Rebooting - I want to feel proud about myself

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CleanHands, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: My journey to Narnia ( and how one does not simply masturbate into Mordor)

    Smithaayyyyy, you naughty bastard you...
     
  2. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: My journey to Narnia ( and how one does not simply masturbate into Mordor)

    Hey, mate. I've been reading your comments about the anxiety and stuttering.

    Have you considered joining your local Toastmasters or any other club that can help you speak in front of the public. I know that seems scary but you'll be in the company of other people that are trying to improve their speech. For my part, I've been a member for close to 3 years at my Toastmasters club and it has helped a lot with not only public speaking but also my self esteem and confidence. I would note to you that one of the longtime members at my Toastmasters is a stutterer. He probably stutters 2-3 times his speech but it doesn't phase him. The rest of the time it just looks like he's taking a pause.
     
  3. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: My journey to Narnia ( and how one does not simply masturbate into Mordor)

    Clean Hands, are you familiar with Bob Love?

    He was a basketball player in the 70's with a debilitating stutter, and now he's a motivational speaker

    http://vimeo.com/38512261
     
  4. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Re: My journey to Narnia ( and how one does not simply masturbate into Mordor)

    I've started working out last week too, with my friend Bill (who has never worked out in his life before). I've already seen changes in my attitude, and beside the munchies that it gives me, it has only done good.

    As far as your stuttering, I think I touched on this a long time ago in the beginnings of your first journal but I totally relate to you on that. I also have some speech problems, my biggest one is my incapability to pronounce the american version of "r"...the french is radically different and without knowing how to pronounce the American "r", you're pretty much f ed when it comes to other words.

    But like my problem, yours can be overcome...but it will take time, and be very hard because we have to break habits, that have been ingrained for decades but you'll get it eventually if you keep trying. I wouldn't know any specifics though.

    As far as studying habits, honestly, every person is different and every class has to be handled differently. Some people are better problem solvers and can do homework quick but can't memorize quickly...and others can memorize but cant solve problems so the first thing you want to do is identify your strengths and weakness. Some people make the mistake to just emphasize their weakness and try to improve it, but though this is good, you also want to make your strengths even stronger.

    In any case, on a non-test study session, I usually study for 6 hours. I wake up early, about 8 or 9 am and start early so i can finish early.

    2 hours study one subject
    30 minute break
    2 hours study second subject
    30 minute break
    2 hours study third subject


    I usually don't study more than three subjects a day, I have only five so usually two of my classes in my schedule are easy classes like sociology and philosophy. I concentrate more on physics and mathematics

    on a test study session, I usually go hardcore and try to study 8-12 hours (weekend day of course) on a subject, and I do the same things but instead of switching subjects every two hours I stay with it. But that's my method, you need to fool around and find what's comfortable with you. I study an average of 20 hours a week, and that's the must busy that a college student can do and this is also the average hour that an engineer major study. So you probably won't have to study that hard, but what you want to do is study diligently, and I promise that you will do well, you're a smart guy.
     
  5. Netherlife

    Netherlife Guest

    Re: My journey to Narnia (We can't stop here, this is fap country!)

    This is probably because the behavior is compulsive, and you're going to have an incredibly hard time breaking it if you don't know what signs to look for. Sure, it is easy to say "hey, I don't want porn anymore, its bad for me", or "masturbation ruined my life, I want real women", but believe it or not, those things fill a void in your life. Porn and masturbation have been used to keep you in balance for a good portion of time. There is a sense of balance to everything that we do.

    For example, if someone wants to start getting up earlier, they need to go to bed earlier. If someone wants to go to the gym and exercise, you have to give up some time that you spent doing another activity. It is all give and take. Believe it or not, a lot of our behaviours are habits that we do without thinking. Our body regulates them because they keep us in balance, they give us the chemicals we need to function.

    By getting rid of porn and masturbation, you effectively deprive your system of a good portion of chemicals. If you want this to go away, you've got to replace those chemicals. You've got to fill that void. What is porn but a bunch of images on the screen that produce an effect - be present to that effect, what do you actually feel when you're masturbating to porn. What emotions do you feel? What is the experience like for you, what is drawing you to this? Don't allow yourself to succumb to simple explanations such as "I'm horny, or I'm bored". Use your mind for this, understand that one does not need to see naked body parts like one needs oxygen. There is something deep inside you that is drawing you to this, and it will keep on drawing you to this until you address the core problems. What is it? What is the emotion that is underneath it? Is it a desire to escape? To forget? Is it acceptance that you seek? Is it fulfillment?

    Porn is just a chemical cocktail, but to quit you have to replace those chemicals. What happens to your body while you're viewing it? What emotions do you feel? Really be present in the moment. If you want to quit this, you have to be aware of what this is giving you. Once you are firmly aware of what it is that you seek from porn and masturbation, then at least you have a path to follow. If you want this behavior gone, you have to follow that path. You have to have those needs met in a new and healthy way. If you don't do that, you're in quicksand. A part of you will always want to quit, but thats just the rational part of your brain (pre-frontal cortex). The rest of your brain doesn't understand rational thoughts - it understands chemicals and neurons firing and all that jazz. It doesn't care about the consequences of porn, all it cares about is getting its fix of chemicals. If you can't satisfy this equation in a new way that benefits you, your brain will send out chemicals that numb your prefrontal cortex and distort any and all consequences of your actions.

    Yes, there is always a choice - but you can make that choice a hell of a lot easier to make if you work with your brain, not against it. I don't want to say it but I'm actually going to advise you to watch porn - but this time be present in the moment. See what is that you're feeling, what it is that you hope to gain from it? Its not blind pleasure, there is a motive to your action. Be present with how your body feels? How does your heart feel? How do your muscles feel, what is your body telling you? Pay attention to all that. Write it down after you're done, now you have a path to follow. If you truly want this gone, you're going to have to find a suitable replacement for that cocktail of chemicals that you receive. The more needs you meet, the easier it will be to make the right choice: the choice that is consistent with your rational brain, the choice that benefits your life.

    I don't want to send you out into battle without you knowing what to look for, so I strongly recommend that you listen to this:
    http://tonylitster.audioacrobat.com/download/Call_5.mp3

    This audio talks about the things that I mentioned above, in regards to the emotion needs being met and unmet for porn usage.

    Try to come up with a list of what this is giving you, and then at least you will have something to work with in terms of giving you more satisfaction in your life, so that you can create balance in healthy ways.
     
  6. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Moar Spiderman memes!
     
  7. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Re: My journey to Narnia (We can't stop here, this is fap country!)

    How many times have you masturbated to porn in the last 3 months?

    Are you keeping track of that stuff?

    If not, you should.

    Change your attitude and re-read my post about the Top 3 FATAL Mistakes.
     
  8. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    Re: My journey to Narnia (We can't stop here, this is fap country!)

    I haven't read that post! I'll do it right away.

    And no, I haven't tracked how many times I've relapsed in the last three months(but safe to assume it's in the 20+ range). I have, however, added a counter for PMO and MO relapses in my original post.
     
  9. Netherlife

    Netherlife Guest

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    I think its great that you went out and answered those questions, because it gives you a pretty good look at what needs porn has been fulfilling in your life, and which it hasn't. Quitting porn is the process of getting a lot of those needs met in a way that benefits your life. Of course, I know how you feel, that is a pretty long list, but you don't tackle these problems all at once. You handle it slowly, and surely. Change can be a scary thing, which is what makes Tony's program so great. The guy understands perfectly that this isn't an easy process, which is why his program is super easy to follow. He'll start you out with 2 steps - Affirmations and daily walks. After about a month, he'll add meditation into the mix and throughout the program he gives short assignments that you should do over the week. He even tells you that its "ok" to continue with the behavior as long as you are aware of the consequences, but if you dedicate to this guy's program, it will help you quit porn.

    I started Tony's Program in September 2012, and I stayed on it for 10 weeks. When I started, I knew nothing about porn aside from what YBOP told me (towards the end of April 2012). I had no idea how deep this ran, and had no idea what it actually required to stop. The thing with porn that makes it such a struggle is that you can't just stop doing it, you have to replace it with new behaviors that serve you in a beneficial way. In essence, you have to change the way that your needs are being met, and you do this in baby steps. Over time, you'll gain more confidence and you will see your porn usage decrease dramatically, to the point where saying "No" will become like a big joke to you. I don't want to be smug, but you will not believe how easy it has become for me to say "No" to porn as long as I stay on Tony's Program (which basically means, as long as I am taking steps to keep myself in balance by filling the void left by quitting porn). As soon as I stop doing something that keeps me in balance, I feel it in my ability to make correct decisions. But the amazing part is that the program itself isn't difficult, at most you'll spend 30 minutes a day doing the tasks he sets out for you.

    I would already have that green star if it weren't for a slip up where I looked at porn for all of 30 seconds in December, and realized that it wasn't worth it and turned it off. I still consider it as a slip up, and therefore I don't think I should ask to be indited into the hall of fame just yet. That being said, quitting porn is extremely easy once you learn how to fill your needs in a healthy way, its almost a joke. I know you might not believe what I'm saying right now, but take my word for it - it is possible, and it is worth it.

    A note on "god" in Tony's program. Yes, he is religious, but I didn't pay attention to any of it. Whenever he spoke of spirituality, I just thought of the person who I want to become, the one who is consistent in his moral integrity - the one whose thoughts are consistent with his actions. That is what becoming closer to "god" meant for me. And it isn't that far of a stretch, considering that coming closer to god usually involves spending more time reading scripture, and leading a more "moral" life in a religious sense.

    Give it a try man, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. A note on affirmations - which I think will help you more than you know. You stutter, and based on your descriptions of your life, I can see that it is a debilitating thing for you - which makes affirmations all the more effective for you. What is the process of affirmations: You're listening to your own voice, speaking new beliefs to you, and while you hear these beliefs being spoken, you try as hard as you possibly could to imagine if it were real. You imagine as hard as you possibly could what it would feel like to be confident, to be worthy of happiness, and to be loved. You know what this is doing? When you do this, you're wiring your brain to feel these emotions whenever you turn on your affirmations - you're wiring your brain to feel this way when you hear your voice. You might not believe me, and thats perfectly ok. I thought the affirmations were utter bullshit too, until I fainted while listening to them. That incident made me a believer. It changed the way I looked at myself, and it will open a door of new opportunities to grow and become the man who you always wanted to be.

    (By the way, the program is free - ignore his banter about price changes etc, at the end of the intro videos, he gives you the entire program for free). If you need help making the affirmations, I will do it for you, as I made my own as well.
     
  10. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    If you didn't had the time for it - you wouldn't do it. Sorry, that's as simple as it gets.

    If you're so horrible at it and want to reboot - get rid of your computer.
     
  11. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Dude, everything is a trigger. You can't blame that shit. As I said in someone else's journal, you only have yourself to blame. If you go by your mentality, you will never ever reach even 45 days.

    Imo, you don't want this badly enough... even barely enough.

    And it's not a relapse if you do it consistently every other day, that's just ...using, because you not only do it a lot, but it's by pattern too..
     
  12. fullset

    fullset Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Hey clean - I suggest getting rid of facebook. You WILL feel the need to be more social if you take away internet socialization. Kind of how you feel like getting with actual women and being intimate with them after you quit the intimacy of porn. We all have a basic desire to be with other people - its just that you're fulfilling 99.999% of it online. Cut it out for a few days and I guarantee you you will be making small talk with strangers (I know you hate small talk).

    As far as your answers to netherlife's epic post, I relate to you on orgasm being the most satisfying and relaxing thing out there. My main purpose was for me going to sleep. Did a long shift and felt tired? PMO. Woke up way before my time and can't go back to bed? PMO. So yeah, it was my sleeping medication too. But I tell you what - after you quit PMO, you can make do with less sleep but still feel motivated and ready to go.

    By the way, I second your opinion that netherlife should be a shrink too. Love your posts, netherlife. Keep'em coming!
     
  13. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    When thoughts like this hits, it's imperative that you do anything (Apart from MO/PMO) that can short circuit those thoughts. Whether it be exercise, videogames, meet up with friends etc. Anything that can 1) Distract those thoughts 2) Give you positive emotions.
     
  14. CrazyGopher

    CrazyGopher Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    I am in the same boat. Need the computer, but hate it sometimes too.

    You can do this, CleanHands! The main key is not to give up and get discouraged. As long as you maintain your spirit and keep working on it you will succeed eventually.
     
  15. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    [​IMG]
    noooooooooooooooooooo..............
     
  16. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Go here http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=6238.0
    now.
     
  17. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    Guest? Not even so much as a fucking goodbye from my friend?

    ......... :'(
     
  18. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    I'm starting to think that with the amount of time he's put into this and the fact that he's relapsed a lot of times, I think some real time off (Not "disappear one week, come back the next") is warranted. Is he going to relapse some more? I don't know. But if hitting a low point can be used to gather resolve for another real run, then perhaps that's what's required.
     
  19. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    CleanHands could you please describe what an average day of your life looks like?

    What are your dreams? Who do you want to be? How do you see yourself 1 year from now?
     
  20. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: We can't stop here, this is fap country!

    CleanHands, coming from somebody who's also had a mental breakdown (I was hospitalized for 6 weeks in 2005) - it might be in your best interest to seek professional help.

    We're here for you of course, and we can offer advice and support. But since it sounds like your situation is getting progressively worse, you may need to work with somebody who has specialized training in counseling.

    (From my own experiences, I would suggest you avoid going on mood altering pharmaceutical drugs - but ultimately that's between you and your doctor)
     

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