Day 18 no pmo. Thank god for sweets and the internet. They make me feel good an fill some part of this numbness and emptiness that i feel. I am so empty, so detached from everything. I just went for a long walk in the park where i was looking at all these couples... At how they are together... I just was feeling so numb i guess.. These days ... damn these days were such a lesson in how the addiction is a bio psycho social disease. You truly need to reintegrate in society. you truly need to learn to live in a fucking society... The instant gratification? Gone. You are trying to use some other things like the internet or sugar or some other shit but it doesn't work. Uhmmm... Seeing a beautiful girl on the street. Or 2 or 3. Or in a store. You just see her and thats it. If you dont do something you come home empty handed. No sex for you at the end of the line. No nothing. More loneliness at home and thats it. The cycle that went for years, i see hot girl, i click video, i masturbate to video, i finish does not exist anymore. My brain is literally dumbfounded that he cannot have his "girls" like that. He's looking for these ones in real life and he is dumbfounded that it does not work like that... That they are rare. And that you need to put in work to meet them. And it may not go anywhere. Its not some instant pleasure. This addiction will be studied for years. We are the guinea pigs. This is not a normal fucking addiction where its just about gratification pleasure and voila thats it. This has our most primal neural circuits, the sex - reproduction ones at play and thus builds a very strange and complicated type of addiction in which you do not know how to live a life... You never did. Everything is way too strange. Regardless i wanted to drink a bottle of wine but neah better with some sweets. Trying other drugs? I just dont give a fuck. Dont masturbate dont watch porn. Dont matter the brain shenaningans at play. And thats it. So i am finishing the 18 day, and my 4 day of the third hell week. I cannot lie it really is far easier these days. Though im waiting for some though shit ahead. I left my addict life, now i am living my recovery life. EVerything is changing from day to day, my mood my thoughts my everything. In a few months probably i will get the normal life too Keep going.