"Rebooted" and slipping back into old patterns

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by hogus, Feb 20, 2020.

  1. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    I used to have severe ED for 10 years up to about 5 years ago. Then I rebooted, I think I made it 500 days without P before I stopped counting. Only 90(?) without MO but it was enough to get rid of the ED.

    Now I haven't been sexually active in a while and slipped back into watching P again. Decided to quit in case it turns into ED again but I need the accountability.

    It's been 0 days.
     
    Brit_91_kd, Merton, Guts and 3 others like this.
  2. Universal

    Universal Active Member Staff Member

    We'll get it done.
     
  3. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    Definitely harder than I thought it would be. I might have to bring back some of the old techniques like going to a communal area until the cravings pass.
     
  4. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    500 days is incredible! I once went over a year and then when I went back to porn, found it extremely difficult to stop. I am learning now that one of the reasons I was so successful in the beginning is that I heavily relied on forums for support and motivation. Anyway great to have you here.
     
  5. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    Yes, going to a public place is a good last ditch effort to behave. Good choice.

    A lot of times, I like ot think to myself that if I reach a certain threshold of recovery, I'll never have to worry about it again. But posts like this remind me that it isn't so. That scares me, but I guess it is something I'll have to get used to. One thing to look at if you are looking for inspiration is Noah Church's videos (addictedtointernetporn.com). He recovered long enough to write an entire book on recovery, and then started relapsing before getting back to good habits.
     
  6. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    It's true what they say about addiction being lifelong. When you get back in the old pattern it's like relearning again. Like before I realized taking a peek doesn't work and now I've had to learn it again, having taken a peek and relapsed! I will try to be extra mindful of catching myself before I start making excuses or "compromises" which aren't actually compromises and will end up like they always do.
     
  7. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    Well I've heard that recovering the second time can be faster, as long as your relapse period isn't too long or extensive. Good luck.
     
    hogus likes this.
  8. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    So, there are some other differences in a second reboot. In my first reboot MO had mostly the same effect as porn. Even when I could MO without fantasy and porn fantasy it still set me back in the early days. Now when I MO without porn fantasy, it feels like it moves my mind away from porn. Motivation for real women comes back and porn intrusions drop down. There is a shift back towards how I was after rebooting the first time. Of course it only lasts for as long as I can resist future porn cravings.
     
  9. jackal

    jackal New Member

    You seem to have impressing experience in rebooting, I keep my fingers crossed for even bigger success this time.
    I'll check back in a week to see your progress, let's make it a good week!
     
    hogus likes this.
  10. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    Going through some heavy cravings today but getting through them... 5-8 days always seems to be the hardest point IIRC.
     
  11. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    I relapsed again. No particular reason this time, I just got tired of resisting. However 10 days is double my previous record for the past few months so I'm making progress.
     
  12. jackal

    jackal New Member

    Try again! Sorry to see the counter at 0 days, but progress is what still matters. At some point everything should be much easier, it's the first days that are the worst (at least that's what I think).
     
  13. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    Lockdown has been getting to me and I have relapsed several times in the last week. I have major cabin fever, all my normal coping mechanisms have gone out of the window and I'm insanely bored. So I'm going to try something new which is to give myself a license to MO without P as much as I want, even multiple times per day. I'm going to actively look for other forms of stimulation to keep things mixed up (e.g. gaming, video chat with friends... more gaming) to try and stop the MO turning into PMO. Luckily, I know from the last few months that MO does not increase my urge to watch P. The question is whether I will be able to cope with cabin fever with just MO and no P.

    I just relapsed and it was a little bit PE, in and out in 3 mins as opposed to my usual 10 even with P. That's when I realized that it would likely be affecting my real world performance now so PIED (or PIPE if anyone has coined it) is now a concern again. A big problem was I didn't have any motivation to stay off porn this time because I didn't have PIED anymore which was my biggest motivation to quit. I realized that I don't really care if I watch porn as long as I don't have PIED, but it seems it's impossible for me to watch porn and not cause PE/ED.
     
  14. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    So now I've adjusted better to lockdown, my reboot got back on track all by itself. It's been 1 week now. Before this I wasn't really trying or active on the site so if my counter was more than 2 days, it was wrong.
     
  15. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    Over 2 weeks! The longest streak for several months. By the time the lockdown is fully over I hope to have it monthly or less.
     
  16. Universal

    Universal Active Member Staff Member

    Good work man,

    Hope everything else is going well
     
  17. hogus

    hogus Active Member

    Lockdown ends and the counter just goes up. Definitely saw this coming.
     
    Universal likes this.

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