Screw#Femdom [OPEN GROUP]

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by RolandOfGilead, Dec 12, 2014.

  1. kira

    kira Member

    All the best BringMeBack. You can check out the book Inner Bonding by Dr. Margaret Paul, it is really helping me connect with my inner child. For me femdom has been a result of my insecurities and low self worth which got ingrained overtime. I am 22 years old now and trying to change of all the negative false beliefs I have adapted in the past decade. We all need to look inward to understand what has caused us to get here. I hope this group becomes active like it was before.
     
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  2. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

  3. BringMeBack

    BringMeBack New Member

    @niskanen91, thanks for posting this link! It's a very interesting conversation they are having. I subscribe to the theory that DaisyAnarchist explained about feeling not worthy of my father's time. My father was never around when I needed him, and I grew up with a very distorted view of my self worth. I too have a cuckold fetish and I feel like it comes from a feeling in my past that I simply wasn't good enough, that I was betrayed, and I learned to eroticize it.
     
  4. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

  5. changemaker

    changemaker New Member

    Hey guys new to this group

    The last post was some time ago but hopefully there is still a community of sorts on here!

    I am heavily addicted to femdom/findom and am aiming to recover from this

    Accepting I have a massive problem and believing I can do it is the first step

    If anyone wants to chat or anything let me know, I would love to be able to impact people positively whilst I recover on this journey

    Changemaker
     
  6. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hello changemaker, good luck in your journey!
     
  7. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    quick note about femdom- it's weakness, it's your submission to the oedipal mother, its your inability to break free from the nest and manifest your masculinity in the real world. I had an oppressive older sister and a tough mother who did the hitting, not my dad. Here's the easiest solution which is working for me- fill your head with positive male role models. Elliot Hulse, Corey Wayne, Jordan Peterson are the ones I have used (if you have other ones please do share). Even if you're in your 40s and 50s you need to transform that insecure boy into a man. You must be a leader in your relationship. Your woman can run the household, and probably will, but it must be you setting the direction for your life. It is your job to be a woman's sturdy ship, braving the tough waters of life and bringing order to the feminine nature of reality (mother nature). It's not her job take care of you. That's what your mother is for. It's her job to be the wind in your sails as you steer the ship to success. At first when you meet a women she will blow her wins to test your ship and see if you will capsize. But once she realizes you are strong and sturdy, she will be the winds in your sails which drive you forward to frontiers you never imagined. Good luck brothers.

    And don't forget, femdom is a pathology. if it wasn't, then why would the only women available interested charge money, be interested in using men, or be women with their own pathologies?
     
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  8. changemaker

    changemaker New Member

    Great comment!!
     
  9. changemaker

    changemaker New Member

    Guys I know this takes some courage, but I was thinking of setting up a weekly Skype group to have a femdom addiction recovery meeting.

    For obvious reasons of privacy we could also create proxy usernames and only use audio or typing communication (not video).

    It could be helpful to discuss issues and what works and what helps on a regular basis, I know I often feel lonely in this journey.

    Anyway if anyone thinks this is a good idea please shout out or if you have any other ideas!
     
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  10. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    @changemaker I'm glad you liked my comment, sometimes I get a little philosophical. And I'm not sure there is anything to talk about. What did you have in mind? In my opinion, all you need to worry about is getting that nasty shit out of your life, and starting to talk to women in the real world. Any sex with a computer is wrong, femdom or not. The only way to have sexual adventures, is to go out and have sexual adventures.
     
  11. breaking_free

    breaking_free Member

    Hi everyone,

    I only recently discovered this forum and thought I'd sign up to see if talking to others about this problem might be beneficial in some way.
    It would also be great to read other peoples stories and try to see what works and what doesn't when it comes to leading a more healthy lifestyle free from this addiction.

    I'm here because I have almost hit "rock bottom". I have been struggling on and off with addiction to financial domination and femdom for 10+ years now. But in recent times it has gotten extremely bad. I've been spending around 4-6 hours per day, every single day of the week, doing nothing but browsing Findom related materials online.

    I have begun to realise that despite wasting lots of money on this fetish, I am also wasting something arguably far more valuable- my life. All this time being spent on findom/femdom porn is time I will never get back, it's my life- passing me by and it's ruining everything- my social life, my dating prospects, my finances, my self confidence, my chances of achieving life goals, and I think it has even caused problems relating to depression and anxiety.

    Despite all of these negative consequences, I am finding it extremely difficult to stop. And even "extremely difficult" is putting it mildly!

    One of the worst things I did recently was create a "pay pig" themed Twitter account. There is a seemingly never ending number of women on Twitter catering to this fetish. This one action opened me up to a daily bombardment of images, tweets, messages and notifications and before I knew it I was spending all of my time checking it.

    2 days ago- I deactivated the account.

    I'm seeing guys on this forum who speak of being able to stay free from femdom for several weeks at a time. I do not wish to sound weak willed, but I am amazed at how this is possible, because I have only tried to keep away from femdom for two short days and it feels like I am under 24/7 attack from non-stop invasive thoughts and urges.

    It feels almost impossible to imagine quitting this addiction right now. Things are so bad that I feel like any MOMENT I could lose control and be right back to browsing femdom again.

    One thing that makes femdom a particularly difficult problem is that addiction itself is fetishised. Femdom stuff online is filled with messages that aim to make "being addicted" part of the sexual thrill. Findom sexualises the act of giving in and relapsing.

    This is a serious problem- because it means the moment I am thinking thoughts about quitting Findom, it is triggering me to feel that giving in again would be just about the hottest thing I could possibly do.

    Has anyone here got any suggestions when it comes to handling the overwhelming onslaught of urges when trying to stop this addiction? For me the urges are absolutely constant. It's like my body is nagging me non-stop to give in and go back to it.

    Please tell me things get easier than this after a while? I would dread to think these urges continue into weeks, months, or even indefinitely.
     
  12. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    @breaking_free Listen and listen good. I was in your hole. Thankfully I was smart enough to not actually send these vultures any money, but its okay just stop now. Dude seriously realize that these are women possessed with malevolent intentions. They are of course human and have both good and bad in them, but what they are doing is pathological. They have an unhealthy relationship with men too, its just theres is more sociopathic, yours is fantasy. Delete the accounts, delete the porn, start nofap and start talking to women in the real world. That is it. That will fix your problem. Don't listen to any other bullshit, thats seriously it. I've done years of reading on this, covered every little negative thought that's going to creep into your mind (oh what if Im just different and meant to be into this? What if its too late for me now and this is all Ill ever be into? What if I did too much damage with the porn and now i can never be rewired?). NO NO NO, all wrong. Your brain thinks its living some place where this is how you should be having sex. Your brain doesn't know the difference between the pixels on your screen and reality. So yes, even as you take your brain out of that vultures den, you may have thoughts that remind you of that place, and they will make you horny. This will weaken over time, but may take years to get rid of. That doesn't matter, because as you leave that place, you enter a new one. Start talking to women in the real world. Over time your brain will start fantasizing about those women. I was at a point where the only porn I could ever watch was femdom porn, and it got progressively more hardcore. Now the idea of normal sex is getting increasingly more appealing. Just being with a women, and experiencing her, not focused on fantasies, focused on reality.
    Even reading your post sort of brought back my memories of being into those types of accounts, but I have much stronger willpower now and its only been 33 days. Yes my brain still kind of finds that material fascinating, but it is also getting more attuned to real women. All that's happened here is you spent years in a place where the women in that land have sex via whatever fantasies you jacked off to. Now its time to leave that place, and bring your sexual energy into a new place- the real world. If, and this is a big if, you just can't resist and must fap, fap to women you saw in the real world. And don't fantasize about anything. Don't fantasize about how you are going to be with them, things you are going to do to them, literally just bring up the mental image of that person and fap to that. THATs it. You got this. I am personally invested in your case because I find findom despicable. But you are blessed to have wondered into this place with men who have spent a lot of time in that wretched place you are escaping.

    Other relevant facts:
    How old you are, how much time you spent fapping does not matter. You will readjust to the real world. If your brain was no longer capable of adjusting, then it would be dead. It's that simple. Our brains are changing every second, every nano second in fact.
    You will experience a range of emotions during this process. You will realize that very often you spent time in this fantasy land not because you were horny, but because you didn't want to face your emotions. When the emotions come up, and they will, deal with them in the instant, don't find another crutch. For example, all of a sudden a terrible memory of something really unfair happening to you might come to your mind and make you pissed. Isolate the thought, ask yourself what you can do about it, why you feel that way, and how you can take action to remedy that. In terms of dealing with the onslaught of urges, USE THEM. This is your golden opportunity to rewire. When the urge comes and you want to go find that fapmaterial, start imagining women you saw in the real world. Literally tell your brain "that is what that sexual energy is for, not for those stupid twitter women". Or, go for a walk. Or exercise. The point is, you are using your cortical structures to rewire your limbic urges. Now don't get me wrong, eventually those limbic urges become so powerful they may overwhelm you. If and when that happens transmute that power into healthy sexual thoughts, preferably memories of women from the real world, and eventually, actual sexual activity with a women. God bless brother.
     
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  13. breaking_free

    breaking_free Member

    WanderingSoul - Thank you very much for your reply, I appreciate you taking the time to write back to me and offer all of the advice that you did.

    And I found a lot of what you said very interesting because most of the points you touched upon - such as the idea that this fetish is simply "part of who I am" or that I've been "doing this too long now to hope to change" are all thoughts that I have battled with.

    What I'm going to say will probably sound very grim and depressing, but ultimately none of us know how much time we have on this Earth or our loved ones for that matter, and it makes me sick to the pit of my stomach that my time is being stolen by this horrible addiction.

    I will definitely try my absolute best to take your advice when it comes to re-channeling those energies into the real world, as you put it.

    I'm also going to be realistic though because I know this is going to be an extremely hard battle.

    This thing, this addiction, totally hijacks my brain and shuts down the rational, thinking part. These moments happen randomly, throughout the day. It's like a form of obsessive thinking- because I get these nagging thoughts which cycle over and over in my mind- findom/femdom related fantasies and flashbacks. They seem to keep going and going until my willpower breaks down and eventually I'm just left feeling like I absolutely need to go and check out some femdom porn.

    I'm sure it could be argued that many of these Dommes on Twitter are just having a bit of fun, and that the men who come to them, do so voluntarily.

    But knowing how powerful this addiction can be and the extent of how much damage it can do, it's difficult to justify some of the things I've seen them do and say.
    For instance, many of them now are openly encouraging the idea of going into debt, ruining marriages, laughing at people being lonely ect.
    One of the very worst things I saw recently was a Domme on Twitter boasting about how she is taking advantage of a disabled "pig". This utterly sickened me.

    I realise they are not all bad people- not at all- and many probably do not even realise the damage they are doing.

    You said you were in my situation but have been clear for 33 days (that's great by the way) - do you mind me asking whether you have found your urges to go back to this stuff have gotten easier to manage over time and if so, how long roughly did it take to reach that point?

    Anyway, thanks again for your advice- much appreciated.
     
  14. breaking_free

    breaking_free Member

    Just wanted to document a few more thoughts here today, hope you guys don't mind me sharing parts of my journey..

    Firstly, I've been trying to clear my online contacts of Domme's I have been speaking to over the course of being addicted to Findom. I've deleted most - apart from 2 or 3. It probably sounds crazy, but I feel extremely guilty about blocking them. Has anyone else had this issue? My theory is that maybe these online "sessions" trick your mind into thinking you have built up some kind of connection with these people, even if it's a negative one. As I build up the courage to delete the last of them, I keep trying to tell myself these people do not care about me, they're not my friends- and they were only there to take advantage of my fetishes.

    I have stopped contacting these Domme's directly - but sometimes I still find myself "lurking" there with my status set to available, secretly hoping one of them will contact me and tempt me into relapsing.
    This probably sounds like a total contradiction to trying to quit findom- but I am just being honest about some of the bizzare behaviours/urges that seem to arise.

    I've been trying recently to mindfully pay more attention to the nature of the thoughts I tend to get when I get these urges for Findom. It's a fascinating exercise to just passively "observe" the thoughts your own mind bombards you with. I've noticed when these urges first surface, a common thought is "just have a quick look" - whether it be to check for social media notifications or porn website updates- it's always this idea of "just" having a quick check, usually with the intention that I won't be on there long. Of course that never happens- invariably there's almost always something that triggers onset of complete mindless tunnel vision and by that time it's too late.

    I do wonder if a major component of this addiction is indeed being addicted to the continual series of smaller rushes of seeing a new message from a Domme, or seeing a new video update on a website.

    Anyway- that's all for now. Just wanted to put some of my thoughts out there. Hopefully some of you guys are at least reasonably active on this forum, because I'd really like to hear about other peoples experiences too not just my own.
     
  15. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    I understand the miserable, bleak outlook you have right now. THERE IS A LIGHT AND YOU ARE READING IT RIGHT NOW. yes the urges get easier. They get weaker and weaker over time. and occasionally they come back powerfully but u literally just change the thought either to a woman you saw in the real world, or you tell your brain NO, this is not how I want my sex life to be. Either way, you will beat this. Its been done many many many times, you are not unique in this. True, they seriously are a manifestation of the evil in the world right now. What they are doing is despicable. All i meant when i said they have good in them too is that you should not be bitter or hate them, you should just realize "yes there is evil in the world, yes there is shiftiness, but there's lots of good". You need to live a life of purpose, go pick a way you can use who you are to make the world a better place. Be a fighter for good. Stop fapping and your doors will open up. And i understand the power of your sexuality. I am not telling you to repress it. But what you need to understand is this- your sexuality is guided by your hypothalamus and other limbic areas. It doesn't know whats real and whats fake. Your neocortex does. So the next time your hypothalamus says hey i really want some sex take me back to that place with the women, your neocortex must say - don't worry I will bring you women, but not at that place. That is a terrible place. Remember that girl we saw on the street today? Remember that woman at work i had a nice chat with? Those are the ones you can engage, not those pixels. I know Im sounding insane and I know you are probably miserable. But I repeat, you are not alone, we have beaten this, here's what you are going to do:
    1. Vow to never watch porn again. Delete any access you have to unhealthy representations of women. If its anything more than just pictures of them, or videos that are completely non sexual, then its toxic. Delete your twitter if you must. Delete instagram. Whatever.
    2. When the fantasies come, when you remember the findom chicks,don't get mad at yourself. Either say no I'm not doing this. Im not into this. And then return to what you were doing. Every time they come back just repeat, and it gets easier over time (I promise). Or take that energy you feel building up and think of women you saw in your day. I promise your urge for real sex will return. I promise you brother.
    3. Start working out/ researching health.
    4. Figure out some type of goal that is exciting to you.

    "I've been trying recently to mindfully pay more attention to the nature of the thoughts I tend to get when I get these urges for Findom. It's a fascinating exercise to just passively "observe" the thoughts your own mind bombards you with. I've noticed when these urges first surface, a common thought is "just have a quick look" - whether it be to check for social media notifications or porn website updates- it's always this idea of "just" having a quick check, usually with the intention that I won't be on there long. Of course that never happens- invariably there's almost always something that triggers onset of complete mindless tunnel vision and by that time it's too late"

    5. Good. You are becoming mindful. This is important. Get into meditation. It will develop your power of mind.
    6. Make conscious efforts to talk to women in the real world. The more days you get into no fap the easier it becomes.
    7. Go for walks. Especially on days when you are home and the urges are rampant, you can't stop touching yourself, you feel the temptation, you don't feel like theres an end to this, get out and go walk.
     
  16. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    Also of course you feel guilty deleting them. This is proof of what I was explaining to you that your limbic system doesn't know what it wants, it just knows it wants women. Its telling you " dude why are you cutting off my access to sex". To which you must reply "hey idiot. that isn't a woman. Let me show you what a woman is. And then think of women from the real world. Sounds to me like you need to just delete your twitter by the way. I can't tell you how freeing it is to get rid of twitter and instagram. Just mindless nonsense, porn, people arguing and vultures trying to steal your mind.
     
  17. breaking_free

    breaking_free Member

    WanderingSoul- thanks again for a very thought provoking response.

    As mentioned previously, this addiction is something that has taken over my life and I've been viewing this pornography and talking to online Dommes every moment of my spare time- every day of the week- for a very long time now. I struggle to last a day or two without relapse. So the fact that I can see you are on day 35 makes me inclined to take the good advice you are offering very seriously indeed.

    I'm particularly fascinated by what you are saying with regards to the limbic system and it not knowing the different between real & fake, between harmful and non-harmful. I need to become more educated on this topic, because what you say makes complete sense (and none of it sounded crazy, by the way). It's somewhat comforting to know that these persistent urges are not inherently evil, they are just what a part of my brain has become conditioned to think it needs, and I need to strengthen the part of my mind that does know the difference between right & wrong.

    In regards to focussing more on "real women"- one of the very negative effects I think femdom/findom porn has had is to distort my view of women. There is an almost endless supply of Dommes on Twitter and when you spend any length of time interacting with them, you start to wonder if the real world is simply filled with women who are like this.
    They may or may not be lying but some of them even claim to be working in positions of trust in society- such as being nurses or therapists ect.
    So as part of my healing process, I definitely need to try, somehow, to regain a more balanced view of women generally.

    One of the most important steps in overcoming this addiction it seems is deleting accounts, blocking porn websites and so on. While I am somewhat ashamed to admit what I'm about to say, I none the less would like to be honest- is that I have not yet managed to block access to all of these websites- only some of them.

    The reason I am still clinging onto some- is that when I try to block/delete, part of my mind seems to be screaming at me "don't do it! You'll seriously regret it later when you need them!". It's an extremely powerful feeling, and while I do want to overcome this addiction, there is clearly a part of me that thinks cutting off access to this material feels akin to depriving yourself of access to something your body thinks it needs in order to function. It sounds absolutely crazy I know, but this is the battle that is going on in my own mind.

    In many ways, constantly checking for new messages from Dommes on Twitter, constantly checking certain websites for "updates"- and mindlessly browsing images and videos for hours at a time are just as addictive (if not more so) than the eventual release. They all provide a series of smaller "hits". For example, I've not actually had an orgasm to this material for a couple of days now, but I am still finding it extremely difficult to stop myself from checking / browsing.

    I realise in order to stand any chance of overcoming this, I NEED to block access to all of these websites - because even the very act of doing this is re-enforcing the addiction.

    Perhaps deep down, I know I've got so addicted to this stuff and spent so much time on it, that I'm scared what will happen if these things are suddenly no longer "there" anymore.
    If I don't have access to any of these things, there is suddenly going to be a huge, empty hole in my life where this addiction has caused many things in my life to fall by the wayside.

    I'll suddenly have lots of free time on my hands - which sadly then creates the perfect conditions for a relapse. It's a vicious cycle.

    The obvious answer of course is to fill this emptiness with other, more productive pursuits, and that is something I will have to start re-directing my thoughts and energies into.

    WanderingSoul- I'm going to try to take your checklist of points very seriously , and begin incorporating what you said into my life over the days and weeks ahead.
     
  18. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    Lol @breaking_free nah you don't sound crazy. I used to "delete" porn videos i had, but took comfort knowing they were still in my trash and could be revived. You have to realize that this is literally a battle between different parts of your brain. One is extremely primitive, its found literally in lizards, monkeys, ferrets. The difference between those animals is that they are slaves to their nature. They just act, they don't think. We developed consciousness as a result of the development of our neocortex- frontal lobe, temporal lobe and parietal lobe. These structures are what brought you to this site, they are what make you feel guilty and miserable. That's what they are programmed to do when they realize you are not succeeding in the world. They guide those lower level systems on how to express themselves properly in the real world. They are designed to seek information when they don't know what to do. That is why they brought you here. Not only are humans foragers of things, we forage for information. Well I'm giving it you.

    i completely understand the pleasures of browsing my addiction got to doing it for hours at a time,at work in the bathroom, even at work while I was at my desk. It's sick really.
    One thing that will really help you stick to that checklist, is to get inspired by wise men. That's one thing our society has stripped us of, is access to strong, wise male figures.
    Jordan Peterson
    Elliot Hulse
    Corey Wayne
    These three guys changed my life.
     
  19. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    Also just so you know, my current streak is 35 days, but I've had relapses in the past. This is a journey I've been on for a few years now. Every time you catch yourself about to look at porn, or looking at and stop, that's a victory. Every single time. Every time you feel your hand creeping to your penis and you stop it, that's a victory. Small relapses aren't the worst thing in the world. Because now you are starting over but you just had 15 victories prior so your brain is a little stronger. The thing is you are rigt about the filling the void. If you don't come up with a plan using your neocortex, then all you are doing is building its willpower. That's a good start,but you also need to be teaching it how to succeed in the world. Here's the good news though, once you start talking to women, it learns quickly and a lot of it is without your thought. For example it becomes better at reading body language, facial language, picking up social cues etc.
    Plan- execute- learn-plan-execute learn- plan execute- learn. Thats the process.
    Go fill your head with Corey Wayne, he is a dating expert. Not a lame pick up dude but actually a good person who wants you to have healthy relationships. Based on what he say you plan- you execute- and then based on what happens you learn and try again.
     
  20. WanderingSoul

    WanderingSoul Member

    Also that is a very very small percentage of women you are totally warped right now.
     

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