Rebooting - I want to feel proud about myself

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CleanHands, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Almost unbelievable but my very successful and happy professor has a worse stammer than my friend Anthony, and even lost all of his fingers on his right hand.

    I think he finds happiness in his job and being able to make people laugh.

    Have you ever considered that making other people smile is indeed significant? That seeing yourself as not good enough for interaction is a complete contradiction when 99% of the time you make people laugh/smile here on this forum and even help them find real confidence and help them find who they really are.<---- (reference here :mad: )
     
  2. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    This. Your humor is something to bring to the table, Hands.
     
  3. CrazyGopher

    CrazyGopher Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    We need to get General Jack in here, to give you the precious bodily fluids pep talk!

    [​IMG]

    Seriously though, I feel for ya. And I know you can get back on a good run if you will make a serious commitment to do it!
     
  4. h0p3

    h0p3 Hope, Faith and Willpower to all of us.

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Yeah, don't chop the nuts. I relapsed too, highfive ;D! Honestly, I don't think it's a relapse as it was sex, but I'm going for no O's whatsoever, so I'm resetting the counter as well. Keep up the fight, at least you know where the problem is, you just need some more willpower. Stay strong.
     
  5. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    MY LOST CLONE BROTHER I FOUND YOU AT LAST

    Another case of perfect sync :eek:
     
  6. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    I'm of the opinion that part of the close distance between your relapses is due to the chaser effect. You need to get out of it first.
     
  7. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Just got up in heat, "relieved" heat and had breakfast. Honestly, have no desire to journal (doesn't touch my own personal journal as well). I guess my sleeping schedule is kinda fixed, getting up around 6-8AM for the last week, and planning to re-incorporate habits gradually, starting with no-fap and meditation. Things went to shit at the end of the year, so have to start from scratch.
     
  8. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!


    Do something to improve your life. Anything.

    You need to be able to evaluate your current situation and say "I'm better off now than I was a year ago"

    In my particular case, abstinence from masturbation is very difficult to achieve. My threshold is typically 4-5 days. I have a very long battle ahead in that department.

    I have however made great strides in porn consumption, webcam sites, MO binging, etc. I'm also experiencing concurrent improvements in other areas of my life such as overall health, career, dating etc.

    That's what keeps me going. I can look back and say "I still have to work on X, but I'm doing so much better with Y&Z."
     
  9. ShameNoMore

    ShameNoMore "Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you".

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    The video on your page is brilliant: how bad do you/we want it?
    I may be going on a limb here, so if I'm off, just forget it, and forgive me. I think that one of the main reason you are struggling a lot in the early phase is that there is a lot of anger, a lot of hurt underneath.
    Like most (if not all) of us, the sexual fantasies we get turned on by, obsessed with, are ways that prevent us from feeling this anger/rage, and these hurt. Get yourself a punching bag, beat up a pillow or your mattress w/ a tennis racket, push against a wall (don't punch it, no need to hurt yourself) with all of your strength and might; and get in touch with what you're feeling, really feeling when the desire for PMO and sexual fantasies surfaces and seduces you in believing "just do it!".

    I can tell you first hand that a month or so within my process (I remember the night as if it was yesterday) I face the "fuck that sobriety shit... it is just to fucking hard and I can't do it... I don't care about being sexually sober anymore... and I'll never get what I really want anyways..." moment. Total despair. As hard as it was to bring myself to push against a stupid wall, and when I did it as hard as I possibly could, it helped me tremendously to release, to discharge all of what was pent up inside of me. I allowed myself to feel how trapped I felt, how vulnerable I really felt inside. I cracked open. At that moment, and for the following days, I got in touch with the genesis of my sexual addiction. The pieces of the puzzle came together. Memories long gone, things I had totally forgotten, so I thought, came back resurfacing within the following days. It's only then that it became clear (not only intellectually, but on a physical and emotional level) that my sexual addiction had prevented me from feeling, and integrating the root problems/pain buried inside. Who wants to feel that shit anyway? J/O, release the tension and move on was my preferred way of dealing.

    Give it a try for yourself. See what comes up. Allow yourself to feel what you feel... and to and release it... I know for myself that THIS was the hardest day of my recovery, and that moment was THE turning point for me. There is no doubt in my mind that if I had not done that, I would have tried to white knuckle my way into recovery, and would have failed. Not a doubt in my mind. It is not that it has always been easy afterwards, but at least I had the tools to release what otherwise would have been released through P.M.O.

    I'm delusional in believing that I won't face any other tough challenges, but I feel better equipped to do so!
    Best to you dude. Good luck!
    There is a way out of this nightmare. That much I know now!
     
  10. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Tsmith said it best in just a few words.

    Do something, ANYTHING to improve your life.

    If you learn how to do your own thing in your own way, no one holding your hand or helping you, you feel better about yourself.

    Remember what Netherlife has said about self-efficacy. Also, we all know willpower comes from within, simply self control.

    I have been learning it and doing better for it. Sure I have relapse but hey, I am getting better at self-control.

    I think the real key is to improve confidence by improving your won condition, if you are doing better, you are feeling better
     
  11. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Quite perverted, lol.

    Why not? Pain sobers mind sometimes.
     
  12. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    But nothing sobers arthritis. Not worth it.

    Hey Cleanhands, I'm glad you're taking some time off the forum to sort your head out. The only word of advice I can give you is to find a compelling reason to get through it.

    It's the ONLY thing that's worked for me. I too was in your position before I gave up completely. I simply had no reason to continue with it.

    Now I have a glimmer of hope and that alone has been enough to get me back on track after so many months. It's a do or die situation for me. Six months from now, I could be living a new life and there is no way I am going to be a PMO-addled mess when I get there. And with all the experience I racked up over my failures, I know EXACTLY what to expect and avoid. Today for instance, I felt some insane urges but I was able to ride through them for a whole hour without breaking a sweat.

    So take all the time you need. Find a compelling reason to get through this and come back. And not some spiritual, romanticised BS. Find something you know that will require the benefits of no PMO.
     
  13. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    [​IMG]

    Keep going, Hands.
     
  14. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Good to see you back with some momentum buddy.
     
  15. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Re: Don't be a wanker!

    I don't want to read about your stuttering anymore.

    Stop being so self-conscious about it.

    Just accept it.

    And ignore it.
     
  16. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Don't be a wanker!

    Noooooo...

    What happened this time, man? :mad:
     
  17. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Don't be a wanker!

    Why can't you just M without the P?
     
  18. TrainingTheDragon

    TrainingTheDragon New Member

    Re: Don't be a wanker!

    I'll reiterate to my earlier post and say you should take a break from rebooting. Come back when you've gathered your resolve with a compelling reason to change. You're just giving yourself more reasons to feel like shit at this point.
     
  19. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Don't be a wanker!

    Please do.

    To be honest, I think you have a strong self-sabotaging tendency in you. I think that's been said before in the thread, but I have to add to it as well. My immediate reaction when I saw your "Another day down, fantastic!" post was "How long before he crashes?". But then I thought I have to be encouraging.

    That said, I agree, take a break from rebooting. You don't have to reach a new low but you need to take a real break. None of this "I'm going to take a week off, oh here I am back after 2 days" that you've been doing. Because I think that at the moment, you're demoralized and that's not a good base to build a reboot on.

    Take a break and see a professional, that's my advice to you.
     
  20. Re: Don't be a wanker!

    I think I'm at a similar situation right now. I mean I've been pulling 2-3 week streaks lately, but when I relapse, I simply can't resist to binge, which is less fullfilling everytime I do it.
    I haven't gone to university since tuesday and everything just seems meaningless.
    I'm giving myself an ultimatum, if I don't succeed this time, I'll search professional help.

    I think that our main problem is that we are both loners and rarely identify with other people, leading to no motivation and self sabotaging, because we see no instant results.
    We have to create a mindset that is willing to go through pain and hard work.

    From personal experience I know this can be really tough.
     

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