Recovery

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by seer, Sep 28, 2021.

  1. seer

    seer New Member

    - Discovered P and M at age 11. First time ever was to a bra catalog I found in the mail
    - Internet P use started at age 12
    - High-speed P from age 14
    - Noticeably addicted by 15/16
    - PIED at 17, to real women and P
    - Currently 1 month from turning 26. Live with my girlfriend. Still have PIED, but I can have sex ~70-100% EQ 1-3x per week. It fades VERY quickly when not stimulated.

    Symptoms: Brain fog, PIED, PE (on bad days I almost instantly O with PIV), very poor focus/concentration, memory issues, visual snow, visual afterburn, tinnitus, lack of motivation, always very tired even after 9 hours of sleep (with good sleep hygiene), general lack of aggressive/assertive nature I possessed when young, I often receive comments on my eyes looking fried (I don't drink or do drugs), low energy, low general libido (just pockets of this weird techno-sexual, extreme lust). The brain fog makes me feel VERY unintelligent, this makes university FAR more challenging than it could be.

    Symptoms get strange if I PMO. Almost always on days I PMO I have this very strange experience of finding it impossible to sleep. I will have weird recurring P flashbacks for literally 3-5 hours before falling asleep, when I haven't PMO'd for a few days I reliably fall asleep within 15 minutes.

    All of these symptoms get worse if I O (irrespective of how), so I'm going to listen to my body and avoid O.

    I detail my symptoms not for indulgence or sympathy, but to serve as a record to look back upon in the coming months.

    Goals:
    - No P FOREVER
    - No M FOREVER
    - A 3+ streaks of 30-90 days no intentional O (I have frequent wet dreams)
    - I move away from my flat for 2-3 months every year, during this time I aim for full no arousal.

    This isn't going to be easy. I'm at the point now where I'd rather die from withdrawal than keep this addiction alive, sometimes withdrawals feel that way. Too bad.

    Day 1.
     
  2. seer

    seer New Member

    I feel like I'm going a bit crazy with withdrawal, so it's time for an early update, as opposed to my planned monthly updates.

    Currently about 10 days no P. I had 2 events early in October, 2x 3-10minute peeking sessions. I've also had 2 wet dreams and O'd from sex once this month.

    I was having very intense experiences interacting with Women in the first few days without P. Simply seeing their eyes (masks on) at a till was sending shockwaves through my chest, very bizarre and quite difficult to describe.

    P cravings have been through the roof today and yesterday. Trying to study is a very frantic experience right now, it doesn't help that I'm in the final 2 weeks of exam period.

    This is a very interesting and useful podcast:



    According to Anna, the first 4 weeks are the toughest, particularly the 2 week mark. I'm walking through that strait right now. I'm aware of PAWS and all, but I'm very much looking forward to getting over this initial hump.
     
  3. seer

    seer New Member

    October
    PMO: 0
    P: 4x (5min, 10min, 10min, 5min) - Ranging from images to vids
    Sex O: 3x
    Wet Dream: 1x

    Longest without O in October: 2 weeks, no WD in this time which was very surprising.
    3 weeks no smartphone. I've also cut back on tech use. I'm trying to use my screen only when necessary. Ideally I'd check my messenger and gmail 1x/day, currently it's around 4x/day.

    No PMO in October, now for no P in November.

    I had some very tough days last week. Perhaps withdrawal, perhaps not. I felt like death all the time. Brain fog and ability to focus is near debilitating, most of the time. Sex drive swings from ridiculous power, to flatline and back, weekly.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2021
  4. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Really good video, I am yet to watch all of it, but I heard of Anna Lembke in that Netflix doc and also because she was interviewed by Russell Brand recently. Her style of presentation is really nice, beyond just the facts.

    I relate with your early post that pmo affects sleep, especially if one is in the depths of addiction. I believe you´ve made enough progress to have arrived at this statement "I'm at the point now where I'd rather die from withdrawal than keep this addiction alive". That in itself is a powerful, energising mentality. When you get to that point, you kind of almost sleep-walk to victory.

    A curious question, how are you doing on the O front? I notice like me, you are in a relationship, do you ever find like Os can set you back? I noticed
    for my own case at least, it is definitely my abuse of it, that has resulted in this and I will be aiming to go teetotal. I read Cupid´s Poison Arrow that advocated something called Karezza, a slow, less pornographic type of sex, without goal of O. According to the book, too much Os are at root of relationship issues. Food for thought.

    Keep up the excellent progress. And a warm welcome to YBR :D :D :D :D :D
     

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