Replacing Old Addictions with New Ones

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by stinkerdinker25, May 12, 2019.

  1. stinkerdinker25

    stinkerdinker25 New Member

    Day 35
    Writing this post is the second productive thing I've done all day. I worked out in the morning, I had a cold shower, and went right back to old habits, not porn, just youtube. I was going to try an internet purge but I've been having trouble getting up the nerve to end it all. It's just too much of an accessible crutch. I haven't used my creativity to amuse myself in a long long time. I just use cyberspace to numb my brain into comlicity with my laziness. The old willpower rule of rewarding yourself with nonsense after doing one noble thing. I had a good Yoga workout this morning, it was really enjoyable, I was doing some bioenergetic work and releasing a lot of tension built up in my body over the last thirty five days.

    But after that, it was back to internet coping mechanisms. I'm starving for structure in my life. I have a reboot regimen that I've downloaded but have yet to start working with it consciously, I've only just finished the introduction. I need to start implementing it asap. Urges were alright today. I did some sexual kung fu work, circling sexual energy through my body, I'm getting better at it, especially after the bioenergetic yoga. But that is the only bright side to a completely uneventful day. It is clear, I use the internet as a drug. If I'm not on porn sites, which I haven't been for the past month and a chunk, then I'm replacing that with binge watching Youtube videos, it's the same old story.

    If there's anyone out there who has gone through similar things in their reboot and worked to overcome them, I'd be happy to accept some tips. The main problem is that I know exactly what to do to stop the problem. I have to limit my internet use to this site and my blog site once a week. That's it. No Youtube, definitely no Facebook, no Instagram. Just need time to adjust to my elevating energy levels and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm scared of my newfound energy and I seek to shut it down every chance I get.

    I'm afraid of progress, afraid of change. I seem to have an emotional connection to my old broken self. That shell of a character that needs to be burned off if I am ever to amount to anything other than a complete waste of talent. I've worked so very softly, so very minimally. I've only done the bare minimum of things required to survive.
    I can make excuses and say it's my situation, which would be a logical argument to make, even though it avoids responsibility. I live with my Aunt and Uncle right now, I will soon be moving into my own place. I have been a poor tenant. I haven't kept my room clean, I've left laundry on the floor, writing materials all over my desk, it's just a mess. I miss out on getting the most basic shit sorted out, all because of this damned addiction to the internet and all its vices.
    Distraction is my drug, I need my brain to constantly be hopping to the next thing to stimulate me, and without porn I've realized just how shallow such a pursuit is. I've been watching great content on Youtube. Truly inspirational people with interesting ideas. But I digest information like an obese food addict at a Chinese buffet, just scarfing down every morsel without stopping to taste what I'm eating.

    It's disgusting, if I ate the way I consume information I would be three times wider than I am tall. It needs to stop, I need to retune the instrument of my mind and focus on the things that matter to me, the things I need to do, start with the reboot regimen and work from there. I will write out a schedule this night and refer to it in the morning.
    Tata for now,
    that is all,


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