Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by sesshomaruinuyasha, May 11, 2013.
Starting once again... There is absolutely no way I can let even a glimpse of this thing in my life... No way... It just takes over completely over my life and I lose every single bit of tcontrol that I ever had until that point.... I just lose myself completely and become unable to function... to eat to drink to sleep to work to talk to do anything... Pleasure dissapears... I just fall into a black hole where there is nothing... Emptyness and confusion and depression and nothing else....
It was my mistake thinking that i can let something like this slip in my life again. No matter what. I need to learn my lesson for my future. To have a future!
We are starting back! Piece by piece no matter how i feel now... slipped once again in the dark hole... I will get out!
End of day 1
End of day 2
End of day 3
End of day 4. End of day 5.
End of day 6
End of day7 and a full week.
End of day 8
Go on Goku, youre doing well, dont relapse this time!
A hard day 9. But still the end of day9 Thanks AyyLMAO for the support!
I ve got 3 girls lined up. Lets see what i do with them
End of day 10. 1 girl is nah. 1 girl is yay and tomorrow we see the third
End of day 11
End of day 11 on 23 May... It s 22 June and the start of day 1... And this is how everything has been my whole adult life... In a few months I will be 25...
I will be 25 years old... It will mark an end... It is the end of the prime years in a life... From 18 to 25. Youthness... Vitality, happiness, life itself vibrates through you in this period... It should be the hallmark of your life. Physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually... Youth...After 25 things slow down... You turn 26,27... It is the start of the late period of your early adult years... 25-34 right? You are a grown up, life, jobs, responsabilities, maybe family, maybe soul to mold after an image in your head... What you would have wished to happened and to be your life... And after that you become middle aged, you live it, then old age and then death..
If i do things perfectly from now on, there are less than 200 days until I turn 25... I will not be completely healed... How? How can I live with myself... How can i live with myself knowing what I did to my prime years... To the most beautiful period of anyones life... Your prime adult youth period... The one period that will not turn back...The one that most people remember with joy in their eyes... Their young life! Right?... How can I live with myself knowing that I was stuck in a timeloop all this time... How? I forgot... How it was to be 22... 23... 19... i so forgot... Sadly time itself didnt forget... It passed and passed... leaving me older... with less and less time in the life tank... Stripping me of my youth... Once again of my youth... I did it. I stripped myself of it. I am the only one responsible for it. I am diseased... Severely diseased...
I have a very severe mental disease with this addiction... My mother's obsessive compulsive genes... My bullied childhood...Being born when the worlds most addictive thing - internet porn - was invented... All together. They destroyed me... I know . I need to be positive. To start again. Again and again and again... But time doesnt lie... Life itself doesnt lie... My prime years are all gone and forgotten... I never thought that I could ever reach this stage... Rock bottom? I dont even want to pronounce myself anymore... I was always afraid of something like this... Being into my late twenties... Stuck in the same horrible life... But it was never a reality... After all, I will and would change myself right? I will heal. Just a little relapse. Look at that. Hm i already looked at that. I ruined everything. A little relapse... And so this screen has enslaved me knowingly for all of my entire life and unknowingly for more than 10 years... Several more... Childhood to adolescence to early adult life... And i am on the fast track to becoming that guy in the late teens... As i said... Like it or want it or not, I will not have tasted freedom, true real freedom and life in my most beautiful years... The 18 to 25 period... They are dirty...stained...Destroyed...I dont even properly remember anything from this period... Cause how after all?... Who would have thought when I think of my prime years, life and youth period... That it would be like that... Who? And to say that i am on the fast track to have this my entire life...Not an understatement at all... But we human beings can only focus on what happened... We cant properly look into the future after all our lives would be so different...
And what happened is true. Not a lie not a story not a fantasy. When I will be 25 and I will end this time period and go on 26 years old... Starting the 25-34 late youthness era... I will have never tasted real life in my prime period... The best period... The one that never comes back.. And after which everything goes downhill... And to think that I didnt even realise the road that I had taken... No realisation... No nothing... A wasted youth and life... It is what it is... A misery. I was never happy... Completely. Never ever. Not even close... An infection of a life... An infection that took my youth away... I will make the necessary changes so that I can take what has remained of my heyday... After all we cant change the past... The only thing that we can do is learn from it and change the future right? I feel better after venting all of this here... It took a stone out of my soul... Just wanted to talk and share some words... Stay free and live... You never know when its going to end... Sooner than later that is for sure!...
Ah! That post shook me to the core! I can relate to what you are feeling because it's been pretty much the same for me. You are right about things slowing down after 25. You sort of begin to lose motivation for change. That's what happens to most people but all is not lost. What you haven't done in the past, you can do today. And remember it's today that you can change. Future will remain an illusion forever.
It is what it is... After 44 days... I fell... It was needed... It definitely was needed... Each time something like this happens it happens for a reason..
It is a sign. It is a feedback. It shows you that you were not on the right track. That you did mistakes. That you need to change them. Do you did that got you perfectly before this... Now do not do what got you AT this... It is a very simple feedback mechanism. I will learn from my mistakes. It was needed as i said.
Time to start again like a real warrior! Day 1 again
Congrats on getting to 44 days that's awesome! Your momentum hasn't been slowed much by one slip.
But the way you're saying that it was 'needed' is concerning.. we never need porn.
If you have to release then it will naturally happen via a wet dream.. are you trying to give up PMO? Because if you are then you cannot accept this mistake as a needed mistake lol. Don't mean to be harsh by the way just trying to understand.
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