1 month, relapsed. I know that since these relapsees are so rare they wuold not affect me, but I want to stop anyways. Goddamn it shouldn’t be so difficult but fantasies are so boring after a while..
Going through my second reboot, 3 years after the first one. Clean since 10 may, so it's about 50 days. I had an initial flaltine of 15 days which was induced by a fetish porn relapse, and currently I'm going into mini flaltines/refractory period of 2 days after each orgasm (only from vanilla fantasy). I should have known that peaking to vanilla will have lead eventually to escalation again. I peaked a lot during March and april but only to vanilla, then in May to fetish, not exactly just a peak, it lasted a while even if I haven't jerket off. What shock me is that relapsing to fetish porn literally 2 times, only watching without MOing on it, was enough for send me straight to flatline!! After 3 years of reboot. Sure, I had started relapsing months ago but only to vanilla porn, idk if this make any difference but I started having ED again only when fetish porn come into play...2 times, maybe 3 were enough. My plan now is to wait another 15 days before reintroducing MO once a week, since it's holding me back a bit. I don't like doing too long streaks cuz of frequent wet dreams, so I think limiting it to once a week will be enough. Positive side: My crave for fetish seems gone, when I have libido now it's just for vanilla, and If I abstain long enough From O it's really easy to get it up, sometimes even to touch alone, i have become very sensible to light stimuli, so this flatline defo healed me some more. Just can't wait to be able to return to orgasm regularly with no side effects
Keep up the battle @Thisworld , going back to the fetish is never worth it. Hope you come right on your journey.
I'm near to 90 days, this month I had MOed a lot, like every 3-4 days. I'm happy that I was able to, but apparently was still to early since now my erection potency has decreased again. I thought I was out of it, but after all I'm less than 3 months porn free, so it's a good progress but I have to slow down. Damn I don't understand why some people can get back to porn and remain hooked with the associated sexual dysfunction while my brain when I relapsed went straight to flatline, that's crazy, not even pied, just full blow flatline.
This is an high stress period for me. I need to take care of myself, I was really on the verge to relapse for the second time. Not gonna fail
27 September. Reset. It's crazy, when relapses happens it's like I'm on a fucking train that will not stop. I'm able to stop it before it start when I'm concentrating on this stuff, but then weeks passes..my mind goes on others things... it become easy to abstain, I don't think about porn anymore and... boom i relapsed again
So from 27 September to 9 October I relapsed so much that I can't even belive it. I know it will take a while for recover now. I always feel like it will be the last time but then eventually it happens again. I don't even know what I am doing. Brain want dopamine, ugh
I can relate to much to yours words and feelings. It is a disgusting feeling of not being able to control ypur own body.
Yeah right? Disgusting and terrifying, because it make you scared and think "what if I can't stop?" That's crazy and ridiculous to not being able to just don't fucking watch fucking porn
So today i was about to relapse, I entered a porn website but then 1- i remembered my promise to myself 2-i realized I don't actually like porn Opened a video and put pause... in that moment my brain was deciding if watching it or not 3-realized that for real I don't really fucking like porn, not even a bit 4-close the tab. Fuck this shit, like I said I'll never watch porn again in my life. The only downside is that later in order to make the urge subside I MOed, I'm not against MO but in these days it's only adding more dopamine to the mix. I want to go monk mode until a flaltine hit. And than reintroduce occasional MO only when I will be out of it
Anyway I will today finish configuring the porn blockers on all devices. It's harder than you may think to actually block everything
Entered in flatine today. It's always like this, I stop porn... i eventually MO.. and then usually the next day the flaltine hits. I know this time it will be a long one.
