Rebooting Again

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by richmart, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. richmart

    richmart New Member

    I have been off in the wilderness for a while but I am back to make another attempt. I know that I need to get free from porn but I am not optimistic. In the past I haven't been able to get past the first week. My current goal is to get to 30 days. What strategies have helped you to get through initial stage where the cravings are so intense. PMO has always been my main coping mechanism so I don't really know what else to do when I feel stressed or anxious. It's like an itch that keeps getting worse and worse until I just have to scratch it.
  2. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Welcome back, NN. We understand.
  3. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Hi NN

    PMO has been the same "coping mechanism" for me too for anxiety etc.

    But I have learnt that I am so much better off without PMO and the anxiety and stress is much much less. I am much better able to handle really tough situations much easier.

    The trick is getting past about 15-20 days PMO free. After than it becomes so obvious how great and good life is without PMO that it becomes much much easier to motivate yourself to say stop! when the urges come up.

    So IMO do anything you can to get to 15-20 days PMO free. And to do that boot camp it: exercise, meditation, running out of the house when an urge comes etc. Just do anything to make it happen.

    Good luck.
  4. We're here for you NN . . . Let's share the journey !
  5. ravachol

    ravachol Onwards and upwards...

    Post early, post often, keep on coming back here and talking, you have others around you, you're not alone at all, don't forget that.
  6. richmart

    richmart New Member

    Thanks for the encouragement. My plan is to post and post and post. I especially appreciate the advice to do whatever it takes to get to 15-20 days. I have never been there since I got hooked on online porn. Luckily I have a two-week vacation coming up in a few days and I have no intention of bringing my laptop with me. I will have my phone but I am hoping that I can post here instead of browsing. My weak spot is the first thing in the morning. If I can do something other than looking at porn when I get up I can make it through the day. If I P immediately upon getting up then my day sucks. I have dumped my stash of porn and am looking forward to Day 1 of no PMO tomorrow. Thanks for the encouragement!
  7. anonymouse

    anonymouse New Member

    Stop touching yourself. Seriously. I stopped M and P at the same time and I was so focused on not masturbating that porn hasn't been an issue.
    If you can keep your hands off your junk, you don't need the porn, do you? Just my 2 cents, though, you have to take your own journey.

    And make sure it's ALL gone. Every last image, video, link, bookmark/favorite, account, whatever. Backups, USB drives, EVERYTHING. Anything that could possibly be a trigger. It sucks but it's gotta go.

    Good luck and post often. :)
  8. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!


    The trick to go over the first month is to do other things excessively. I watched about 500 star treck series in foreign languages, as I layed in sickbed and had a computer. I also made a lot of advising and encouraging work in varous forums and on reddit/nofap. A lot of guys post there and get no answer. It gives a good feeling to help oters and it helps to balance your life. Yes, and get incontact with others. Do social or charity work! Get in gear!

    But in the long run you need to reorganize your life, to get goals and find the meaning of your life.

    As your problem is the first thing in the morning, post just now 3 other things you will do in the morning before doing any others. They could be also joyful ones.

    Yes, enjoy! Celebrate the good things in your life! Devour your food, eat slowly instead of swallowing it. Prepare it by yourself. Have a place in the house our garden or in the nature to come to rest there.

    Be thankful for everything. Every evening say thanks for each positive thing which happened today.

    Give you some dope: Eat a rib of dark chocolate (70%+!), make you a chilly spiced chocolate drink, or simply swallow some dried birds eyes chillies (just like pills with some water; you will nearly feel nothing from the hot burning).

    Read this advice:

    And this:

    I will be not always around, but if you need support or advice, send me a personal message.

    Move on, stay strong. You may struggle, but never give up.
  9. midnight mike

    midnight mike New Member

    I'm just eight days into my journey without P. So my credibility may be kill. But I have found what Announymouse posted to be of help to me as well.

    You know the old add age. "Idle hands make for the devil's playthings."

    The devil in this case being M.

    I was able to get through my over first Saturday of no P by staying busy. At the advice of Platoschariot, Annonymouae, Bright Eyes, and others; I made an appoi tment book for myself. "Do x at y time."

    What I found at the end of the day was more than just a day without P, but tangible fruits of what a day without P looks and feels like.
  10. richmart

    richmart New Member

    I response to youngoldies suggestion: 3 Things I will do in the morning before anything else:

    1. Brew a nice cup of coffee.
    2. Make a list of 10 things that I am thankful for while enjoying the nice cup of coffee.
    3. Turn off my phone, put it in a drawer, and watch TV with my kids. I get up when my kids make noise so there's not much time to do anything on my own before they are awake. The goal here is to be with them rather than browsing my phone which usually leads to trouble.

    I will update in the morning whether or not I did these things. Thanks for the helpful suggestions.
  11. richmart

    richmart New Member

    I just got up and did the three things that I said I was going to do. While writing my list of things that I am thankful for I remembered that I had a folder with a bunch of photos stashed in it. I deleted it immediately so I think my laptop is now clean. Urges aren't too bad this morning but I do have a lot of low-level stress that could be a problem later in the day. I have a job that allows me to do most of my work anywhere that I want as long as I have a computer and an internet connection. I think that I will head to a coffee shop to work instead of going to my office where I can close my door and my blinds. It's annoying because my office is the one place that I have found to meditate. I can't meditate at home because my kids get me out of bed in the morning and I am never alone in the house.

    I think that I will go into the office to meditate and then head out somewhere else to work. I will make a point of posting here when I get to the office and when I am leaving to confirm that I am leaving instead of staying where it is dangerous for me.

    One other thing: I have accountability software on all of my computers except for one. I use that one to download my junk. It's an old junky laptop that is pretty much good only for accessing the internet. I need to disable this computer so that I truly have eliminated my access to P.

    I will check in later.
  12. Gracie

    Gracie Member

    Do you have a sledge hammer? If the answer is yes, then you can permanently disable that computer. That is my non-tech way of disabling it. :)
  13. Speedy

    Speedy "Nothing Beats Reality" Sixto Rodriguez

    Haha Gracie you made me laugh :D Maybe this could be your icon ;)

    Attached Files:

  14. richmart

    richmart New Member

    I have had the same thought. In addition to being highly effective, I think it would be very, very cathartic to destroy the machine. I am giving serious consideration to doing this.

    I have managed to meditate and am about to start working. The urges are semi-strong right now but it seems to be my brain telling me to follow the usual routine rather than a true desire for PMO. My goal for today is to begin a new habit of coming here when I feel the urge. I only have to make it through a couple of hours as I am going to be working out during my lunch break.

    I am beginning to get a sense of the support that can be found here. I have managed to totally isolate myself and have usually felt like I am having to deal with this alone. It's good to know that there are others who can relate and help.
  15. anonymouse

    anonymouse New Member

    You may have those "habit" feelings for a while. It took a week or two before the impulsive/automatic/unconscious behaviors waned and I could start focusing more on defeating urges. Side effects of a reboot run the gamut: flatlining, depression, anxiety, mood swings, brain fog . . . Just keep at it, one day at a time.
  16. Hi NN,

    Different strategies are more effective than others for different people. For me, I have found that changing / reducing my technologies has actually exacerbated my addiction, rather than curtailing it. I have tried numerous such tactics only to fall all the harder on my proverbial face. I am smart and resourceful enough, once my compulsive mind takes over, to get around just about any hinderance to me finding my fix. For me, recovery must happen at a more fundamental level. I am online all day every day and on multiple devices at fiber-optic speed and with zero accountability. Hi-speed porn, at any given instant for me, is one to five seconds away. I do not turn to it, not because it less available; I do not turn to it because at some rudimentary level in my psyche, I no longer buy into the delusion. Porn has caused me untold pain and misery.
  17. Loveslaborsfound

    Loveslaborsfound New Member

    NN - if work related stress is your trigger then I can relate. I can trace virtually every PMO impulse to anxiety around work. It really does help me to recognize this. Rather than what i used to do which was bury myself behind or beneath porn or the chase of women as a means of forgetting the trauma I face every day I now sense the moment when the trauma is hitting me and I step away from my impulses. It is not always perfect. I still have negative impulses that arise on their own, but just knowing what drives much of my behavior has helped me prevent it. I look for it and guard as carefully as I can. Good luck and stay strong. It is not now or never, by the way. It is always now. LLF
  18. Gracie

    Gracie Member

    Speedy, I do have a sense of humor. Sometimes that helps to get through all this stuff. But that is how I viewed our Directv box. Hammer should be used on it! 8)
  19. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    I agree. Work stress is a trigger esxpecially if you work alone alot. My trick has been to do some sort of exercise when the urge comes up like press ups or yoga. And if it persists I get out of the house for half an hour walk. Helps a lot.
  20. richmart

    richmart New Member

    Work stress is a big deal for me and lot of my issues revolve around dealing with panic over being evaluated.

    Regardless of this I made it through today with no PMO. Tomorrow should be okay as I am going to an amusement park with my son. All I have to do is make it through the 6-8 am time frame and I should be able to make it through another day.

    My goal is to follow the same routine that I did this morning: Brew a cup of coffee, turn off my phone and stick it in a drawer, and make a list of 10 things that I am thankful for.

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