Recovery Journal for Danny

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by DirtyRider, Oct 29, 2017.

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What's your favorite fruit of the four?

  1. Blueberries

    100.0%
  2. Cherries

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. Bananas

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. Avocados

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. DirtyRider

    DirtyRider New Member

    Hey guys,

    Name's Danny. I'm 22 and writing here because I feel it can give me the sense of self-expression was is crucial to my ability to gain restraint over myself and stop watching porn.

    Today I PMO'd after not having done so for a couple of days. My usage has been inconsistent this whole year, and while I've noticed a downward trend in my usage since I first identified Porn as a problem in my life, I am still not free from the clutches of my own mind.

    The worst parts about my addiction are the feelings of emptiness and anxiety which come from the guilt, disappointment, and self-indulgence of failure.

    I will keep my head up, avoid the things I've known to be problematic in terms of tempting me, and to simply let intrusive thoughts enter and exit my mind. Too often I drive myself to relapse to escape disturbing thoughts which my mind creates, obviously in an attempt to reason myself into watching porn/reading erotica, masturbating, lol.

    I have noticed that I tend to recover my ability to achieve and maintain erections generally quickly ( a couple to a few weeks) after ceasing porn and masturbation, even provided I add infrequent masturbation into my routine again. I truly believe the pornography to be an issue for me, and the key is to dettach myself sexually from porn. I want to be able to masturbate and enjoy my body and please a female too. In my teen years I was doing both with no issue. It's time to allow myself to reemerge.
     
  2. DirtyRider

    DirtyRider New Member

    So a whole week has gone by and it's been on and off. In total I've probably PMO'd three times. Yesterday was PMO free though, and I could feel a bit proud of myself this morning. I read a bit of erotica/sexchatted today, which always is time consuming like any other masturbatory habit. Didn't get very far and no O, however, which is nice. I found myself not enjoying myself, and thus stepped away from the computer.
     
  3. DirtyRider

    DirtyRider New Member

    Well continuing on, still O free for the past few days now and more or less M free with the exception of the wandering hand. This shit is so personal, and yet I feel it's necessary to discuss since the very nature of this problem is personal, lol. Today is nice. I have great energy and a sense of well being in my chest
     

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