Ridding my life of porn, starting today. First post.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by cactus342, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. cactus342

    cactus342 New Member

    Hi, I'm a new member to the forum and this is the first forum I've ever been a part of. I'm 24 and have been really struggling with my usage of porn for a while now. I feel like I've always watched too much from a young age, but never considered it to be harmful or enough of problem to do anything about it until recently. About a year and a half ago I started accessing webcam chat sites like chatroullette and omegle, without my partner of 5years being aware. Every time, I feel a sense of disappointment and guilt knowing that I have been keeping this from my partner and also that it is eating away at my life; my self-worth my productivity and motivation to do anything has just plummeted. At the same time it has affected my commitment to my relationship, which my partner has picked up on.
    I told my partner about my porn addiction and the use of chat sites over a month ago and I said I would stop using them, the first few weeks I managed to significantly reduce my usage of all porn content but that has slowly crept back up again. I am seeking therapy from a professional counselor for a number of other reasons too and after a session this week I came to the conclusion that I would have to be completely honest with my partner and tell her the full extent of the addiction. Although it has upset her a lot, she is committing to helping me get past this issue and has helped me to devise a battle plan of how to overcome this. I have installed password protected website blockers and have a list of avoidance tactics and triggers that I can try and avoid. The other tactic we have come up with is to keep a brief daily log of how hard it was to avoid porn each day and also to speak about my progress on this forum.
    So this is the start of my path to ridding my life of porn. I am hoping that as a result, other aspects of my self will improve and as a result I will be able to become a better partner in my relationship.
    I haven't looked much through the forum yet but I would like to hear any more tips and advice about my action plan and I'd like to know how people's lives have improved through cutting out porn usage.
    Thanks
     
  2. Neilk

    Neilk Member

    Great for you man. I found this site back in December and come January I made a promise to myself to quit. The journey has not been easy as ive battled with this addiction for half my life but im making strides and in my mid 50 days mark. Im 34 and suffer from PIED and PE. I want my sex life back im to young. I just have fought daily to keep myself busy and fight through the urges. I find my triggers have been when Im stressed out. I just want to escape instead of face the fight. I have noticed stronger erections in the mornings and longer lasting sex and more pleasurable. There are days when the fight is to much and i just shut down all day. Lose motivation to get stuff done. Then there are days where im a powerhouse and clear headed and shit gets done. Its been a real struggle with coping with the winter blues and ontop of it being a stay at home dad , which is a big adjustment on both parts. Im always used to working and doing things on my own and getting stuff done. I was thrown into this role when i lost my job a year ago through no fault of my own company went bankrupt days after i closed on my house with a 1 year old and a wife that stayed at home that first year. Talk about a huge stressor. Keep your head up know your reasons and take 1 day at a time.
     
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  3. cactus342

    cactus342 New Member

    So it's been 9 days since I stopped watching all forms of porn. After reading more people's stories I decided that I would also refrain from masturbating completely. It seems that not doing so would just make the jump from that to watching porn too easy to do. I've been trying to keep myself busy with things all week and force myself to get out of the house every day and spend as little time as possible alone at home. So far I'd say it's worked well and I haven't given in to any urges. I am feeling quite irritable though at various times in the day - is this related to the no PM?
    I'm also wondering what other people do who are in a relationship. Does having sex with a regular partner have any effect on the "rewiring" process?
    I've started to read the YourBrainOnPorn.com article (.../start-here-evolution-has-not-prepared-your-brain-for-todays-porn) about the science behind porn addiction and whilst I haven't read it all yet I felt like I can understand the situation I'm in a bit more, particularly when I ask myself why I kept watching porn and accessing webcam sites when I knew the damage it was causing.
    One thing I think I'm lacking is a distraction tool or activity that will provide a sort of instant gratification to replace what I'm seeking when I watch porn or masturbate. Currently I'm just sort of just avoiding doing both but I think this is leading to the irritability. Does anyone have any activity that they do that helps? I was thinking things like going for a run or other exercise but I've never really been motivated with fitness and in my head that requires a lot of effort and energy and doesn't seem to me like an instant relief type of thing! Any suggestions?
     
  4. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Hey Cactus. I'm guessing you're a bit younger than me, and at your age I had absolutely no interest in running either.

    Having said that, now that I'm much older and possibly a fraction wiser, I don't know of anything that helps my mood better than running. It gets you out of the house, frees up your mind to actually just unwind and stop worrying about stuff, improves your self-esteem and a whole bunch of other good stuff. In fact actual physical fitness isn't really a motivator for me either! I'm sure there must be other things that would help as well - I'm sure you'll get other suggestions - but I'd recommend at least giving it a try.

    If you do, just a tiny bit of advice that helped me: don't fixate on getting the right kit - basic running shoes will do for now. Whatever you do, start slow (if it feels too slow, it's probably right!) and finally don't worry about distance, just set a time (20-30min is probably about right) and remember that walking is NOT failure. In fact... using a 'couch-to-5k' app (which will give you a mix of walking and running) is probably the best idea..

    Whatever you do, keep going with your recovery - and keep coming back here (I've learnt that the hard way.)
     
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  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    I wouldn't worry about that if i were you. Some people found that it's helping their progress if they go without any sexual stimulation for a period of time. But if you can have sex (so I'm guessing you don't have PIED) than it should be fine. Spending time with your girlfriend and being sexual with her is very important in the rewiring process.

    By the way: Good job on telling her. It takes some courage to do that.
     

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