Rebooting means changing into a new person

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Kuhn, Jun 6, 2022.

  1. Kuhn

    Kuhn Member

    I think there is a common misconception about rebooting which, in my experience, isn't addressed very often. First-timers seem to think that ''all they have to do'' is abstain for 90 days and then they will automatically get social superpowers and coast through the rest of their life. My first expectations of nofap 7 years ago were like that. But this view of reboots is too simple and leads to frustrating failures and betrayed expectations. To be honest, the YBOP site has a great amount of resources but reading all of the ''90 days and now i'm a sex god'' success stories are kind of the cause of this. It should not be underestimated that to really change, you should be open to change into a new person. And by that I mean in at least two important ways:

    - the way that you view P (not an exciting thrill, but something that is at best a lame and superficial stand-in for real sex, and at worst an abusive industry that gets it's users addicted in very bad ways and incentivizes sex trafficking.)
    - not just abstaining, but switching your PMO habit into a better one. let me explain.

    The most important part of rebooting is getting rid of your PMO habit by replacing it with another less destructive one. (a good book about habits which is very well known is ''atomic habits'' by james clear.) if you only abstain, you are just going to be left with a lot of free time (depending how much you used to PMO, lol) trying to whiteknuckle your way through P related thoughts. that approach is bound to fail eventually, you need to give your brain something to do with a more normal reward pathway. any hobby will do, really.
    changing habits is surprisingly hard to do, because in a way they tie into your own self image. daily habits shape who you are and what you think about yourself. therefore if you want the reboot to have a lasting effect, you should mentally cut ties with the old you and actively shape a mental image of the new you, and embrace, and be that person.

    sorry if this post seems a bit disorganized, it was a bit of spur of the moment writing. hopefully someone kind of gets what i mean.
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2022
    Pete McVries, -Luke- and StarWarsFan like this.
  2. StarWarsFan

    StarWarsFan Member

    Pretty much this, I have seen it also reading through the various websites.

    Personally, I didn't see that much of a change other than general irritability and stabilizing my moods. My wife noticed fairly quickly along with my libido for her shooting through the roof for the first few months (it has since mellowed out some). Other than that, no real "special powers" as it were. I still procrastinate getting work done and other stuff.
    Kuhn likes this.

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