reboot mk 3

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by fapdout, Sep 25, 2016.

  1. fapdout

    fapdout Member

    Back again. Still married but mostly in name. Marriage gone to shite, no sex. Lost my mojo and have ED. Not tried sex for probably two months as wifey will have a rigid dick or nothing. I just gave up really and went back to fapping at will. It's probably all too late, but I don't have much control in my life but maybe I can control PMO.
     
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Is it too late?

    I read your other journals. You've had a couple of good runs at this PMO thing, but you never gave up, with any seriousness, MO. Your latest post here is defeatist. You have children and a wife, who, although she has been tough on you, is still at your side. It's great that you came back here. This place is filled with awesome men who have been in your shoes.

    Now your back make this your final time. Ditch the defeatism and really decide that you're going to kick MO in the fucking balls and thereby get your own balls back. ED and DE are the same thing, just reversed. *See acronyms. And, once you decide that you worth it, that your not a bag of shit, but a valuable human being who deserves to be loved for just being here, you will have no problem with your pecker or your marriage.

    I've been where you are...we all have. Time to spend some capital and get to know yourself, once and for all.
     
  3. fapdout

    fapdout Member

    It's difficult not to be defeatist when you have a wife you love who won't touch you. I mean at all. Removed her wedding ring 7 months ago. We sleep in the same bed but we're basically separated. That being said, I appreciate you taking the time to reply, Saville. Just a quiet day with the kids while the missus is away and will have a fap free night tonight.
     
  4. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    I agree with Saville but I'll say it differently.

    1. She's still laying by your side no matter how disconnected she may seem.
    2. Women don't cuddle up with victims. Women cuddle up with men who are in control of themselves. You came here for a reason. Get control of your PMO / MO habits and then start taking control for the rest of you. The rest will follow.

    Like Saville said, make this your last time here and make this count. This is a game of small steps fapdout ... you made one coming here ... keep climbing!

    Rugger
     
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes, this is true. I've felt the intense loneliness that comes when two people are lying in the same bed, but there is a universe of hurt and misunderstanding between them. If someone had been able to convince me that I would end up in that position I would have become a monk. Eventually my wife and I slept in different beds; it was just easier. The fact that you're still in the same bed, as RD pointed out, is HUGE.

    Like you I nursed all the hurts, all the hideous comments she made, etc, but at the end of the day we absolutely, unequivocally, control our own destiny. You're not new here so I don't have to treat you with kid gloves. :) Stop the porn, stop the fapping. You've heard it all before. But, I'm a living example of someone who's marriage was so bad even shit wouldn't stoop so low as to come into the house..but it changed for the better.

    Commit bro and we are all here for you. We WANT you to succeed.
     
  6. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Never too late brother, you are in the pits at the moment and you want to pick yourself up otherwise you wouldn't have posted here.

    You can get control, you deserve it!

    Keep us posted :)
     
  7. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Fapdout, changing in this one area is the best thing you can do for yourself. As the other guys said, if you free yourself of MO and PMO only good things can happen. It's worth the effort.
     
  8. fapdout

    fapdout Member

    My work went to crap today, found out they'll be removing my weekend shift which I used to keep this house afloat. I can't move to another day as it would be less money and I'd make nothing after daycare. I've been all out applying for other jobs. Not really thinking too much about pron. Missus is pissy. More so than usual. Thanks bobjes and Nofapado for posting, I appreciate the support.

    I'm back on antidepressants though I ran out a few days ago and need to get a stronger prescription from the doc pending a blood test. Stupid brain doesn't wanna co operate. I will persevere though.
     
  9. fapdout

    fapdout Member

    It was my 10th wedding anniversary today. We can barely make ends meet so I got together a few meagre presents for my wife. Popped them next to her when I went to bed and tried to go to sleep. She woke up, said she didn't get me anything, didn't apologise and gave me a one hour lecture on all of my various failings as a husband. Shittest day ever. Didn't fap though, I have that small thing going for me.
     
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You didn't fap and this is HUGE.

    It sucks that your wife didn't respond positively, but remember, and I'll keep saying this, you are getting healthy for you. You are five days in and that is just awesome, my friend. Really believe in this process. So many men here, who were down, out, and feeling like there was no rescue, have seen their lives turn around in marvelous ways.

    Come here and vent and post on some other guys journals, as well. Extending yourself in all ways on this forum really helps. You have a lot to offer other people. We all need the collective wisdom of everyone else here.
     
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Even though I'm running off to work I want to add something. :D

    Do your unfinished jobs. Things around the house that you just left need to be attended to. There is nothing like fixing a hole in the wall, shoring up a fence, etc, to get a woman excited. But, you aren't doing it for her, you're doing it for YOU. It makes us feel manly to get our shit done. Never mind cleaning the toilet, do the other little jobs. Cleaning doesn't count unless it's the garage. ;)

    Are you taking cold showers? If not, get on that very easy and fucking awesome intervention.

    Peace! No, not peace. You need some of the spirit of war in you. 8)
     
  12. Jam

    Jam Active Member

    I'll just echo what Saville said.

    The hurt is real, but get busy healing. Be here. Start the work. I think most (all) of us here here because of PMO related issues but also all of us have PMO related issues because of and leading to other difficult things going on in out lives.

    If you haven't, I'd encourage you to read the epic post by Underdog - I don't necessarily agree with everything there - but I am a huge fan about thinking of a life plan. In the meantime have a clear no PMO plan - I am only 20+ days into this, but I know I am thinking with more clarity already.

    I have found the pain of healing to be harder to handle than the pain of sinking in my addiction. But the rewards of healing are huge - there are no rewards for the addiction.

    We are here - we're walking with you. It's a weird place to me - this anonymous collection of guys, but it is a safe place and a lot of strength.
     
  13. fapdout

    fapdout Member

    Wifey's booting me from the bedroom. She wants to separate and have us cohabit and coparent for a few years then sell the house. Fuck knows who'll look after the kids then. I'm really down, this blows. It's like I don't have control over fucking anything and my work are being cunts cutting off my weekend shift where I got penalty rates. Still staying off PMO, I just can't control anything else.
     
  14. fapdout

    fapdout Member

    I actually dreamed of starting to PMO, woke up before that happened. Still on the P wagon, wifey a little happier now I've moved to another room. Devnull I agree that PMO would only make things worse. I've also recently changed antidepressents, on lexapro now which is shit for DE, but I'm separated so not really an issue at all. I hope to eventually ditch meds altogether.
     
  15. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Looks like you are moving :) The brain making its own porn now, flashbacks. Just observe what the brain is doing and let it go, no need to buy into it. Stay of the P, and MO. then you give yourself the chance to ditch all the meds!
     
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Bob is right on.

    You're doing really great fapdout. We get healthy and the world around us does too. :)

    May I make two suggestions? Ok, great, thanks. ;) One, post more here if you can. You have a lot more knowledge than you think and by writing on your journal and others you'll discover more about what makes you tick. Two, and I mentioned this before, do all the odd jobs around your house you left by the wayside. You know, stuff like cleaning the outside windows, putting up the shelf you meant to but never did, fixing the chair with the wobbly leg, etc. This stuff saved my bacon. I didn't do it for my wife, though she nagged me she was a hornet caught in a bag. I did it for myself. My P use made me let everything just go. I did the bare minimum to keep the wife off my back, basically. Oh, my, God, I had every excuse in the book, the most prominent one being that she was a fucking, nagging, unsupportive, biotch! :eek: Anyway, the things is, it gave me stuff to do, which took my mind off of P and M and surprise, surprise, it made me feel a wee bit of a sense of accomplishment. It helps to create positive momentum.

    You're dealing bro' and that is huge. Great gains here!
     
  17. Jam

    Jam Active Member

    Keep walking, fapdout - You've got some momentum in 13 days. You don't have to fix everything at once (none of us can) but stay proactive and take things one step at a time. I respect the hell out of you for making the effort.
     
  18. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    We have a lot in common story wise but I'm ahead of you work wise. I was separated, cohabitation and coparenting with a pissy wife, ever declining income paired with ever increasing expenses, a shitty career position, antidepressants, all made impossible to deal with because of a porn addiction that had its tentacles into my core which all combined gave me a sense that there was NO WAY I could get out of it.

    I'm out of it. Or at least I am shedding one shitty piece of the pile at a time now. I got out it because when it seemed dead end I stepped away from porn being the center of my life and made myself the center of my life.

    Don't do it alone. Stay here with us. Use us to learn. Use us to stay connected. Go find some real world male buddies. Just live a little life with them. Keep the PMO in a cage. Do it one day at a time and you can get through this.

    Been there. Telling you that it can be done. And it is beautiful life for miles on this side of it.

    Good luck! Keep fighting!

    Rugger
     
  19. fapdout

    fapdout Member

    Thanks for the further comments, guys. I'm settling into separation better now. Still staying off the PMO, I've thought about it a bit but stayed on course. Saville I think you're right on about doing things for myself, that's one of the things I'm going to focus on. And I am spending some time with meatspace buddies which helps.
     
  20. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Well-Known Member

    My oldest son came home from college tonight to watch his younger brother's football game. We talked about my work. He knows of my addiction and related challenges. We were talking about the topic of having guy friends. Had I not cut my guy friends out my marriage may not have failed (I am glad it did!) and my post marriage relationship may not have failed.

    I'm hell bent on getting healthy and then letting the world sort itself out in relationship to the new me. Buddies are a key part of that healthiness. Glad to hear you are doing that and doing well!

    Rugger
     

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