Rebooting Again

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by richmart, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. richmart

    richmart New Member

    Made it through the hardest part of today. I will be out of the house all day with my son so the opportunity just won't be there. It should be nothing more than a nice day where I'm not spending the whole time trying to not P and M.
  2. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Well done NN. Keep at it. It gets easier too.
  3. richmart

    richmart New Member

    As I expected yesterday was pretty easy. I was gone for most of the day with my son. We had a miserable experience at the amusement park as severe storms moved in and shut down all of the rides.

    I did wake up early this morning feeling very anxious and with an erection. My hands were almost shaking. In the past I have always had two ways of dealing with this. I would either hold my junk and it would get me back to sleep or I would tell my wife that I was awake and was going to get up so that I didn't disturb her sleep. Then I would P and M until I could fall back to sleep on a sofa.

    As I write this I have managed to not choose either of the options. I did get out of bed so that I wouldn't disturb my wife but I posted to the Emergency Urge Control Centre and than just read journals and other forum posts until my kids were awake and I could get on with being a dad. I never got back to sleep but I did P or M either so it was a good morning.

    I had really thought about how a big part of the process of rebooting is going to depend on coming up with new coping strategies for my triggers.

    Today should be a pretty good day now that I have gotten through the morning hours. I will be working from home today and won't be presented with the opportunity to P and M and should be well into day 4 when I go to bed tonight. I just need to get through today and tomorrow and then I will be going on holiday for two weeks.

    I am already feeling more mentally alert. There is less of a fog and I am more willing to do what needs to be done. I'm very curious to find out how different I will be after a sustained period of no PMO.
  4. nowsthetime

    nowsthetime Do Your Best, Then Do it Again.

    So long as you know you are sincere, that you really want this, and that you promise yourself you won't ever quit fighting this bs, then you must also understand that the whole fight is a journey, a process, and falling down will be a part of that.

    If you can be all of the things I mentioned above, and you keep fighting, sincerely, the falls will become less frequent, you will get stronger in the broken places, and it will get easier over time, and as you are fighting you will, over time, change, and you may one day really see and get and act on the idea that you are NOT that old you anymore, but the one you always wanted to be.

    And that new powerful you, will take control and move you where you want to be, how you want to be, naturally, because it simply will be who you are, what you are about, the you that you forged from all the days you have been that guy, versus the old guy.

    And if nothing else, even with the occasional falling down, you will be the guy you choose to be, want to be, more days of your life than not.

    Sorry for some of my psychobabble there, but it's what I know to be true, even if I don't express it as clearly as I hope. :)

    Good Luck....we understand.
  5. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Welcome! May I suggest smaller, easily achievable goals like 7, 14, 21… if you've never been able to make it past a week? Those small accomplishments add up and helped me see this past my struggle spots. Either way, post often, it really does help.
  6. richmart

    richmart New Member

    This is really good advice for me. I tend to be a bit of an "all or nothing" kind of person who would consider anything short of 90 days of no PM and O only with my wife to be a failure. I overlook the fact that it took me 35 years to get myself into this situation and it is going to take a while to get out of it. I also fail to see that any time that I go without P and M for longer than I have, it is a form of success. Thanks for the reminder.
  7. richmart

    richmart New Member

    No worries about the psychobabble. I am pretty tolerant of it and have been known to use it myself!

    Regarding whether I am truly sincere..... I don't really know for certain right now. I have been so worn down by this porn habit for so long that I find it hard to imagine a day when it won't be a part of my life. Right now I am simply chugging away and trying to get to the end of the day with without P or M. Right now I just want to get to the point where I have a significant chunk of time porn free where I feel like there is something to be lost if I relapse.
  8. richmart

    richmart New Member

    Checking in this morning. Still going with no PMO yesterday and none so far this morning. I have changed my handle to "The Real RM" because someone reminded me that it's never "now or never". My all or nothing thinking puts too much pressure on myself in that I would tend to view anything short of 90 days as failure. I would miss the point that, given how much porn I have been using recently, any stretch of time without it is something to be celebrated.

    I am worried that I am drinking a bit more in response to the tensions created by the reboot. It may be that this is natural and will dissipate as I get farther into the process but any advice would be appreciated.

    I am still very edgy in the morning as my pattern was to begin the day with porn and brain seems to be annoyed with me for not doing that any longer.

    I have found that I seem to looking (leering???) at good-looking women that I encounter during the day more than I would when I was using porn. It's as if I need to look at something and this is my only option without P. Thus far I haven't taken these images home with me in my mind to use as fuel for M but I think I need to be an guard about this. In the pre-internet days when I may not have access to porn, I would store up the images of the girls/women I encountered during the day and use these to M. This hasn't returned but I need to be as firm about no M and I am no P.

    Going on holiday tomorrow so updates may become sporadic. I'm not sure about internet access in the house we are staying in so I am almost hoping that I may not have any access and it would virtually guarantee my continued success over the next two weeks.
  9. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I was similar when I started. Some people need quite a while to find their groove. You might have a few slips along the way as I did. Better to not let those discourage you too much, they happen. Progress does accumulate. But it seems to be most effective when consecutive. I suppose the rewiring can get stalled if one slips.

    If you need to reset the goal to daily, do that. The first 1-4 weeks are the toughest. It gets easier after that. Don't be too tough on yourself for goals or for slips. This isn't a contest. Many guys have slipped many times before reaching their goals. Some have even started totally new profiles. Don't compare yourself to the progress of others.
  10. Giles

    Giles Member

    Hello The Real RM, well done for committing to this process, you are in the right place. Keep with it in the early days and it will get easier. Keep reminding yourself of all the reasons you are doing this. All the best...
  11. richmart

    richmart New Member

    So I reached my goal of no PMO until leaving for a two week holiday. The house I am in does have wireless so I will need to continue to be on my guard. I am hoping that the result of all this will be that I will be 100% present to my wife and kids while we are away.
  12. Giles

    Giles Member

    Congratulations, and I hope you have a nice holiday...
  13. richmart

    richmart New Member

    Giles: Thanks for the encouragement! Wishing you success in leaving porn behind.
  14. richmart

    richmart New Member

    Still no PMO for almost 10 days. I don't remember if I have gone this long in the past 15 years. I don't think I have. Pretty strong urges first thing in the morning the past couple of days. I had a fight with my wife last night that was my fault and I am feeling pretty low about it. In the past this has always provided me with a great excuse to seek out some porn for comfort. Can't do that now so I am curious to see where this takes me.

    I had a dream last night that left me very aroused when I woke up. I was my first sexual dream since starting the reboot. Interestingly the dream was only about me flirting with a girl that I found attractive and included nothing explicit.

    I am about to enter a month of financial stress. I am not sure how I am going to pay the bills this month and it will stress me out. Stress is a strong trigger so I am going to have to be on my guard for next few weeks if I want continued success.
  15. Giles

    Giles Member

    Well done for making it this far. If this is the longest you have been without porn in 15 years then this is quite an acheivement. Congratulations, you are on a good path. It is helpful that you are aware of some potential triggers which might arise in the next month and it's great that you managed not to seek comfort with porn after the fight with your wife. This is a good sign of progress.

    Keep up the good work...
  16. richmart

    richmart New Member

    I am about to begin day 11 and the morning urges remain very strong. My balls are almost aching as if they are crying out for some attention. I am touching myself a bit and need to stop. My strategy right now if to just come here and read and post until the feeling passes or I find something else to do. Most of the morning feelings still seem to be that my body is confused by the end of the morning fap sessions.

    I am also trying to deal with stress-induced urges by reminding myself that porn does nothing to change the circumstances that are creating the stress. Instead it just diminishes my capacity for doing what I need to do to deal with the situations.
  17. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I'd suggest an M-only session if the urges get too difficult. Avoid porn and fantasy completely. Only resort to M if you are tempted to look at P.
  18. richmart

    richmart New Member

    I appreciate the suggestion but I am not sure that it will work for me. First of all, I am not sure that I can M without P or F. I am married and am hoping for some release with my wife soon if I can just get her to not be mad at me. P has done a number on our relationship.

    I hesitate to speak too definitively as I don't have much experience with this process but, at the moment, M doesn't feel like it would be helpful.
  19. richmart

    richmart New Member

    Day 11 today and so far no real close calls. It has helped a lot to be on vacation with my family as I have almost no time on my own. The down side is that I have no chance to meditate. I know from past attempts that meditation is a key for me.

    I also made the decision yesterday to reduce my drinking as I don't think it was helpful to me in the process. Yesterday was the first day without alcohol as well as no PMO. I just needed to admit that booze was going to slow down the reboot as I was using it to avoid dealing with the subconscious crap that led me to PMO.

    I do find myself worrying a lot about the return to work. I work with almost no supervision in an environment where I can just shut the door and do whatever I want. I am developing some nice strategies for dealing with urges on vacation but I feel like I will be starting over when I return to work. Work stress is a big trigger for me, probably the biggest one, and I hate the thought of doing three weeks of good work and then throwing it all away when I return to my"normal" world.
  20. Gracie

    Gracie Member

    Do not M. Wait for your wife to deal with things. You will not die without orgasm. She needs to know and feel that she is the only one. I know that is hard to deal with how hurt we are. But if you read my other posts you will gain some insight into this. You and she could read Mark Chamberlain's blog "Love you hate the porn. It offers great insights to both the wife and her husband. There is a book by the same name.

    If the office door is the problem, don't close the door with you alone in the office.

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