RELAPSED after 2+ years of no PM, help and info welcome about NO A method

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Anewlife, Oct 5, 2015.

  1. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Hey all,

    I am back on this forum because i have relapsed into P 2 weeks ago.. Didnt saw it coming and tought one little peek couldnt hurt.

    Well i can tell you it can.

    Ive been as good as clean for over 2 years now.. Have had an girlfriend ever since. after the relapse my interest in sex with her is completely gone and i dont feel as attracted to her as i have been. Also i started smoking again and lacking to stick to my diet,

    I also feel the need to eyeball every women i see on the street, thats why i came across the no A method described by bigbookofpenis on this forum.

    I have a question related to the no Arousal method. I relapsed in P with no O 2 week ago after 2+years of no PM. funny thing was i didnt even get an erection while watching P anymore after 2 years.

    I am trying this no arousal method and notice that i feel really down on it, can be the comedown of the relapse? no interest to do things whatsoever, not motivated to work, started smoking again and also not attracted to my girlfriend. Also not looking at girls in the gym where i train everyday is very very hard, it now becomes clear that i check out every girl that walks in and keep on looking for new girls, cant be natural?

    Would real sex with my GF be counterproductive during this whole no A thing? Or is it benificial to reboot again? I can get erections etc.

    Any help and tips welcome!

    Thanks in advance

    Anewlife
     
  2. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Oh its almost 3 years i see in my counter

    :-\
     
  3. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Just move on and forget about it. Keep having sex. 1 relapse after so long wont do shit unless you let it.
     
  4. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    I think you are just disappointed with yourself.

    I think what you describe was a slip rather than a full relapse. Just take it as a warning.
     
  5. Loleekins

    Loleekins Nemo repente fuit turpissimus

    Why would you think "One little peek couldn't hurt"? This is like a crackhead saying "just one more rock, it'll be cool". What made you want to do this after so long clean? What was the cause? Figuring out what lead to this might go a long way in stopping it in the future.
     
  6. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Thank you for the reply Loleekins, i didnt know what came on me that day. I think i am just dissapointed in my current relationship and seeking for "more" or something else...

    I dont know why, i saw this girl at my gym and that moment did lead to fantasising and one led to another.. thats another reason why i am giving this No A method a try.

    This far, it gives me a kind of inner peace that i dont have to check out every girl that i see in the streets, at the gym, at work etc etc.

    Also, it seems like my dopamine levels are quite low at the moment. any tips to elevate them? Tought about starting smoking again until the symptoms subside..

    Thanks and keep on tucking
     
  7. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Wanted to say that i feel super super low and depressed on this no A method.

    Feel like all the pleasure is gone in my life, its really confrontational how my mind is addicted to seeing/oogling all kinds of women.

    hope to feel better soon.
     
  8. RoryMac

    RoryMac Guest

    First off, starting smoking again to get dopamine is very stupid. Please don't give an addiction a go that you managed to leave behind.

    Also, what is this No Arousal Method. Could you link me to some information? Kind regards.
     
  9. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Hello rorymac,

    Thank you for your reply, you are completely right, trading one addiction for another doesnt solve anything..

    sadly i relapsed to nicotine 2 hours ago... i was crying at work, couldnt handle the way i felt anymore and gave in..

    feel much better now (sadly enough)

    in the link below you can read everything about the NO A method described by bigbookofpenis.

    In a few words, you dont think about anything sexual and look away from al sexual clues such as pictures in the streets, women in the streets and in the gym, tv commercials & other clues..

    Not looking at girls in the gym is an huge problem for me, at least it seems to be, i tried it and couldnt stand the temptation over and over again..

    now i am going strong and havent looked for quite some time, about a week now.

    For more information visit the link below..

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=14525.0

    if you have any questions feel free to ask
     
  10. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    I'm a great believer in the no arousal method, so I'm going to sound a bit defensive here. . . but I don't think it's no arousal causing you to feel low and depressed.

    I think you felt bad before you had your slip - it's what caused you to think, at some level, that a look at porn would give you a buzz. (And it made you feel worse.)

    Only you can figure out what is causing you to feel this way - do you feel trapped in your relationship? Has it gone stale and uninteresting? Are you getting frightened of getting married and being committed? Are you frightened of losing her? Or is it issues at work?

    I know I sound like a stuck record on this, but I think fear drives porn use and other self-destructive behaviours. Well, it certainly was for me - the first half of the battle was to admit my fears, and the next step was to build positive habits into my life as in The Slight Edge.

    Apologies if this sounds critical or superior or anything - I've been where you are, and have to work hard at not being there again. By the way, I practice no arousal, but I do allow myself to recognize beauty when I see it. Otherwise you start to resent the whole thing and get a sneaky letch in every so often.
     
  11. Loleekins

    Loleekins Nemo repente fuit turpissimus

    Ah, I see. This is what Newnes calls "Living life through the porn lens". That's a very accurate description for it. You still see women as sex objects. Not that there is anything wrong with viewing your woman as a sexual outlet. I believe in healthy partner sex, there is a certain amount of objectification. That objectification is tempered with love and/or care however. Something you can't give to a random girl at the gym or on the street. When you objectify a random woman and it is not tempered with love and/or care, it's merely disrespectful to her, and to the man she is probably with.

    I had a friend that had trouble with this. Imagining every woman as a sexual outlet. What helped for him is the understanding that he would absolutely hate for other men to do this to his woman, his mother, his sister, etc. and how that would feel for the women in his life to be subjected to this. This understanding of how it would feel for him to have the women in his life viewed this way by random men disturbed him to the core, and was the catalyst for him changing how he saw women everyday.

    Nope, you sure don't have to. And like Wabi said, there is a difference between appreciating beauty and objectifying. :)
     
  12. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    It took me such a long time to learn what Lolekins said. Now, that I have removed the porn lens from my mind, I can truly appreciate a girl's femininity. It is kinda cute to me. I feel a magnetic impulse to meet her genuinely.

    And, NewLife, you gave up on your relationship in ur head. Then the prospect of meeting new women scared you. Internally you are still afraid to just go up to a girl and talk to her. And, in that moment of weakness all of your previous doors that would normally lead to pmo opened. In other words, you have not fixed what caused you to pmo in the first place. You simply moved on for the last 3 years.

    What you will need to fix yourself is as follows, 1.) Confidence 2.) Self esteem. You can get those by accomplishing as much as you can and truly living an honest uninhibited lifestyle.

    Lastly, if you do not want to meet new girls and stick with the current one. You have to improve in your romance power. In my pursuits to getting over my own addiction, I have discovered that a man with strong romantic qualities tend to find new ways to keep the relationship from failing. But, it is the man's responsibility to make this happen. Perhaps, that is the "something else" you desire. Also, if you do try doing something nice and her response is ambivalent or not up to par with your expectations. Than that is a clear sign to move on before she does behind your back. Speaking from personal experience.
     
  13. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Thank you all for your reactions, do you have any tips for me how to inprove confidence and self esteem?

    Also, for the other readers who did or are doing the No Arousal Method, would real sex with my girlfriend about every other day be a problem? It seems i get a buzz from that too and afterwards i feel relaxed, but the day after i feel down and sluggish.

    Sex is always without O by the way. Would it be better to do it with O to relieve some tension perhaps?

    Hope to hear your insights.

    Anewlife
     
  14. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Side note:

    My libido has been gone for almost 3 years now. I kept on having sex during the reboot period, sometimes with, but mostly without O.

    It has nothing to do with testosterone levels (had them checked). also energy and strenght are good. I practice natural bodybuilding for over 6 years now. and weigh in at 88 kilos on 10 percent bodyfat, 1.80 m long.

    Could this be the reason its gone for so long? Its bothering me every single day, my girlfriend has raging libido so no sex is no option for her.

    Thank you all forr the help.
     
  15. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    You asked about improving your self-esteem.

    I am currently rebuilding mine. I'm finding that it's just a skill you learn, or more accurately, it's like building a muscle. You have to work at it, and it takes time to see results. . . but then, after a while, you have it and it starts working by itself.

    I keep recommending 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence (which I linked in my sig.) Follow these. I printed this list and look at it regularly.

    I also recommend The Slight Edge, which basically details how building positive habits into your life will make longterm changes. Figure on getting more exercise, getting out more, learning new skills, etc.

    I'm a bit hesitant to recommend this, because it's so badly written, but I got a lot out of How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes. Her tips are pure gold, but it's written like she's gossiping to her girlfriend. It can be found online as a pdf. Working on my social skills made me feel better about myself.

    Another thing that helped me was making the decision to ignore my inner voice. I'd spent years calling myself a loser every time something didn't go my way. I stopped listening to this - my inner addict - and started enjoying life. Things still don't always go my way, but I either fight back or take action. I don't go and hide in unreality (porn!).

    Cut out things and people that give you a negative world view - it's really easy to get down about world events beyond your control.

    I can't really talk about your sex life, other than to say that when I was a self-hating porn addict I had zero libido and did not have sex for literally years. Mine libido is coming back in direct relationship to my self-esteem, and I hope you will find the same, too.
     
  16. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    Thank you for the reply.

    I will look into the books you provided in your post.

    Stopped smoking again now for 3 days and not going back to doing it anymore. I am so done with this.

    the NO A is getting harder and harder but i am going on with it. Gave in this weekend a couple of times but i think looking at real women is 10000 times better than giving in to porn or porn fantasy.

    I did think about the clips i wathed in my relapse and felt really down afterwards.

    Hope things will be better soon and my libido will return after an extended time of no arousal.
     
  17. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    And here i am again, relapsed 3 times to P... dont know why i did it, i never felt worse in my entire life than on this day.

    I am sitting at my job, not motivated to work, not motivated to talk to anybody, the relation with my GF is at stake, cant stick to my diet and so forth...

    Anybody got any tips for me to overcome this period? Since i started the no A method i never had any urges to masturbate or what so ever, since i started it my libido came back slowly and it was uncontrollable, at least for me..

    hope to hear from any of you

    clean for 1,5 weeks now.. 1 day of no O..

    :(
     

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