Rewiring My Brain

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by DCGuy, Apr 2, 2012.

  1. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    I'm 24, and I'm no stranger to ED, which I'd always chalked it up to performance anxiety. Then six weeks ago, I came across Your Brain On Porn, and it made a lot of sense to me. I've been porn-free since then, although I did have one relapse when I watched a sleazy movie on Netflix since I knew it would have nudity (I didn't masturbate). Unfortunately, I didn't read the site closely enough, and I continued to masturbate without porn on a pretty much daily basis, something I now know is a bad idea. I can only obtain an erection for a few seconds, and only through fantasizing, sometimes about regular women, and sometimes about women from porn. On the plus-side, I've started getting morning wood several times a week.

    I'm terrified about going completely PMO-free. Would it help if I reduce my masturbation schedule to twice a week or so, or do I need to completely cold turkey? I don't think I've gone more than a few days without masturbating since I was 13, but I'm willing to try it if that's what it takes.
     
  2. ssk08

    ssk08 Pointman

    My theory: Each time I masturbated, I lost 1 % of my masculinity. That's a loss when it reaches 10 years...

    I will never PM again, after what I experienced because of my four month-celibacy. (See my journal)
     
  3. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    No P- Day 44; No MO- Day 3

    The first two days were easy, but today is much harder. You see, while I'm trying to eliminate porn from my life and deal with my ED problem, I've also thrown myself into the world of online dating in an effort to end the girlfriend-less existence that has been my adult life (minus one relationship in college). I've been doing online dating for several months now, but ever since I stopped using porn, I've been approaching online dating with a manic energy that reminds me of my job search after graduating from college. Only now, instead of applying to jobs so often I'd occasionally forget where I was applying to, I feel as though a day is wasted unless I send out multiple "Hi, I'm interesting" messages to potential lady friends. Unfortunately, I had a lot more confidence in my professional abilities than I do in my romantic prowess.

    Anyway, today is tougher because this girl who I had a coffee date with on Sunday hasn't responded to my "how's it going text" from this morning. It's very, very tempting to relieve some of the stress with a quick MO, but I'm going to try like hell to resist.
     
  4. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    No P- Day 48; No MO- Day 6

    My streak of not masturbating lasted until this past Saturday. I tried like hell to resist, but eventually gave in. I'm still porn-free, though I've certainly skated around the edges. I found myself yesterday reading porn stars' Wikipedia pages, which I'm going to try to avoid in the future.

    I'm trying to make major changes in my life, and the only way I know to motivate myself is through fear and self-loathing. I can prevent myself from looking at porn and masturbating by telling myself what an awful person I am for wanting to, and the self-loathing can even motivate me to be pro-active: exercise, see a dermatologist, etc. I'm sure any therapist would tell me this is a terrible idea, and I don't doubt that things could go very wrong. The last few days I've been irritable and quick-tempered, and I'm a little worried I might lash out at someone who doesn't deserve it. But I know from experience that positive reinforcement and aphorisms and all other kinds of self-help guides don't work for me.
     
  5. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    No P- Day 51; No MO- Day 5

    Correction from the last entry: it should have been "No MO- Day 2"

    I'm definitely dialing back the self-hatred. It made me incredibly angry and mean (I know, shocker, I should win a Nobel for this conclusion), and I just couldn't stand to keep doing it. I also found plenty of research that says self-hatred is a poor motivational tool.

    I'm finding it easier to go without masturbating than I did last week, but it's still pretty tough. I've been successful thus far in avoiding porn-esque material, though I did watch a Kate Upton video yesterday.

    On the dating front, I had been messaging back and forth with this girl, when she abruptly stopped responding. Naturally, I'm obsessing over what exactly I said or did wrong. The answer is most likely "You didn't do anything wrong, this kind of thing just happens" but I just can't get over the feeling that I'm always doing something wrong when it comes to dating.
     
  6. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Day 5 of no MO?

    Nice.

    You're fast.

    I have a feeling you will be one of the first members of this forum to complete a whole reboot.

    Keep going!
     
  7. RecoverED

    RecoverED Guest

    Rough feeling but all part of the game. I've noticed that the longer I go into my reboot the less I care about things texting. I used to be so paranoid about texting girls because I thought that they would somehow sense that I was a PMO junkie and would come off as a creep. Either way, these things work out the way they are supposed to.
     
  8. fullset

    fullset Member

    My 2 cents - instead of self loathing approach, focus on how good life is without it. Now with no pmo, I'm able to notice shy smiles women sometimes give me. It might be related to rebooters saying that you attract women. I'm not aware if it happened before my no pmo routine, and even if it did, it doesn't matter since I didn't notice. I'm not sure if this makes sense. I think I love my personality on no pmo more than getting a quick fix through porn.
     
  9. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    No P- Day 3; No Mo- Day 3

    Thanks to everyone for the feedback, but as you can see from the number above, I had a relapse the night of my last post. It came about when I couldn't get a porn scene I remembered from a while back out of my head. I googled the scene and found a clip of it on a site I hadn't blocked. At first I was terrified that I'd erased all the progress I made, but I read on YBOP that relapses are fairly common. On the bright side, I haven't had a chaser effect in the few days since.
     
  10. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    No P- Day 6; No MO- Day 2

    Had another porn relapse last Saturday night. I came home drunk and pissed off for a number of reasons and found myself watching porn without much resistance from my rational side. I was angry with myself the next morning, but again, no chaser effect. I think my erections are getting stronger, and I'm slowly but surely making progress on this front.

    My efforts to get better with women are, unfortunately, worse than ever. In the past week, there have been three women with whom I was corresponding on OKCupid who stopped responding to my messages. I mean, what the fuck? Am I saying something wrong when I ask them about their job or favorite tv shows or hobbies or whatever? One of them was sending me these long messages that she clearly put some time and thought into. And then...nothing. I feel like there's a conspiracy against me and females the world over are having a good laugh at my expense.

    I'd like to get better and more confident with women, but I'm not sure how to going about it. I really don't want to go the pick-up artist route.
     
  11. kd

    kd New Member

    Dude, not to knock you, but this isn't the best way to motivate yourself. I know, it feels like the right way, and I've done it for about . . . hmm, all of my life except for the past few months. I've actually learned from books about beating habits and addiction, and what helps willpower. Talk to yourself like you'd talk to a friend or a great teacher would talk to a good student that made a mistake.

    If you made a mistake at work, and your boss told you how much you sucked and what a waste of life you are, how motivated would you be to do excellent work?


    And I'm no Don Juan but I think internet dating isn't nearly as difficult as real life dating. I think it's quite easy in comparison to get a girl online. But since I'm a porn/sex addict, I'm only trying to approach and date girls I meet in real life. Don't want to associate the internet with sexual pleasure unless I'm free of this compulsion.

    But just ask her out by the 3rd reply. The first is the introduction, the second you show some personality, the third you go out. Don't worry about asking her about her favorite movies, hobbies or any of that shit. That's fluffer talk for filling in silences in person. I don't know why, but this method has worked for me.
     
  12. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    In my post on April 12, I mentioned that I realized self-loathing was a bad idea after a few days of being perpetually angry. I've been pretty good since then about staying at least relatively positive, although on Tuesday I was down on myself and took it out on a friend over a minor issue. Fortunately, he didn't seem that offended, and I apologized.
     
  13. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Hey man. I'm at about 5 weeks almost of no pmo. Just keep going. Get through the first two weeks and you'll have a lot more willpower built up.

    Regarding Internet dating. That's the paradox of Internet dating for you. It isn't as easy from the perspective of success rate. It's just easier to reach out to more girls with absolutely minimal risk. You type some words and don't risk rejection face to face.

    For one. Most of these girls get hundreds, literally hundreds of messages. She can't meet everyone.

    Second. She could easily get frustrated with it because of creepy messages, a bad date, etc. point is, you just don't know the reason so you can't take it personally.

    Thirdly, use internet dating to get practice going on dates. Meeting girls in real life is where the gold really happens. Those are the dates you'd prefer not to mess up because the attraction is already built up to a degree once you've met them in person. Online, you haven't built that up yet. The date, is merely meant to screen. So if you just use it for practice, you won't get worked up.

    Lastly, I truly believe a lot of these girls are using online to validate themselves. What better ego boost is there than for a girl than to get hundreds of messages from guys. It's dangerous bc the serial Internet daters are of poor quality. If they weren't, they'd have no problem meeting guys in the real world. But a lot of them don't, so they turn to Internet dating to boost their esteem artificially high. Which then gives them an entitlement exaggeration when they are out in the real world. 6's think they are 10s. 5's think they are 9's, etc.

    Believe me. I've been on lots of online dates. They were all disasters. Sure I got laid a few times but I've never met a girl that blew me away. I'm considered a good looking guy, which should make online dating easy but it's not. It's also more frustrating than real life dating bc you have no feel for what the person is like. So don't take it personally at all. If anything, I'd say it's a good thing if you struggle online. It will push you to rely on the real world, all the while gaining a little experience dating some girls through online dating for practice. Keep expectations extremely low.
     
  14. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    To add to that I went on a date with a born and bred Londoner the other night (I moved here from Canada a year ago). I know these girls are weird (from my perspective). They just don't seem to have a sense of humour and take themselves too seriously.

    However, how am I supposed to know this online? We went on the date and let e tell you, this girl had me hating the sound of my voice. As soon as I realised she didn't get my jokes and took my teasing seriously the conversation went boring. I paid for drinks and wasted 2 hours of my night to sit with this doorknob of a woman.

    Had I met her at a bar or coffee shop I would've known right away if she was worth that kind of time or not. Like I said, use it for your own development and that alone. Don't give a shit about the kind of girl you meet because you may end up forcing something to work that will have you waking up weeks later realising you aren't attracted to her at all.
     
  15. kd

    kd New Member


    Agreed. 100%. I've gone out on a lot of internet dates. Admittedly, I was never looking for more than sex, but even then I've found women I didn't even want to do that with because they were so horrible. And, seriously, some of these women were 5's in their photos only, less in real life, and still thought they were 8s or more. Lots of responses make her believe she is highly desirable.

    The internet can really mess up the brain. We should know.
     
  16. DCGuy

    DCGuy New Member

    No PMO- Day 1

    It's been a while since I updated this. The past few weeks have been mixed. On the plus side, I hooked up with a friend of a friend, and, while we didn't have sex, I didn't have any problems getting an erection while fooling around or even dancing at the bar. The bad news: I decided I could go back to one PMO session a week. Unfortunately, I've gradually escalated my porn use, and I've had three PMOs since last Friday. I think it's time to go back to a no-porn diet entirely, but I don't know if I have the willpower. I was able to cut myself off porn for over 50 days, but it required the huge shock of finding YBOP. Since then, the urgency of the need to stop using porn has kind of worn off, and my brain tells me that it's okay to use it once or twice, even though I know I shouldn't.
     
  17. staysweet

    staysweet New Member

    Dude, I'm tellin ya. Porn keeps dragging you in more and more over time. I've told myself millions of times that I can control it, but it is uncontrollable. You can get away from it though. Don't give up! Just try to realize how good life would without that damaging stuff. You're beating yourself up by using it. Do whatever you gotta do to stay away from it.
     
  18. Binderdonedat

    Binderdonedat New Member

    This is a longer process than alot of us care to admit, really, isn't it. Might as well make some friends here and stick around!
     

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