Hey guys, What can I say?! Porn user since 12, 3x per day, at 19 I discover that I have PIED and that I have an addiction. That was 2012. Fast forward 7 years. Countless streaks of no porn/no masturbation. Countless relapses. Periods of 2-3 months clean when I was on top of the world... Falls... When I could barely lift myself back again. No browsers, no internet, no smartphones, went through everything. Discovered in February, a few months ago, that I also have OCD. It s reboot related where literally anything and everything that I do makes me feel like I relapsed partially so I need to relapse completely so I start a clean reboot again because the one where I m in is stained. No surprise, afterall at 9 years old I was making the sign of the cross and beating into wood all night long not being able to sleep convinced that something bad will happen otherwise and need to start again my ritual for things to be perfect... Not all the time but I had these periods. I was posting on here since 2013 under the ssj4goku1992 name on a journal so maybe some guys know me from back then. It became so ridiculous that I was relapsing all the time that nobody was even responding anymore... I also wrote 2 success stories here so... As I said highs and lows. Since my fall in February I have struggled all these months to get myself back on. I can t even put into words the depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts and uncomfortable psychological and physical feelings. Today at work I felt an accumulation of thoughts and a pressure where I literally felt like exploding, I went to the bathroom and just sat there hoping that all this angst can disappear cause I literally felt like exploding, I can t even translate here these episodes of psychological pressure... I realised one thing now though. If I get myself back up now... I win. I know too much now. If I get myself back up now in these conditions... If I make this redemption... I win, I never relapse again I completely end this chapter of my life. Completely. So we re starting day 1. I ll update daily no matter what. Some doubting thoughts are trying to let their way in in my head even now as I m writing this. But no more. This is the redemption of journal of somebody who had it all and defeated porn addiction but fell again. The redemption of taking back my throne. Onwards!