Hello all, PMO has been an integral part of my life for the past 14 years of a total of 24. I was at the time stressed over the switch to middle school, my parents' divorce, and the mid-life-crisis stepmom my dad picked up. Everybody was eager as all-get-out at the time to let me know how healthy MO is, and perhaps it is, but I allowed that to validate my no-doubt unhealthy approach towards the subject, something that occurred each night leading to multiple times a night. The story of how PMO entered my life is nothing of particular mention; I'm sure very standard. What I never attributed to PMO but have experienced through my years is depression, occasional panic attacks, obsessive thoughts of suicide, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of immaturity, was diagnosed with ADD, and I'm sure the list goes on. My PMO acted as a sort of gateway drug, and I experimented with everything I could get my hands on, which got me kicked out of college after negligence towards my own self preservation. Of course my reward circuitry's one true love was and has always been PMO, and I eventually stopped drugs and alcohol of my own accord. Four years later, caught up in a job that I work online from home and experiencing a social anxiety worse than I ever thought imaginable--inability to look people in the eyes, my smile and laugh never, never legitimate, always forced, breathing issues, and other signs of anxiety--I had to accept that there was something that I had not yet discovered as the underlying cause. Even after one-on-one counseling with a professional, I was dumbstruck over why I was so disfunctional. Lo and behold! I happened upon yourbrainonporn.com, and after a few pages, it was clear what is wrong. I am flabbergasted that social anxiety and depression could be caused by PMO. And it never occured to me that all of the failed personal and impersonal relationships I have had recently could be attributed to it either. Quite frankly, my life right now is a God-damned mess. I don't want to be ashamed of myself or disgusted by myself. I want to be proud of myself. I want to be free of this damaging vice. I start this journal on day six of my new life. Thanks for reading.