Rewiring by Vipassana

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by RusselZausel, Dec 17, 2015.

  1. RusselZausel

    RusselZausel New Member

    Hello i am still working at it.

    Doing another reboot now. >2.5y into this program.

    Had about 6 months period where i was fapping a lot and smoking lots of weed.

    I am sorry i stopped updating but i guess there was not much to write home about until i started rebooting again.

    OCD fully manageable and non-manifesting nowadays and so is craving for sensuality in general. I do not use that term anymore tho, i do not think it is a useful term.

    Why i decided to update is because it has been super easy to abstain this time on hardmode and i have not have had cravings for porn or masturbation at all that i can recall. I've lusted for a woman a couple weeks ago for like a couple minutes and had two sexual dreams which caused emission but that is pretty much it. I am 21 days in and i will be extending on a month to month basis. Also i am off sensuality completely more or less.

    I have A LOT of info and i want to start helping others but i think i will be doing this for a long time and i am not sure how to approach it. I am going mgtow angel mode pretty much it seems, somehow unvoluntarily because i do not consider it realistic for me to have sex again at this point. Although i am most capable i have sort of grown most disenchanted with the whole thing.

    As far as preferances and tastes they are still the same but the obsessive tastes that i developed later are kind of mixed with all vanilla preferences and the obsessive factor is hardly noticeable if at all, so it is kind of all merged and the is no shame or guilt assosciated with any of it in particular.

    However i am not done, there is more to be won but i am not entirely sure how events will unfold, i guess i could relapse but i will try and go one day at a time until i make it impressive.
    At that point i think i should write a comperhensive work on the subject.

    I have been posting quite a lot on other forums but this is where i started so i would like to give back here because i know how dark it gets around here. I dont want any feedback atm because it is just 3 weeks yknow but i will keep updating more frequently and will answer some questions, some i will save for later.

    Also suggestions in general are welcome.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2018
  2. RusselZausel

    RusselZausel New Member

    Another update. I am most happy to report that i consider myself to have rewired beyond what i could have hoped for an i am more or less as i was before i developed the behaviors and inclinations that i considered problematic.

    It is still possible that i might get the occasionnal idea of engaging in what was once considered compulsive behavior but i engaging in it seems absurd at this point so these ideas are just get removed after consideration and are thus not problematic.

    What regards pron preferances i have become disenchanted with the particular "fetishes" as well as porn in particular. Pratically speaking i have done several "hardmode nofap reboots" of one, two, three, four, five and six weeks and i learned how to do them effortlesssly. The fetish porn i used to obsess about i dont have any particular interest in anymore and have thus become disenchanted.

    I have also given up other addictions and improved my life beyond what i thought to be possible because the skillset i developed in the process of overcoming the darkness was applicable to behavior and life in general rather than a subset of it called sexuality.

    I've also gotten over my exgf as in i don't hate or blame her anymore, this was a big change and something that was important to me.

    Other than that i see that there is more to straighten out and i want to either pursue formal ordination into monasticism or just keep doing it on my own. Either way i would like to take this goof training to it's culmination and think i will end up dying as a monk or a monk-like person.
     

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