Redemption from hell

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by sesshomaruinuyasha, May 11, 2013.

  1. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    DAY 25! :)

    So, I was missing because I spent my holidays with my family, most of the time at my aunt's house, and the New Year's Eve at family friends at the mountain. Luckily they have a store and also 2 workers. A fat old ugly one, and a not so ugly/not so good but young 19 years old with some great tits.

    Long story short, they invited her to dance, from dancing she went full blown "I want to suck your dick" mode haha. She is a fucking peasant though, the lowest of the lowest, but she kinda agreed to come this Sunday at my house. I just hope that my mom will leave the house in the weekend so I can fuck this one too :) I have some sexual/addiction urges, but there is nothing to be concerned about as long as you are respecting the pillars. Also, having scheduled girls to have sex with them is great and is keeping oneself on the right track, knowing that you have to perform and shit is going better and better.

    My ex gf is contacting me again, I have tons of improvement plans on 2016 and etc but I just don't have the guts to write everything about them now... Just that things are going great and I will have amazing progress addiction wise/sexual wise/nr of girls wise/fitness wise/fighting wise/ financial wise this year. Wish me luck ;)
  2. M.R.

    M.R. New Member


    Why does the situation not favor me "trying to teach you things?"

    I'm tired of getting into arguments with people who care more about feelings than truth. Grow some thicker skin. If arguing makes you upset, that's your fault.

    Yeah you're right -- to each his own. If you want to be dependent on E.D. drugs for the rest of your life, then be my guest.
  3. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    OMG YOU IDIOT! I do not rely on nothing you dumb fuck. I am just helping myself having a normal sex life while healing at the same time. I am tapering down as my natural erections improve. Not staying home and juggling between abstinence and relapsing like you are doing. Fuck off my journal you loser!

    You cant teach me shit because a few days ago while I was cumming in my sexy client's mouth and some other days ago while I was fucking my big boobs girl, all at the same time while improving my natural erectile capabilities and tapering off ED drugs you were wanking on the internet and posting things about how your amazing motivation will change everything, but once again your counter spells 0. Thats why you dont teach me shit. Now as i've said fuck off of my journal you lame weakling.
  4. M.R.

    M.R. New Member

    This whole thing started when I suggested that you TAPER OFF, which you now say you are doing. Why didn't you say that before?

    Clearly you need a remedial course in English.
  5. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Because you ASSUMED that I would not, you dumb fuck, based on nothing you idiot. I just said that they are a godsend gift. You should have fucking asked first if I would taper off or not you imbecile, not ASSUME by your stupid mind. From now on you have block, I will not reply your idiot ass anything more.
  6. M.R.

    M.R. New Member

    You are right -- I didn't ask. But you being defensive clearly didn't help, nor did your resorting to ad hominems. I didn't insult you once.

    Anyway, this whole forum is for guys helping each other out, so I say let bygones be bygones.

    Good luck with your journey.
  7. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Sorry for overreacting like that. I just saw the same bad attitude towards PDE5 inhibitors that a lot of people have here. I had it too. That they are bad and etc. Of course that they need to be tapered, but they really are a godsend gift for helping me do a lot of things.

    I am sorry for talking like that. I am much of a hothead and didn't meant to offend you. Good luck too on your own journey :)
  8. M.R.

    M.R. New Member

    You're right man. If it works for you, I say go for it. I just got ahead of myself and assumed too much.

    Good luck to us both!
  9. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Man am i lazy... I got from day 25 to day 37 without writing anything.
    What Are Animals Thinking and Feeling? | Carl Safina

    A great Ted talk about animals and how similar they are to us. How they are feeling lots of the same things, same emotions... Even though we need far more evidence to pronounce ourselves. What about cockroaches? Are they terrified of us because we kill and run after them left and right? Who knows..

    Well, great days. I had another 2 chicks per day sex day. Even though I felt that im out of my league, and my arousal capacity still highly lacks. I fucked the first one. I faked that i came when i fucked her the second time. After some hours when i fucked the second one, the erection was quite bad. Though the second and third time after some hours were pretty good. In the end i took 6 pills that day a high overdose (research chemical dose) and I realised that there is a ceiling of effects for these pde 5 inhibitors.

    You take a 5 mg pill you have an effect, you take a 10 mg, there is more of the effect, a 20 mg pill, even more, 2 20 mg pills, even more but at 3-4 pills i think the effect diminishes. Like how much artery dilatation can you get? It's the most dilated artery ever lol. It all depends upon your arousal from now on. Even with 6 pills you can have a hard time getting an erection. And a lot of time I get a diamond erection in the morning or when im very horny. Pretty clear that this mechanism is healing more and more. As i once said, if there are 3 days there can be 30. And look i got to 37.

    I fucked a new one. A quite fat girl.bleah. I felt quite disgusted about her. Even if i fucked her 3 times, tried anal, came on her stomach boobs face and hair, did it with handcuffs pretty crazy shit. She realized that i am only fucking her and thats it. I was her 12th guy and she was only 23 DAMN. She left her shirt here in hope that she will come back. Nope no way. My sexy client also put me in contact with a huge double d boobs girl, my favorite type. Her cousin's ex. They just separated a month ago. I just talked to her and guess what next week she is gonna take a plane and visit me. She is from another city. I cant stop thinking about her. The sexy client now says that even if she gave me this girl she still cant stop thinking about me. I talk daily with my ex, she is in love with me too, and i still have feelings for her. Pretty crazy stuff.

    I started to train again, got some protein, continued my fight training. Things are going pretty good. :)
  10. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    47 Days going on 48!!!

    27 January 2016. The day that I realized that I COMPLETELY obliterated premature ejaculation. Details will come in future posts. But yep, that 10 seconds sex is gone. Fuck all night like a champ sex is the norm now ;). What does this mean? This means 0 premature ejaculation. Normal sex is now in the books :) It was for a long time. The transition was very slow and steady. And after some time, you just realize.

    Hey! I do not have Premature ejaculation. Like, AT ALL! For me it was a HUGE issue, and a very big goal of mine. I made it happen. It took a lot and it was very hard but I got here :)

    I had sex with the blonde huge tits girl in weekend. Fucking amazing pretty much! Now she is my GF. Let's see where this goes...
  11. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Long time no see. Day 75 GOING ON Day 76!

    It was fucking outstanding to get to 75 days. I didn't get here in more than 2 years. Seemed so easy. There is something with the long streaks where you have girls or other things in your life that just go so easy. You almost say, dude, what was so fucking hard doing this? Why did it took so long huh?

    LOL what an easy thing to do... This porn addiction thing... easy as pie.;)

    Well not so fast. I always said, hey remember that it is very deceptive, and it can sneek up on you like crazy in literally seconds. But I never felt this in these past 75 days. I did not even feel how they passed. I did not even feel like I so accomplished something. It was good that I was more preoccupied with other things. Girls and my internet addiction which glues me to the screen sadly. But today I really realised it. I clearly remember being at 3 days thinking if i do 3 i can do 30. If i can do 30 i can do 300. I got to 30. Now when I was at fucking 75.... I so realised where i got. i wanted to celebrate. Three quarters of my original 100 days goal. It seemed so far fetched...25 was far fetched...50 was far fetched...75 and 100? Legendary. And here I was owning legendary.

    Just that I started with some looking at sexual pictures these days. Pretty much comparing my girl with some girl that i was so masturbating to them at my addiction phase. I was so happy, that now i get to fuck what some time ago i only dreamt of. Actually, it started to happen since some time ago now i realise. And today I was on some website 4 am in the morning, with top 20 boobs from all around the world that the author fucked. I already saw them much time ago, but now it was the new me. Comparing my gf to anyone of these, and being so happy that it was up to par or better. Just that until now the pictures were with bras on. Now these ones were without. Naked. My browser did not open them, I had to go on my phone. But i opened them with some yahoo search shit. Doesnt matter. Happy that my girl was up to par and now im living my fantasy. My boners this day were legendary. BUT STILL... i so realised the addiction part.

    When the pictures were not loading I was so, lets go, lets go, i want to see i want to see. In an unnatural way. I felt some urge to masturbate. A low disconnected feeling but it was there. Actually, I wanted to fuck, to do something sexual. The addiction has weakened pretty clear. But it so resembled my internet addiction where you just cant get off the screen you want to see more do something more. When you finally get out you get liberated, like you just ran off from prison. Thats how i felt. I had some urges. Meanwhile i could see them, on my phone i could see just one dowloaded. The doubts creeped. I was realising that this is still some addiction shit. I so wanted to see them. There werent any normal picture viewing. Are you doing something bad? And it was like i was so close to relapse. Its the first time now that i had this part. Everything was amazing. Only now i felt how literally anything can change in a second and i could go back instantaneously. I needed something to get me out of this grip. I got out. Then i had some doubts...did you relapse? did you destroy yourself? you already know the feeling. Its the addiction, it starts to rear his head again. It showed once again why you do not fuck with this thing. I did my worst. Staying at home, internet addicted, till4 am daily, looking at innocent pics so on so on. Now was the first time when it hit me. Hey i still have some of this shit here. Get out of here. Look at this stupid pics, yeah they're great, but i fuck such a girl like in those pics, im so good. fuck out of here. tons of crazy stupid thoughts. IT WANTED TO GO BACK! I KICKED ITS ASS BACK IN THE STRATOSPHERE! NO RELAPSE, JUST LEARNED MORE ABOUT IT, FOUGHT IT, EVOLVED AROUND IT, AND NOW ITS ON TO DAY 76!
  12. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    From day 93 going on 94, reaching 100 days in more than 2 years... To complete 0... I am a wreck... Probably I needed this to remind me once again the hell that i passed through... And to remind that still at 94 days i can only have sex with the viagra and with a lot of pauses in between... It seemed so easy but once again it became so difficult. I have huge problems with my internet addiction and with procrastination. Why the fuck yesterday was so easy? Everything? Nothing was too much of a big deal. But now... My mistakes... Staying awake every night to fulfill my internet addiction... Starting to search for sexual terms on the internet... To read on them... Girls... Porn... Relapse goodbye...
  13. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !


    I found out a lot of things... Maybe the worst isn't that worse... Maybe we needed the worst so that we can get here...
    By researching even more the subject of addiction... I discovered the most crucial piece in my whole puzzle... I have an addicted brain. Pornography addiction was only one of the many addictions that i have. Internet addiction is here too. Junk/Sugary food addiction is here too.

    Basically, my genes for addiction are 100% here. My mom suffered from compulsive behaviours all of her life. She had a hard life with her dad beating her, but it's pretty clear that she had addiction genes. Her other sisters, even though passed through pretty much the same did not develop addictive and compulsive behaviours. First she was moving herself constantly all night long, like how you do in a rocking chair. After that she had Trichotillomania. Pulling her own hair in an obsessive compulsive disorder. I do not know how the ocd differs from addiction, because from what i see, they have become pretty much interlapped in today's world.

    From what I heard, dad had a drinking problem. Put 1 and 2 together and this is me. I realise that All my life I was very very prone to obsessive compulsive behaviours. I was making prayers constantly in my head all the time when i was religious. Obsessive compulsively. I was hitting wood (as in the superstition) constantly. These are just a few examples. When I say constantly I mean it. 24/7 type of thing. At 11 when I got my first PC and videogames, I could not even sleep at night. I was dreaming about them, playing them. Obsessed. I am amazed that I grew to have a fairly normal life with these genes. Now when I had my rough bullying period which affected me tremendously, I put myself even more in this... With internet addiction and pornography addiction. I was always skinny so i had 0 issues with food. But I realise that in these last few years since i lived by myself i developed an eating addiction.

    Every single behaviour that can be done compulsively I did it. Obsessive compulsive. The type that wakes you up in the morning, and makes you want to live so that you want to do your behaviours/addictions. I only now realise how hard I am hardwired for this. I only now realise that by taking out porn addiction but keeping the others, was like taking out the orgasm but only edging at porn. My addiction centers in brain were severely stimulated all this time. I am amazed that i got to 93 days NO PMO , while having this life. All my clothes are messed on the floor. I did not wash them since a month. All my dishes are in the kitchen. Garbage was not taken out since a few weeks. My life is a terrible mess and only now i truly realise what is happening. I have very much evolved in porn addiction, and my willpower is a testament. Getting to 93 days in this life is a miracle. But only now and now i realise that it was just a symptom of an even bigger problem, if that could have happened. I need to get out of addictions and compulsive behaviours and start living like a normal human being. It will take everything that I got, but i got more than everything to truly solve it.

    I am starting this journey and even if it says no pmo there, my mission is addiction of every kind. I will change my life!
  14. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Good day. I had a nice bath to relax... After that a lot of cleaning inside the house. Cause you know, it was like an addict's house... After that some gym time to recover my very inflamed tendons... It was great cause i felt 0 pain. Even though the max weight used per hand was 20 pounds.
    Came home, more cleaning, cooked some pork meat. Watched a tv show, and now i will sleep. I think im catching a cold...
  15. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    As damn always... After a relapse its like i cant control myself anymore... Its like i forget about fucking anything and everything... Fuck this life
  16. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Time to recapture my long lost glory and put a final end to this miserable thing... I was too damn close to let it all slip... I was almost at the top, then total hell, destruction and anihilation. And after that I will get back up to the top which was so in my grasps... The final chapter starts now!
  17. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Its great that you are interacting so well with women but requiring so much ED medication just indicates how much the issue is a brain healing problem with arousal cues and not anything to do with a physical blood flow issue.

    To compare a 60 yer old with diabetes, blocked arteries and circulation problems should only need 10/20mg dosages of ED medication.
  18. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    Yep you are right. And to think that i was needing that much while being 93 days sober... Imagine now while i have destroyed myself head to toe through countless relapses... Just yesterday were 6 or 7...

    And the issue is that im so used to taking this ED medication that it does not even bother me anymore. It's just normality for me...Truly sad... But piece by piece i will make it out. Yes it is an arousal issue. Sometimes, just sexting with girls, which i felt that it truly aroused me
  19. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    will produce an erection better that the one which im having on 60+ mg of ED medication WHILE im with a girl in a bed... Truly an arousal issue.. The arousal system has been severly damaged.. I could not make this distinction before, but now that i have healed a bit, i experienced arousing moments which feel very good and give you the biggest erection that you can think of, and not so arousing moment which even being on a ton of ed medication, wont give you the hardest erection... you need to be
  20. sesshomaruinuyasha

    sesshomaruinuyasha Destroy the drug and get your life back !

    aroused for a normal, very hard erection to happen. ED drugs increase the blood flow and the strength of whatever erection you have in the first place, but even them have their limits. They can t arouse you by themselves. At some doses, they stop helping you. 2 pills are better than one but 5 pills are not better than 4. They achieve their maximum effect and that's it... I had sex 3 days ago with my sexy client while on 4 pills and still when doing it the 2nd or 3rd time, I had some erection issue

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