Round and round we go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Haller_79, Aug 7, 2019.

  1. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    This is tiring. I have quit porn at least 2 times. I go back to it because I'm just not satisfied with my love life. I swear to God if I had more money I'd leave my entire life behind right now. I'm angry
     
    occams_razor likes this.
  2. Fish Hawk

    Fish Hawk Well-Known Member

    Well you know the drill well. Welcome aboard. Pmo is no substitute for a sex life. There are many men who can help you along here. Anger is not going to help you.
     
    chopper likes this.
  3. breath

    breath Member

    I know the feeling. I guess porn isn't the root of your problem. Not mine certainly. I think it's probably wise that you are realizing that you are 'angry' and admitting it - THAT it is not a negative action. And yes it sure is tiring - repeating patterns that are leaving us wanting more.
     
  4. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    Thanks man, that was really well said
     
  5. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    I was way too tired tonight and I pmo'd. I was too tired and had the self control of a 16 year old. I should have left the computer off and just stared blankly at the tv, as soon as I turned the damned computer on it was inevitable in this state.
     
  6. breath

    breath Member

    hmm... again I relate to the struggle.. computers for most are just a reality... for myself the only hope against unwanted habits is better habits....
     
  7. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    As expected I watched porn this afternoon and then mo'd in the toilet while my partner is off doing her church thing (I am more or less an atheist, agnostic at best). This is soemthing of a routine for me on Sundays, and not even something I'm trying to fight really. I have done the 90 days before and to be ghonest all I got out of it was a sort of shallow ego boost, after which I thought, now what? aim for a year?
    Anyway things are ok at the moment, could be a lot worse. My anxiety is way down on years gone past, I think becuase I'm getting older and I'm not as poor and desperate as I used to be, and I have now come to terms with the fact I'll probably not realise the dreams I had as a kid, certainly not the ones related to sport or Hollywood anyway. I still hope to find that special 'one', but I feel a lot more relaxed about it than before. There have been a couple of women who I though may have been the one, but it just didn;t turn out as hoped, and I've moved on and all but forgotten about them, their memory not much more than a weakly painful remonder that in life nothing is guaranteed. l will have an attempt at a watercolour painting now, this is something I try to do every Sunday also, abeit a lot more productive and positive than looking at p vids.
     
  8. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    Well I pmo'd again. Rather worryingly I went back to looking at the fetishistic stuff as the vanilla porn wasn't doing it for me. So this pretty much takes me back to square one. I guess I barely even care anymore. I mean I'm not rich enough to get on a plane and leave all this shit behind, I have to work and pay the bills. The other week I told my partner I was more or less no longer interested in a physical relationship with her anymore. I mean, there was never a huge spark there in the first place, but now there's pretty much none at all. Despite that, she still doesn;t seem to want to leave me, I guess I'm too much of a convenience. I suppose convenicnce is a lot better than conflict, but hardly the stuff of wonder or excitement. Life now seems like long periods of minor disspointments, punctuated by the occasional joyous or wondrous moment. It's like we live 80 years for a 1 day highlight reel that's worth writing about. Anyway I will enjoy what's left of my Sunday (my favourite day of the week by far), ciao.
     
  9. nuclpow

    nuclpow Active Member

    You seem to be new at this. I'd like to share what's helped me refrain from porn. Have you got filtering on all your devices? Have you got plenty of other things to do than porn, other activities? Can you work on improving some part of your life? Have you got a life plan?

    I encourage you to keep trying. My life was so bad when I was PMOing every day or so, and now it's full of a lot more possibilities and a future. Maybe a list of downsides to porn, like as shame or uncertainty when talking to women, can help you quit. Keep trying. Don't give up!
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2019
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  10. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Yeah this is good advice. You said you previously did 90 days and thought "now what"? It sounds like maybe you need a deeper sense of purpose. It is frightening and disheartening to be getting older and feeling as if you haven't lived life to your full potential. But your life isn't over, make the most of the time you have. Can you work towards improving yourself financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically? i.e. doing things that will make you feel better and give you a sense of direction.

    How is the painting coming along?
     
  11. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    Thanks for the replies guys, all good points. I agree that making it to 90 days is no substitute for living a life of meaning and purpose, I guess this would apply to any addiction really. Like anyone I have my strengths and weaknesses. I am not especially good with people, I guess that makes porn enticing for me because I don't have to deal with women and the problems and difficulties inherent. I know they say the best way to deal with your issues is to face them head on, but I find work depletes so much of my energies that I'm like a shell outside of it.

    Pretty good man, seen as you were kind enough to ask I have attached one I did fairly recently
     

    Attached Files:

  12. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Nice one, that's a good effort. As someone who recently started dabbling in art (albeit oils, not watercolours) I can appreciate how difficult it is.
     
  13. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    thank you, like learning guitar it's a tall mountain but a mostly enjoyable one.

    Yeah I think that is a realistic target, I will certainly try, I am a bit of an avoidant and I need to work on this as best I can, but in a realistic way, I feel when your goals are not realistic you just get turned off completely. How are things going for you?
     
  14. Haller_79

    Haller_79 Member

    I can understand that. Guess we just have to go easy on ourselves (which for me doesn't come naturally), and accept that things are going to go wrong now and again.
     

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