings up too many reasons not to do something. Nature is a great healer. What would be your perfect retreat?
Great to see you back on form Fry.
Meditation before/after bedtime is the easiest way to implement this in a practical manner.
how to rest? Whenever I rest I lay in bed..I want little nap but feel lonely..get hard, edge and risk my sobriety a lot.
Oh man, you and me both....got any ideas how we could improve this? More self love, self acceptacne?
Rest doesn't necessarily mean you have to lie down. There are all kinds of activities that give you energy instead of draining it. Some very obvious ones are meditation or just sitting down doing pretty much nothing. I like to combine my own rests with nature. Sitting down in my garden and just watching the dynamics of birds, bees, hoverflies, bumblebee's and butterflies or talking a walk in the park (which is great to combine with a walking meditation). Taking serious time for a nice cup of tea or for your meal can also be forms of rests. What's most important is taking time out of a) accomplishing goals and b) the overload of sensations we are constantly exposed too. On a more relative scale something like reading a book can also be a rest.
And there is nothing wrong with feeling lonely every now and then, but there is so much more to the world than your loneliness. There really is not need to focus on that over and over again. What might help you with that are guided meditations that focus on the commonality of suffering, on expanding your world or on increasing curiosity. I mean, there are so many good and interesting things going on all the time, it's really a pity to constantly think about how lonely you are.
One thing I have noticed with myself (and I doubt I'm the only one doing this) is that the focus on self-improvement actually goes straight against self-acceptance. It's kind of a tricky thing. When I'm reading journals it's nearly always overflowing with self-improvement goals. But although it's a good thing to look at things that you like to change, it's important to accept yourself first. Don't think of yourself as a defunct person that needs to be changed, but rather as a complete person that would benefit from behaving a different way.
Totally agree. We are always trying to "accomplish." There is a value to not doing anything..(but not watching tv, like, pure rest.)
Completely understand the sense of not being able to rest and jumping from one thing to the next, to keep the mind busy.
I always noticed how much good it did me when I turned off all of this internet insanity, all electronic devices and went for a walk in nature.
It's just more... natural, and it does have a calming effect on the mind.
And like Thebeg said, meditation in the morning or before bed can be very helpful, if you give it some time and don't rush it as yet another thing we all "have to do".
I can only agree about what others have said about rest/relaxation. I get proper rest when I'm able to get away from everything, to a place where I can switch off daily life. I like to go for walks in the forest or countryside, or go for long bike rides.
If you live in the Alps, I'd say you got some great opportunities. That said, a place of rest has many faces; in my opinion, the important thing is that you can feel fully comfortable and free of stress in that place.
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