Reforging - A man looking for his inner potential

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by ankista, Jan 21, 2022.

  1. ankista

    ankista New Member

    I’m starting this journal from today. I’m 21 years old, been addict since 15 years of age, worked in the past couple of years to overcome this, longest I have reached is 83, then always stopped at 20-25 days.

    I have relapsed 4 of the past 6 days now, It’s no longer a craving but an itch, I need to regain control over my life.

    I have exams coming, some big exams in 14 days, and I don’t want to reach day 3 or 7 or even 13 with a brain binging on porn, uumotivated, drained and empty.

    What I intened to do, in the next 2 weeks, to be clean?

    it’s not just 2 weeks, I had enough, I want free life, I want to get to know what I was like before porn, I might only have known myself during some days during my longest 83 days streak, I need to reconnect with that.

    going back to what I need to do, it’s easy to list so many things and falling for this trap again, but I have been saying that for myself again and again, obviously something is not working, maybe I’m too lazy, and just covering myself with the rationality of “ I can’t do anything at once”

    so I will rush it this time, but carefully

    for the first week, I will focus on these things:

    -Consuming content of Nofap, especially Mark Queppet content, and reading about stuff here in the fourms.

    -Writing my process, here in the fourm for every day, and trying to be accountable, I hope someone is reading and participating as well.

    -Be good at prayers, I feel distant to God, but he’s close, he doesn’t let me lone, and if I was honest, doing the right steps, he will come closer, and I need him, he and only he can make me go out of this, and he can make me do the above 2 steps.

    -Last and not least, having good productivity level, 5 hours a day is good, I relapsed today because I was bad at my productivity, I didn’t do anything and I was nervous about it.

    Will add diet and working out in the next week, now focusing on important things.

    To be continued…
    Krebs likes this.
  2. ankista

    ankista New Member

    I’m waking up at 11 AM. I’m a mess. This is also something to change.

    Now in the next 7 hours I want to do the list I’ve mentioned above, will make me feel much better.
  3. ankista

    ankista New Member

    Day 1 - was successful to a degree.

    I didn’t even think about porn, never had urges.

    but I didn’t do “intentional” work on my “anti-porn” content. Didn’t watch videos or read articles.

    I’m writing this as a compromise, but I still need to consume content in the next days, it will give me some kind of push.

    my productivity was decent today, had 4 hours, still to achieve my goals but much better than the past days.

    Slolwy gaining momentum, but the most important thing is the consuming part, I have been there before, and without consuming good content it simply just doesn’t workZ
  4. ankista

    ankista New Member

    Day 2
    Clean, but I shouldn’t be that happy, I wasn’t challenged, and I didn’t consume a lot of content, in fact I just did a video of reforged man course to write this topic.

    it was about benifits of quitting porn.

    Emotional benifits:
    Sexual health
    Strong romance
    These doesn’t mean much to me, I’m not allowed to have sex before marriage, and I don’t want to be in a romatic relationship, but yeah it’s good for a guy to feel like his dick will be fixed.

    Freedom of complulsiveness
    I like that, the past months I was compulsive, every day or two I have an idea, I then mentally jerk about it, only to find myself opneing a site, and binging for porn.

    it was compulsiveness that doesn’t align with my desires, as I said before, an itch.

    Desire for good things
    Yeah I lack this one, I’m not trying to do good things nowadays, not reading the books I like, not watching the useful videos, I guess my dopamin stores are exausted, hope they’ll be back soon.

    Motivation systems will be fixed
    I wish! Motivation is the main thing that derives me to grow, when I’m not motivated, as I’m when binging on porn, I just let the day go, I’m below my standards, and my standards are below my ideal.

    Mental benifits
    Living according to higher values:
    I love this sentence, I’m relgious, and there is no way for this addiction in there, it’s something that I need to get rid of, and by doing so, I’m closer to my ideal.

    Being the man I admire
    This is also a good sentence, I don’t like myself when I’m porn binging, or talking with a girl on chat and wanting to go under her pants, this is not me, This is not the man I admire.

    Mark also promises to turn negative emotions into postive ones, to transmute then, I’m suffering from anxiety and nervousness, and I think too much about future, I guess getting those fixed will be a huge booster for my life.

    i want to continue, my plans are to consume a little bit more content, be decent at productivity, fix my sleep schedule, and have good time management, I guess they are doable, and I guess they’re interconnected.
    To be continued.
  5. ankista

    ankista New Member

    Relapsed at day 4.

    it was coming.
    Today in scores:

    I was late at praying, doing it flatly.
    I was wasting time watching tennis and posting on social media
    Only slept 4 hours, had to struggle through the day, productivity was worse than anyday of the past 4. Didn’t consume anti porn material as well. I kept my rational mind alone, unsupported.

    See? Pattern. Score matters. I was bad at the main levels today. i need to treat my successful days on this score, not by nofap streak, which is only a result.

    What can I do? I can only learn from that and try again.

    next time I’m urged, I will think what went wrong in my day, and try to fix a small tiny portion of it.

    i will be productive for two reasons now, for its sake and to be porn free, it’s interconnected.

    Usual fapping days end with scrolling endless stuff on youtube because I can’t sleep easily, I will use this opportunity to watch nofap content, at least 30 mins of content will get me boosted for tomorrow. Which I sincerely hope will be better, with a better score.

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