REPROGRAMMING MY LIFE , BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Keep_Moving_Forward, Jul 21, 2017.

  1. Keep_Moving_Forward

    Keep_Moving_Forward New Member

    23 year old here ,
    The times i have failed in life , I would need a whole essay to write about that , but i can assure you
    that the main reason why those failures were created was because porn.

    I started watching internet porn at the age 12 , i remember the feeling of such euphoria when i saw a simple video of naked women undressing on the screen , and thought about that image and video all that week .

    Well 2 years later i finally had my first orgasm , the feeling was probably the greatest feeling of my life .
    I remember getting handjobs from girls in catholic school at age 13 , and would get rock hard when the girls would sit next to me , the feeling was incredible , but the feeling of PMO at age 14 was greater .

    Ever since then i would say i jerked off over twice a day to internet porn since the age of 14 , almost 10 years of PMO. I would say about over 10,000 hours of internet porn in those 10 years .

    that is a tremendous amount of porn for a brain to overcome , but i will show you with this journal that i will be healed and have a regular sex life.

    i have had several girlfriends and lost virginity at 19 , but that first time i had sex , i was already 5 years in PMO , my penis didnt get hard with a naked women in front me even if you put a gun to my head , nothing ,
    she gave me oral , nothing
    i put my penis inside her , nothing
    she got on top me and literally cried and screamed at me "wtf , am i not good enough for you? or are you even into women?

    Probably one of the worst days of my life. That was definitely a turning point , we broke up some months later , i was depressed and became even more addicted to internet porn , i started PMO almost 5 times a day and would PMO in university or any public bathroom to get my fix .

    It affected my anxiety, depression , not having any goals in life , my grades fell , combination between a bad break up and porn addiction led to a whole year 2014- 2015 of pmo probably 20 times a week , failing most of my classes , not having any friends at all , the worst year of my life.

    but i overcame and MOVED FORWARD, 2 years later , i probably have been pmo twice a day , sometimes 3 .
    I have recently stopped all this , deleted all my social media apps , no longer internet porn was doing it for me , i was pmo to social media apps , and among other things .

    i am 4 Days in
    have felt some urges , but not to much , i feel like the urges will come , my brain and body are so programmed already to my old schedule of pmo , my hand sometimes out of instinct is on my penis , i plan not to pmo or even mo ever again .
    i will only achieve orgasm with a women , i think at this moment MO is to risky to be doing .
    There really is not a reason to MO , be a fucking MAN and dont look for loopholes
    thank you for reading ,
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2017
  2. Keep_Moving_Forward

    Keep_Moving_Forward New Member

    Day 5
    pmo 0
    mo 0

    Had a business trip to northern California

    Left around 5 am and got home around 8 pm



    I notice when I’m with others or I’m outside the house I never really feel urges, haven’t been feeling urges much at all. I’m sure the urges will come in the coming weeks, my body and brain is in such such shock of 10 years of daily multiple PMOs that those urges will come, and I will face them head on.



    Last night I notice when I was using my laptop, I notice some small urges, I notice that my brain was ready to look up pictures and videos, but I turned off my laptop, plugged in my headphones to my phone and listened to a podcast of Joko Willink (not sure if that’s how you spell his name).



    Changing my habits of being indoors and on the computer seems to be key, being around people, working, making money , being goal oriented , working out , all seem to be great ways to fight urges and not feel urges .



    I might go out with a real cute girl tomorrow, perfect face and body , definitely not looking for sex , I’m very far away of even thinking getting a full erection during sex , will not even attempt sex until 30 days. Yeah I now i sound gay for saying that , but trust me , last time I had sex my erection was non existent , nothing she would do would make my piece hard.



    Thank you for reading.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2017
  3. Keep_Moving_Forward

    Keep_Moving_Forward New Member

    day 6
    pmo 0
    mo 0

    This is a pretty big day for me today is the longest i havent pmo or mo since i first started PMO and MO , in 2007 .
    the last time i went 6 days was 3 years ago , when i had sex with an ex girlfriend and couldnt get hard , did alot of research that night and ended up on this website. unfortunately i only went 6 days then .

    now im in the same boat but this time im more mature and more of a man.
    Im planning to go 30 days and then try to have sex with a girl .

    urges were felt today , i felt them when i was alone with a computer in my house ,
    finding activities and JUST SHOWING UP , to things whether you feel like it or not is very important
    stay occupied with things , don't be a bitch , be a man , have a job and hobbies .
    that seems to be my formula and its working . one day a time , but with a goal ahead .

    thanks for reading
    move forward
     
  4. Keep_Moving_Forward

    Keep_Moving_Forward New Member

    day 7
    pmo 0
    mo 0

    Today was another successful day , again left the house around 8 am and got back around 1 pm
    and spend it outside in a cookout , drank couple beers , ate some steaks , all and all a good day
    no urges what so ever , not even thinking about pmo or even mo .

    I understand im not even 1 percent of being cured and should fight this disease everyday
    but again , being and acting like a MAN , and not being in a dark room all locked up from the real world is one of the best methods to fight it .

    Be outside with people , if not go work out , for a run , park , mall , concert... etc.... work on yourself mentally and physically .
    i really think my pmo addiction is one of the worst i have read in this forum or even heard about , and its working for me !
     
  5. Keep_Moving_Forward

    Keep_Moving_Forward New Member

    day 8
    pmo 0
    mo 0

    Today was another solid day , experienced a hard on in school today because i was talking and flirting with someone , not something i think i should be to proud of
    but definitely something i havent experienced in a very long time . 8 days with out mo or pmo is huge for me , again never not done it for this long since i started doing it 10 years ago.

    I am kinda proud i have made it this far , but still have a long way to go , goal is to go 30 days and attempt sex with a girl .
    thanks
     
  6. Keep_Moving_Forward

    Keep_Moving_Forward New Member

    day 10
    pmo 0
    mo 0

    same idea as the last days , as long as i am outside and with other people doing activities of any kind, i dont have urges and forget PMO all together ,
    stressful situations . like college and test definitely sometimes can give me urges , specially cause i do most of my studying in the computer
    i start college in late august , i feel like i will not have any trouble relapsing until late august ,
    thats when the real test start
    as for now , im getting shit done , gym , work , etc
    stop with the video games , stop with the tv and cartoons

    be a man , go outside and do shit . make money , work , meet people etc you get the point .
     

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