Rebooting Again

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by richmart, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. Giles

    Giles Member

    Regarding the issue of having pretended your porn issue was over - this is tricky, I don't really know what to suggest. I am loathe to advise you to create more untruths to cover up the old... and telling the truth at this stage might not be the best thing to do right now... If in doubt, do nothing...

    Well done for resisting those temptations. You are doing well and you are doing this for yourself first and foremost. Soldier on RRM.
  2. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I can tell you things will be different in your outlook when you get up to 45-60+ days. It took me a few slips to get there, but I had less on the line than you. It's worth it. You won't need to do any convincing about the changes. You can do this!
  3. anonymouse

    anonymouse New Member

    Hi RM,

    First off, congratulations on your progress. Second, we sound a lot alike in terms of not sharing our emotional lives. I could've written that paragraph. I'm in a similar situation with my wife but she caught me so she knows what I was doing. She wasn't happy hearing about 90 day reboot and slow change. Unfortunately, my recommendation is to tell your wife. She probably suspects it anyway and trust me, confessing is way better than her discovering it. Before you do anything I'd seek out Gracie here on the forums and see what she says.

    My other recommendation is to get out there and make some friends. I've just started the process yesterday by going to a social event without knowing anyone there. Have I made friends? Not yet. By being around new people I hope to make some, though. We have been stunted and now it's time to grow. It's scary and painful and brings up a dozen other emotions but it has to be done for us to become fully realized men.
  4. Gracie

    Gracie Member

    Thank you Mouse for the kind words. I know that it is hard to tell your partner. I know because my husband told me in bits and pieces and with blame place on me in some instances. Those are the things that make it hard to hear. The fact that your wife has noticed ( and how could we not?) that there has been no sex for some time, means she knows something is up. As I said in my other posts, this left me with a feeling that he was going to leave. It was awful to have that feeling. I discovered the use which led to the lies etc. Discovery was far worse than having a discussion about porn.

    When you talk to her, use the site, "Love You Hate the Porn" and Recovery Nation. Both have great information for both the porn user and the spouse. You can read through my other posts for other insights. Remember, whether or not we know, we are going through this with you. We will fill in the blanks with our own "this is what is wrong" words. They may not be correct.

    If we are truly your beloved, why would you not want us beside you holding your hand and supporting you? And why would you not want to help us and hold us and comfort us? The other thing is that even during reboot you can hug, kiss and hold each other both with and without clothes. This is the bonding that occurs with reboot and it is AMAZING how much comfort it is during this time and after.

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