Self improvement and a life vision

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Fry2, Dec 5, 2016.

  1. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    I
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018
    TDC, Prodigy_92 and Thebeg like this.
  2. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Fry,

    First, let me tell you how glad I am to see you are back among us. I understand you now want to start a new chapter and dissociate yourself from your past. Whatever happened in your absence must have been very hard... and I'm sorry to not have anything to say to help you process that. But what you did here, return with a renewed wish to recover is something I deeply admire. It says a lot about who you really are, your determination to clean up your life and be your best self!

    Hopefully you'll come to see that those 5 years weren't wasted. They were a preparation for a new life, to where you are now, with your clear-eyed realization. So take this new opportunity with a great deal of optimism, because now is the time to accomplish great things for yourself.:)
     
    TDC and MarstonS like this.
  3. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    I want to congratulate you for making the decision to come back to the board and start rebooting again. Everything in life leads somewhere and what has happened can always be turned into something positive with the help of time and the right attitude.
    Do not apologize for taking a break. Sometimes in life that is just what we have to do...maybe se it as a learning experience, that things can get worse or something like that. We supported each other and I did not get upset at you for leaving, I did get a bit worried about you though. Worried that you would do something stupid and harmful to your self. I'm glad to se that you, even though you are in a rough place right now, still are OK. I'm very glad to have you back. We are brothers in arms. Brothers share the same blood.
    About the first few lines you wrote. Do not for one second doubt that you are smart. All the posts I read by you have made me 100% sure you are a man of high quality thinking and posess a high IQ. There is no doubt! When it comes to this addiction beast beeing smart is just not enough. I know you already know that so I'm speakingmostly for myself now, but during my five years of rebooting I slowly started realizing I must always remain humble infron of this addiction. I know how easy it is to slip and even as little as 14 days clean sometimes makes my confidence missjudge the dangers of triggers and so: BAM! I'm back to relapsing.

    Again I'm so happy you are back. I'm sure you will se some very hard times infront of you, perhaps with withdrwals and many slips to come but there is not a single doubt in my mind that you can do this!

    I'm also on day 1 today and I'm happy to, once again, have my brother, fry, beside me as we fight this beast togheter.

    Through these fields of destruction
    Baptisms of fire
    I've witnessed your suffering
    As the battle raged higher
    And though they did hurt you so bad,
    in the fear and alarm,
    You did not desert me
    my brother in arms.

    -Dire Straits-
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2016
  4. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Imho you should get professional help. Go to your GP and get to see a psychiatrist. Or get an addiction coach. Something.
     
  5. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Welcome back mate, glad to hear your ok, although sorry to hear your struggling. Im in agreement with no destination - get some therapy as I feel you may have some difficult issues to confront (I certainly did)

    Pleased to see ya back though dude ! :)
     
  6. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    Good to have you back, Fry.
     
  7. jnv

    jnv Active Member

    Welcome back and really, contratulation for deciding to come back after what you've been through.

    It wasn't in vain and I truly believe that it was necessary for your future recovery. In my opinion, every past experience, every past failure (even though I think the only failure happens when one quits for good) is a necessary step to make us understand the situation we are in even better and why we want to change. It's only when you feel like you hit bottom that you can really make a long lasting change. I think you are there now and and in the best situation to make it happen.


    I'm glad to see that your resolve to get better is stronger than ever. ;)
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2016
  8. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    Be kind to yourself these next few days :)
     
  9. I can sense the anger bubbling through your post, seems you have a lot of things pent up. I agree with the above, having a therapist or coach you trust can be a huge boost to your recovery and lower the aniexty and stress levels.
     
  10. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Welcome back Fry, you are always welcome here.

    I like to think that even these huge binge-sessions are just part of a normal recovery process. Think about it. We have these urges and try to overcome them. We deprive ourselves of the empty pleasure seeking, and the brain tries to respond by creating stronger urges. Which means that from time to time a big binge-relapse may occur. So if there's anything you should realize, it's that even though it feels like you're all back to zero, this was just another step in your journey.

    The only thing that matters is that you keep going. And your return to this forum attests to that. So a big round of applause for you my friend.
     
  11. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    Sounds good man. Perhaps right now is not the time for that education. Too much at once is not good if we are in a situation that we already feel bad.
     
  12. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Yes Fry, it's really important to also have fun stuff in your life that you can look forward too. I too tend to deprive myself of fun stuff as a "punishment" for not working hard enough or not achieving enough. But it's rather the other way around: by also having fun and social things in your life you'll be able to achieve more. Like you said, things have to be in balance.

    Sometimes it's better to say "no", I think it's a good call that you freed up some personal space by cancelling your education program. Perhaps you can resume it at a later point in time, or maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway.
     
  13. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Fry, Good job! Making changes is huge. Education can wait and you noticed you would have too much on your plate. Getting a therapist really isn't that tough..there are millions of them, one on every block. If you can find a referral, that is helpful of course. You sit down for an hour, chat with someone about what is going on in life, and work towards solution. It can be uncomfortable, but the rewards can be huge.

    You may also want to consider checking out an AA meeting. It has helped me a lot, connecting with other people who have the same problem I do. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol for many years. The fellowship and new way of life has given me so many gifts.

    Good luck, you're on the good road now.
     
  14. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Ride the huge wave of support you are getting here! You articulated it best when you said "time to make the necessary changes and heal". When motivation to change comes from the inside out, then you are already halfway to where you want to be. The rest is in the doing... and that is up to you.;)
     
  15. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Let me tell you Fry2, the greatest leaps in life come when people hit bottoms. For me, its 100% this way. People stay in relationships for a long time because they are bad, but not horrible. People stay in jobs they are not happy with because they are bad, but not horrible. You've hit your bottom. You proved it by making the changes you have. Now get lifted up through therapy (it will help a little), and the self help group is definitely huge! If you have had a problem with drinking and drugs, I would definitely try out a couple AA meetings.
     
  16. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    Well it's definitely a mature, grown-up step - we spend our younger years keeping our misdeeds secret from our parents. I still do.
     
  17. MarstonS

    MarstonS Walking the longest walk...

    You have a lot of courage in you my brother. Telling your parents, beeing that conservative, must have been hard. I'd just hope you would have got more support though.

    5 days clean is great! It's weekend now though so stay extra strong.
     
  18. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Hi Fry2,
    I didn't know you left the forum, as I've also stopped to go there for several months. I came back here last week. I searched you journal (the former one) but didn't find it. Then I saw Fry2 and started to read what happened to you.
    Let me tell you that you're really a strong guy, full of bravery and cleverness. Your former journal was full of very good advices, a reference for me. Keep going on mate, you really deserve it. Happy to read you here again. Sincerely.
    We have a French proverb which says, as you know: "tant qu'il y a de la vie il y a de l'espoir" : as long as you're alive, there is still hope.
    Sometimes we need to touch the bottom to be able to jump. You're on the right way bro'.
    Keep us posted.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2016
  19. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    This is huge, Fry. Sharing the problem IRL somehow makes it more real and easier to accept at the same time.
     
  20. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    I dare you to come out!

    It's ok, Fry. Don't be too quick to judge them yourself! Parents want the best for their kids, so hearing what you told them gave them quite a shocker. What else did you expect? Give them time, and you might be surprised the support may come when you least expect it. Be patient. But saying this already was an extraordinary first step and will lighten the load on your shoulders. I believe it will help you on the long run.
     

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