Have you got filtering on all your devices? That was the main step I think to help me quit looking at porn, at least in the short term. It's good that you're posting honest stuff here.
Visited an escort the other day. This had been brewing after so long no sex, my partner and I just aren't interested in that way in each other anymore, our relationship is almost purely practical and pragmatic, when you live in a city where economics dictates virtually every aspect of life, from what kind of accommodation you can afford to where you can afford to shop that can happen I guess. I know escorts are a big no no on this forum but I was kind of glad, like I scratched an itch that needed to be scratched and now I can just move on with my life. Been on holidays and really enjoying the time away from work, that place is stressful, I guess not many people get to pay the bills by doing something they truly love though. Strangely enough after the escort experience I am less tempted to browse smut on the web as I actually got the real thing, doubt that will last long though. Anyway I know at some point I'll have to deal with my relationship, but right now I'm not going to set fire to anything, I'm on the verge of being able to afford to actually buy my own apartment in this outrageously expensive place and I'll be damned if I throw it all away now after ten years of saving and pure f****g pain and hardship, this is one marathon I have to finish cause God knows I've quit so many others.
We never really move on from these things, unless we're committed to changing our habits. Eventually we end up circling back to the things that keep us oppressed. It isn't our relationships that make us watch P and cheat, it's ourselves.
This is true. actually for me going to an escort was like going back to when I was young, would be lying if I said the bad old days cause they were anything but relative to how things are now, however this is not the answer at this stage in my life and deep down I know it.
Yeah, I know you know it. We all have that inner voice that let's us know that what we're doing is not beneficial to a fruitful life. When I was in the midst of all my cheating I always had that nagging voice telling me to stop. Getting caught, of course, made me stop, but I have no doubt I would have picked it up again if I hadn't found this place. Writing my journal really highlighted the extent to which I had robbed myself of getting to know the more affirmative sides of living.
Well I haven't posted for a long time and haven't really felt the urge to, but if I'm honest I've been a bit careless with this stuff of late and that's not really a good thing. The problem I have with this site is that it's a bit all or nothing, kind of like a military mentality. Anyway I was watching a good documentary about how all this phone tech stuff is affecting our lives and one of the episodes was about cam girls and it was interesting to hear their honest account of what they do, some of these girls make an absolute fortune flashing their vaginas to a webcam and ultimately we are the used. Anyway I've had bigger things on my mind this year with the world teetering on an apocalypse, but yeah, porn is not exactly a positive outlet to life's difficulties, I had a binge session on Friday night with alcohol also playing a part and then the next morning just woke up with no energy and you know the drill. Abstained last night and of course feeling much better today, so the cause and effect is plain as day, hard routine to follow though, that's the problem. Anyway that's all I have to say for now.
