Saving my love-life

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Mescalito, Oct 24, 2018.

  1. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    And back again ;)

    Since 34 hours I'm on nicotine substitution again and I'm pretty stable and confident that I'm going to pull it off this time. Feels very good right now, also my almost 27 days PMO abstinence finally start to feel like I've accomplished something.
    Now is the perfect time to start working on other stuff I want to do during the next 5 month:
    - Quit smoking for good (work in progress)
    - Loose 15kg of fat (will start as soon as the worst withdrawal from cigarettes is over)
    - Pick up weightlifting again
    - Build a new hardtail mountain bike as a gift for myself in 5 month (Ordered the frame this tuesday)
    - Get into some other small habits, doing a bit of Qigong, maybe I will start to meditate again
     
  2. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Had a very cool erotic dream about a girl at my work.
    The nicotine withdrawal is now taking a dominant role, which is partly a good thing, because the PMO stuff is really out of my head right now.
    Unfortunately it's a way more intense experience, brainfog is through the roof but I'm really confident that I will push through.
     
  3. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Fun fact:
    When I was in the bathtub today I thought about my reasons to quit smoking - as I have done in the past.
    But this time the first points that came to my mind were "My dick is going to get harder" and "Juicy, pink pussy is going to taste and smell so much better" and "It will increase my chances with non-smoking girls" :eek: but hey, whatever keeps me going.

    And ... 4 weeks of abstinence are finally over and I just came home from the gym plus I'm feeling very good right now. Now I'm going to do some housework. Cya
     
  4. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Damn, just came very close to relapsing. I already had my flaccid dick grabbed and was about getting it hard. Chaturbate was waiting. Luckily I didn't give in.
    I jumped up and started cleaning my kitchen.
    All this lazy screen-time really is pretty bad, I really need to be more active with actual rewarding tasks - far away from my phone/laptop.
     
  5. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    And today it's a full month of abstinence. I'm not struggling with no PMO anymore, which feels very good. Still no sign of libido, but that's fine too.
    Relapsed in terms of smoking, but I won't give up.
    Also I successfully reduced my calorie intake these past days without much trouble.
    My apartment is starting to look really clean btw ;)
     
  6. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    And again I'm pretty stable on nicotine substitution. Diet is going ok so far, I'm not that hungry.

    No-PMO is doing pretty well. It's pretty weird though, my head can get horny as hell, but my body doesn't react to it at all.
    As a one month resume I can see some small changes in my motivation. Feels like I'm getting more stuff done than before and I'm less procrastinating.
     
  7. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Geez, it's such an up and down. I really don't know anymore in which direction my recovery is going at the moment. One day it's like I can pull off not masturbating like forever, the next day I really get into a foul mood if I realize how many days I still have to got. Today is the latter.
    Still not going to touch my dick, still not going to give in.

    Fuck, luckily the weekend just around the corner, going to do some cleaning now. Did my stuff at the gym just as planned - the only good thing today.
     
  8. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Aaannd I just masturbated while watching one of my favourite girls on chaturbate. Just didn't want to resist anymore. The orgasm blew me of my feet... cheesus christ :eek:
    I'm ok, not beating myself up about it but now I'm confident that this is my final goodbye to virtual erotica. No more just taking a look. My next sexual experience is going to be with a woman when I am finally able to feel true desire again.

    It surely wasn't a major setback, and it would be an exaggeration to say that I'm back to square one, but I substracted 7 days from my tracker regardless.
    I'm planning to have finished my no-pmo, diet and other liftestyle goals on the first of march 2019. That leaves me 106 days and I'm going to make it.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2018
  9. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Today was pretty good.
    Sticked to my diet plan and still a stable non smoker so far. Having no urges to masturbate or to watch porn. Maybe getting it out of the system yesterday wasn't too much of a bad idea.
     
  10. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Another day, another opportunity to make changes happen. I don't want to count the days I've gotten over with anymore but instead focus on what I can achieve in the remaining time.
    My Chaturbate account has just been deleted for good, and I was hanging out with some buddies yesterday evening. Watching movies, smoking pot, talking etc.
    I definitely need to do this more often.
     
  11. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Well long time no see.

    Who could have guessed... I didn't do quite everything I wanted or in other words I screwed up. Not searching for excuses (there is always one) also I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

    Instead I'm now 24 days nicotine free
    and didn't orgasm for like 16 days until yesterday.
    My resolve regarding PMO was a bit weak as I was allowing myself some porn/chaturbate. That ultimately led to the masturbation yesterday. Time to restart and monkmode it is now ;).
    I'm well over the hill regarding nicotine withdrawal so now let's definitely focus on the other tasks:
    - PMO
    - I'm well into riding my mountain bike 2 or 3 times per week for 8 weeks now. Time to go to the gym too, but I'm not sweating this one too much. Riding comes first
    - Dietary changes come slow and are hard for me, so let's start with not eating sweets anymore and stopping to go to restaurants or using the tempting delivery service. Restaurant is cool 2-3 times a month with friends
    - My flat looks like shit these days, will do a major clean up session this evening
    - The new bike is postponed, would just be a waste of money right now. Will wait until December when there are usually big sales
     
  12. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    Good luck man! A clean head in a clean house :D
     
  13. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Thx buddy, it was huge success ... ok I skipped the bathroom which is going to be my task for the evening

    I'm feeling pretty fine today but I have to be really aware not to check out my pornsites automatically.

    Nonetheless today is biking day and I'm going to ride in the local forrest after work.
     
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  14. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Shit, the withdrawal is really hitting me right now like never before.
    I want to check out some porn really bad, like really bad.
    Where is this coming from ?? In the past the urges were pretty mild. I guess my brain is now really starving from being deprived of two of it's pleasure activities [​IMG]

    This is most likely going to be a shitty weekend but fuck it i'm going to pull through this.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2019
    Bezoechow likes this.
  15. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    Yeah I've seen this happen with others too, that the second time around seems much harder than the first. If you can get out of the initial pit it will get easier though, so give it all you got!
     
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  16. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Thx, but I've had longer steaks 4 or 5 times already. I think my harsh reaction this time is related to me being on two withdrawals at the same time. Plus I'm limiting my food intake.
    My brain has very little sources of intense pleasure right now.
    But I desired this situation - now the real reboot can begin. I just didn't think I'd get this much craving for porn.
    I will postpone going on a real diet for a few weeks. My focus needs to be with my PMO issue right now.

    Today I've calmed down a bit and luckily I will be distracted the whole weekend...
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2019
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  17. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    God I feel like shit today, couldn't sleep very long, can't concentrate, no motivation at all, bit of a headache.
    Will most likely stay in bed and watch netflix.
    Have to go take a walk later to visit my sister. Will probably make me feel better but right now I don't want to move :(
     
  18. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Today is much better even if I still feel tired/foggy.
    The porn urges have started to fade plus I'm feeling confident that I will reach every one of my goals.
     
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  19. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Couldn't sleep well, but still feel pretty ok today.
    I was very horny last evening but interestingly it wasn't directed at porn or masturbation. Instead I was craving the real thing and I consider that a substantial step into the right direction.
     
  20. Mescalito

    Mescalito Member

    Had a great climb with my bike yesterday after work. Feels so great to watch my cardio increase from week to week.
    Got a lot of piled up stuff done at work today and it seems I'm over the hill for now regarding pmo. Now it's flatline time which I always really enjoy - and I'm not exaggerating. For me its the best time to start grappling with the next step.

    So I've spontaneously started to work on my dietary goals a bit sooner than planned. Have been switching my eating times to the 16/8 standard intermittent fasting protocol and a bit of kcal deficit.
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2019

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