Rob4Hope -- rebooting (day 5,6,7) getting back on track

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rob4Hope, Nov 13, 2012.

  1. Rob4Hope

    Rob4Hope Guest

    Day 5,6,7

    Doing better. Was able to repair some of the marriage rift. Wife wants to heal as well. We both understand that our problems feed off of each other. She hopes there is a future, and that encourages me as well. Trying to move on and have a sober night.

    Day 4:

    I am writing earlier today as a way to hopefully jumpstart myself to moving forward. Still working with the marriage councilor, and also did something that was a good thing: crawled into bed with wife this morning and held her carefully and safely--NO SEX IMPLIED--and helped her feel safe and loved. For her, being held in a completely no-demanding way is REALLY precious and soothing. She had a horrible day yesterday, and our fight certainly didn't help. It also didn't help that yesterday I emmersed myself in my "drug of choice" to kill the horrible pain of rejection and abandonment I feel when she rejects me.

    In my case, as in many of the cases of those who post here, PMO is not my primary concern,...but is in many ways a symptom that has grown out of other concerns. My marriage is broken. My wife rejects me as a safety measure, and I use as a way to numb down from feeling unwanted. With some serious therapy, have finally been able to accept, from a religious perspective of all things--that sex is good and I am NOT broken for having feelings in the first place. Growing up in a VERY religiously dominated culture has messed with my brain. Rebellion got me into this mess, and now having a damaged marriage adds fuel to the fire.

    Hope to have a better day. It is starting out right.

    Day 3:

    Horrible fight with wife--over sex. Long term marriage problems. I used to medicate the pain of rejection. Marriage is not suppose to be as painful as mine is; and acting out is not suppose to be an answer to numb down the pain. Porn and Masturbation work for numbing,...but they have also robbed me of so much life. I'm not done yet. Will keep posting...

    Day 2:

    The biggest problem I have to deal with is believing I will be able to move outside of the sexual desert. Let me explain: Marriage is a mess--has been for over 20 years, and my addiction is a way to cover the pain of feeling some pretty heavy and serious rejection from my wife. However, we are getting some good therapy and there is hope that things can be better than ever before. I VERY much want to have a happy marriage. One that includes both emotional and physical intimacy--together in all ways. That is the goal (and dream).

    Body is still in shock from so much POM. 5 times a day can REALLY mess you up, and my genitals are in shock to have a single day where they are being allowed to recover a little. So, as far as withdrawl? not much at this point, because I am in shock. However, I am moving through day 2 and holding steady.

    Day 1:

    Hello everyone. I was involved in this site about 4 months ago? Pretty bad false start. However, I have and am making peace with some of my inner deamons and am ready for another go. Here is the gist:
    --> 46 years old.
    --> addicted about 20 years.
    --> HEAVY use of the past 3 months, and am starting to have DE problems.
    --> I believe there is a better life on the other side of this, and I want what that has to offer.

    I will be writing daily and letting everyone know the things I discover and learn along the journey.

  2. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter New Member

    Re: Rob4Hope -- rebooting (day 1)

    I'm new here, so I don't remember your earlier thread. However, the fact that you're coming back for another reboot is a great sign. Just stick with it this time. Even if you relapse, just reboot again and try to keep breaking your personal record of PMO-free days. You can still reach your goal in the end.
  3. Buk

    Buk New Member

    Re: Rob4Hope -- rebooting (day 1)

    Hey Rob - welcome - I've just committed to 30 days to start so we're on a level start pretty much. Good luck to you, from what I've read from the guys on here who've done some longer stints it's well worth throwing all you've got at this. I'm going to try to do the same.
  4. Psi_Com

    Psi_Com New Member

    Re: Rob4Hope -- rebooting (day 1)

    Good luck.
  5. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter New Member

    Re: Rob4Hope -- rebooting (day3) blown

    Don't give up. I'm in a sexless marriage myself, as are a few others on here. Lately, my wife and I have been getting along well, but she gets angry whenever I bring up sex or try to initiate it. I certainly want that to change, but have accepted that I may to live this way a bit.

    Just restart the reboot. Try to break your last record, even if it was just a couple of days, and keep going from there.

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