Redemption from hell

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by sesshomaruinuyasha, May 11, 2013.

  1. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  2. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    20 April 2017 00:00. The day that the legend begun.
     
  3. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    I have fucked up tremendously. I was in a good streak, 34 days, as always I got cocky and arrogant, and started to view more and more sexual things and search for more and more sex things until i got into viewing porn. It didnt affect me in the beginning, I was pretty happy, but the next day the same thing happened and i relapsed. After that I lied to my friend who has the k9 password to my pc so he can unblock it. He unblocked it! I am still kind of dizzy lets say... I never had as many relapses in my entire life. Never. A few days without stop. Probably it was needed for me to see that you can always fall and to remind how hard this thing is. It even made me like it... I was so enamoured and addicted to that fucking screen...And it was just a screen.... My mistake thinking that i can defeat this via pure willpower. I tried and i slept 4 hours. It was close to impossible.

    I once again blocked my pc and a few new websites which were a problem. Tomorrow I will go and buy some amino acids. I have researched a lot about a new therapy which helps recovery happen faster. If anyone is interesed just tell me and I will post the recipe. There were pretty amazing results in the USA with it. I would not go for it because it s very expensive but I have done WAAAY too much damage and I need something to help me and support my recovery... I have lost enough of my life, i dont need another huge recovery period to lose it again.... The thing that i hate the most about it is that i couldnt take myself off the screen. I would have died there, it was so good and i liked it so much. Of course the first time the horrible feeling came for me...but after that, relapse after relapse after relapse. Overall of course i didnt feel good. I quit work for these days and i just stayed home and...get high probably lets say... And i craved even more... Thats how i know that it was so bad... Because it didnt even make me hit that rock bottom when i say fuck you, i dont even like you anymore... I mean i didnt reach that rock bottom... Where the pain of the addiction is more than the pleasure of it... Thats why i relapsed and relapsed and relapsed ... I so wanted to get there to not want it anymore... But it didnt get there... It was still going... I relapsed probably close to 30 times in these 2-3 days and i still wanted more... So severe it was.... i am destroyed...my entire brain chemistry is goodbye. Everything that i see think hear want crave feel its a lie. Its not the real me anymore. I know cause i saw that porn shit when i was half sober and i wanted nothing to do with it... A real woman would have made me jump... Now its the other way. But i know the way, the cure, the treatment and I started to take it. I went off of it, I reblocked my pc now even stronger, I will continue to stay sober and most importantly stay humble so that i stay sober and take my proverbial pill day in and day out. Healing is guaranteed then. I will also use this new amino acid therapy to help me recover from the tremendous damage done... I started my day 1 :)
     
  4. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Ended my day 1. Some cravings...some brain fog... A lot of random thoughts in my head... But i made it out. Off to day 2!
     
  5. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Finished the 2nd day. I bought all the amino acids but imma start them tomorrow. Im just using Zinc now for testosterone.
     
  6. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Finished the 3rd one. Started to use NAC and some D3 for testosterone and overall health.
     
  7. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Finished the 4th one. Started to use all of my supplements now. Sadly it seems that i have lost a bottle..well it is what it is...
     
  8. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Finished the 5th one. Everything good.
     
  9. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Finished the 6th one. Outside of a little craving 10 minutes ago while looking at a girl that is a potential client/girlfriend. At a photo of her that i have already seen 5 fucking times cause i checked all of her pics exactly how i do. Just looking at her breasts she may have silicone implants...which is kind of a shock! Haha, and it triggered some crazy feelings in me but i knocked them on their ass and im going forward as usual! ;)
     
  10. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Finished the 7h one. Everything ok. Though i think that i jumped a day...still we ll keep it at 7.
     
  11. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  12. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  13. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  14. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  15. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  16. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  17. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  18. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  19. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

  20. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

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