Ruined my relationship

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Parkin07, Jan 9, 2021.

  1. Parkin07

    Parkin07 New Member

    This is my first time on a site like this.
    I have a porn addiction aswell as a ‘catfishing’ problem.
    I have been using porn/cam sites and catfishing since I was around 17.
    I then met my girlfriend when I was 20 and life was good for a year or 2 until I caved and went back to using porn and speaking to other girls online under false pretences.
    My girlfriend found out and forgave me. I attended sex therapy counselling and believed I was ‘cured’ but we split up around a year later as I had been looking at girls online again.

    2 years later we got back together and I was adamant I would change. However I fell into the cycle yet again but repeatedly denied I was doing anything to my partner.
    I have an issue with compulsively lying and I would regularly tell her that I wasn’t using porn or cam sites as I thought the truth would hurt her too much and I’d lose her as a result.

    We decided to move in together after being in a relationship for 10 years (on&off) and after 7 weeks she found out that I had been using porn/cam sites again and now I feel that the trust is so broken that there is no going back.
    I love her so much and don’t understand why I’m like this. I am trying to get counselling again and I hope I commit to it and it really helps this time.
     
  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Hey, I understand your pain and difficulties.

    It sounds like you may gain motivation to quit only when you get caught or when you've lost something. It's understandable in a certain way, but the true commitment to beat this is to do it for yourself and because you want to be a healthy individual.

    Sometimes people try to get clean only not to loose a partner. And once/if the partner trusts again, we start going back to our habit.

    It's difficult to loose a relationship because of this but this is what happens if we fail to really address the problem. It takes more and more away from us.

    I don't know what will happen with your relationship but you should try to beat this regardless. The fact that it kept coming back in your life means it was not sufficiently addressed and that the recovery was still too superficial. Not saying you didn't try, but that something was still off.

    In my non professional opinion the compulsive lying is linked to the compulsive sexual habit and both need to be addressed.

    Welcome to the forum in case you want to keep posting here and I wish you courage and strength !
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  3. Parkin07

    Parkin07 New Member

    Thanks, I really appreciate your reply.
    A lot of what you’ve said makes complete sense and it has really resonated with me.

    I’m right at the beginning of this long journey but I hope to succeed.

    Thanks again!
     
  4. To me, this is part of addiction. Forgive yourself. Take it one day at a time. Post here and ask for help.

    What helped me during my first 90 day streak:
    Reading lots like yourbrainonporn.com and Gary Wilson's book
    Reading this multiple times: EasyPeasy (easypeasymethod.org)
    Watching youtube videos by Noah Church and Gabe Deem
    Staying off social media and the internet in general
    mediation
    working out
    pushups when I get urges
    writing in a journal
     

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