Day 7 of a rewire, after looking at yourbrainonporn.com and no fap and being actively involved in an SAA meeting at least once a week. All the way from South Africa My porn journey started by coming across dirty mags somewhere around 12. It remained a fascination, but it was always printed stuff. Growing up in a religious household, sex was for marriage and not really discussed. I was always a little unsure of myself, looking up to older boys early in puberty and comparing myself to them in the normal way, but especially penis size. I am normal in that department, but the brain can do funny things. I learnt to avoid difficult emotions through avoidance and so my first physical sexual experience was late 20's with a girl. I dated a few girls in my 30s, Spoiler with mostly oral sex and feelings of guilt to go all the way. I always looked at porn, which escalated to gay porn and my tastes definitely evolved. So much so, that after a failed relationship - I decided to get onto Grindr and get easy anonymous sex with men. That escalated and made me miserable - from a conservative, goody two shows to someone who has had sex with over 50 men mostly 2-3 years ago - I felt absolutely desperate. The sex was never emotionally attached. And very easy. I have never felt predominantly gay, and definitely not exclusively. So here I am, taking a complete break from PMO and looking on with interest to see how my tastes rewire. I would love to settle down with a woman and have kids, and time is running out. If porn is crack cocaine, the hookup apps is something like heroin I suppose. On day 7 and feeling great. The suggestion not to touch my junk at all has really helped.