Saving my marriage and life

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by spinergy, Mar 19, 2012.

  1. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    MetaMorph-- yep, just a hint of an urge at a point in the day that used to be habitual--barely noticeable, but noted for sake of vigilance. We'll grind this out together, brother!

    Paulier--excellent, timely caution about web-based procrastination becoming P-based procrastination. And, alcohol....yep.

    gettingthere--you fit in already. Let's git 'er done!

    Stay strong, all.
  2. tpc_uk

    tpc_uk New Member

    Hi Spinergy,

    Thanks for your words of advice on my old thread. I'm feeling a bit more calm now after that outburst.

    I have a bit of advice and that is try not to resist the urges but rather try to go into the feeling fully and transmute it into present moment awareness. I have tried this on some occasions and found it to be quite liberating.
  3. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Hey Spinergy! Just checking in to say, "hey friend, have a great day today!"

  4. RecoverED

    RecoverED Guest

    Fantastic analogy. It really conveys the highs and lows of this process. Congrats on making it to Day 36! Looking forward to hearing more about your progress
  5. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Hiya Spin and thanks for the welcome.
    I'm on day 38 and I find this support invaluable on many levels. Some are in similar situations I can really relate to like your getting caught twice. (ouch, that sucked!). That marriage shit the bed for lots of reasons but PMO was definitely in the top 5.
    I've not had performance problems myself so that is where I am feeling really bad for you. (I know gratuitous pity is the pits.) It is such a tangible manifestation of "manhood" that it must challenge your very core. (I'm praying for you in that area.)

    On the other hand, my manhood has been challenged in a different way. I've fucked up my career (lawyer) although it's not dead. I was living in my parents' basement 2 years ago and celebrated my 50th birthday in jail. So as far as being a good provider and an upstanding citizen I feel woefully inadequate as a man. I admire you for working hard and getting it done.

    I'm almost crying now because I feel like I've wasted everything I've been given, which is a lot.

    I'm hoping you succeed in this and your wife falls back in love with in the magical way it began.
  6. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Thanks, gettingthere!

    I, and everyone here, can certainly relate to this feeling. It's important to acknowledge the reality of the consequences of this behavior. The feeling of regret, sadness and loss can be overwhelming.

    However, today is a new day. What's done is done. Despite all that we've wasted, many of the advantages we've been given remain. All we can do, and all we need to do, is to make sure we don't waste them today, so that, in the future, when we remember this day and those that follow, we can tell ourselves that we did our best with what we had.

    We will do this.

    Stay strong.
  7. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Day 37 a.m.: no PMO urges; morning wood; apparent increase in libido and sensitivity (unit seems more sensitive to clothing); mood is good, but procrastinating a lot.

    I want to try resuming relations with my wife, but I think it's too soon and my libido is too suppressed. Maybe conditions will be better on Day 45 or so.

    Quote for the day: "There are no easy answers but there are simple answers. We must have the courage to do what we know is morally right." R. Reagan.

  8. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Thanks Spin,
    That was a good insight about doing what we can here and now.
    It is so true what you said about still having advantages. They weren't necessarily squandered completely if I can learn from them.

    As far as resuming relations w/ your wife, heck, give it a whirl. Either way it helps. If you don't make it you have more incentive to stay away from the porn that makes you weak. And if you do get'r done, well that just reinforces the value of this difficult process.
    If you're rusty, just try to concentrate on timing it around her needs and emotions, then even if it doesn't work she'll feel happy you were thinking about her.
  9. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

    Damn, keep going dude, sum of us are here wishing we can get to where you are, keep it going
  10. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Spinergy, good luck with your resumption of relations with your wife, whenever you feel the time is right. I'm 100% sure you will be amazed at the result! And so will she!

    (Unfortunatley, you may have to explain how you got things turned around haha. You might want to start working on your "story." ;D )

    Have a great day!
  11. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Hiya Spin,
    I'm still on the good wagon.
    I hope your weekend went well and that there are tangible results from your reboot.
    Truly, I haven't felt much in the way of tangible results and I'm skeptical of the whole "morning wood" thing. On the other hand I've had some startling insights.
    Do you think the insights are harbingers of good things to come? (I have such a long, long, long way to go before I feel healthy.)
  12. Harry

    Harry Guest

    Hello Spinergy,

    Sage words. Why didn't I read it when I most needed it? I will remember this while I resist the chaser effect.
  13. Paulier

    Paulier New Member

    Hey Spinergy - what's up? Haven't heard from you in a while! Hope things're OK.
  14. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Day 47: Still on course. Occasional PMO urges, but not frequent or intense, possibly related to the fact that libido is still very low (although somewhat more present). Mood still so-so.

    I realize that this poison has been in my system so long that it will take significant time to reboot.
  15. gettingthere

    gettingthere New Member

    Hiya Spin,
    I'm still paralleling (day 48) and empathizing with you about the urges.
    I'm feeling some unhealthy urges and feeling blah.
    Also, like you I'm wondering how long it will take to really reboot.
    I've been doing PMO for about 35 years on and off.
  16. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    Spinergy, glad you're back and still on the wagon. I was a little worried about you dude... :p

    In my case, I think the real problem is not the poison but the machine. The poison will eventually resolve but the systems that wanted it ain't going anywhere, and management of that system is what will take the longest to master, i.e. my new goal is to abstain from MO forever. Porn was just a nice way to juice the MO machine, which is really where all my problems in life have come from... I think. :eek:

    Hang in there and have a good day today.
  17. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Thanks gettingthere and metamorph.

    I completely agree about the need to manage the machine even after the poison is gone. I'm not sure that all my problems in life have come from MO, but I suspect some of them have. In any event, there's no upside to it, so I share your goal of permanent abstinence from MO as well as P.

    Stay strong, brothers.
  18. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Wow dude. Almost 50 days. This is inspirational stuff. I'm almost at 30 and so proud. Keep it up, I'll be monitoring your progress with enthusiasm. Stay vigilant!
  19. MetaMorph

    MetaMorph New Member

    This is worth repeating. Man, there just is no good reason to go anywhere near PMO, knowing all the pros and cons.

    That's one reason I want to continue updating my situation. I realize it may come across as bragging, but I can't resist honestly reporting what can happen in the bedroom when we abstain from PMO. It's truly remarkable, and I want all men to know this can happen for them too, even if they can't experience it right now.

    Have a great day today friend. :)
  20. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Thanks, darknight & Meta!

    Meta--it doesn't come across as bragging to me. I appreciate your reports for exactly the reason you state, and I suspect many others do as well.

    Day 48 a.m.: Fairly stable. Slightly more noticeable PMO urges, possibly due to stress, but not strong. Libido is still low, although I believe marginally improved over an absolute flatline. Noticeably increased penile sensitivity.

    Guys, there are many benefits to rebooting and recovery. Some will be immediately apparent, some may take many months to appear.

    But the fundamental benefit is immediate: mastering your self.

    For decades we've been told that we should indulge every urge, that if it feels good do it, that self-control is psychological "repression," that the orgasm is the pinacle of human asperation, that self-indulgence is more important than self-respect.

    That is complete bullshit.

    I can't do much to change the large-scale damage this cultural sickness has wreaked on our society--and, since I believe in personal liberty, I won't tell others how to live.

    But I can change what it's done to me and those I love.

    We all can.

    This really is the only road.

    The only way to be a man is to act like a man.

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