| Reboot Journal | Delete all the distractions | Calm the head |

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by NightGoodMorningWood, Jan 22, 2020.

  1. A New Beginning!

    I will build a better mind and body, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second.

    So here is my message to the future me 90 days from today.

    "I am glad that you didn't give up."
     
    Merton and baywalker like this.
  2. Day 2:

    Feeling a lot of depression. I am also fighting a chronic illness and sleep deprivation for about 7 years. May or may not be related to Porn use. Hopefully I'll get better.

    Slept good yesterday.
     
  3. Day 3:

    Usually Ill fail this day or day 15. But I don't feel like PMOing today. I just feel sad and depressed and sick. When any one of these feeling affect me ill immediately PMO to feel good and feel relieved.

    Today I feel mentally strong but physically ill. But I know that my physical illness will pass soon. Mind over Matter.
     
    -Luke- likes this.
  4. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Nice username :D

    I hope you‘ll feel better soon. Take it one day at a time until then.
     
  5. Thanks. IRL, I get really strong morning wood after a good nights sleep. Even really erotic sex dreams. :D
     
  6. Day 4:

    We are the unlucky ones. If the amount of good things in the internet is a wave. Then the amount of bad things in the internet is a Tsunami. It hit me at the best part of my life, as i exit my teens and into my early twenties. If i were to time travel and meet my 18 year old self. I would just say "Be glad that your are healthy, strong and beautiful. Do not replace suffering with pleasure and do not delve in things that are not useful. Believe in yourself. It'll all come together at the end."

    Going to sleep really depressed. Got 25% increased pay at my job yesterday. I realise that my professional life is going so well. I really should be happy. But I am not. My personal life has been a slippery slope because of PMO. It's just sad.

    Played some Red Dead Redemption 2. Arthur Morgan's saga has come to an end. One of the most memorable characters in video games. Farewell friend.
     
    Merton likes this.
  7. Day 5:

    It has been hard today just in general. Shaved my head bald, well almost left about 1cm hair to cover the head for protection. I look weird af now. Decided that I will not grow my hair till I hit 90 days. Plus, I had to do it anyway.

    Had some urges when I was alone today morning. But I convinced myself, that the orgasm that I crave is not real. I have to be patient and wait. I am a good person. It's not uncommon for good people to do bad things. Even though my values are good, I developed bad habits under bad circumstances without realizing. That is OK. If I can realize it. Then I can improve upon it and fix it. I was a child then, but not now.

    I will dedicate this year, 2020, to my health. I will perform everything in my power to become the healthiest that I have ever been in my entire lifetime. There will be no other thoughts in my head. My concentration is only about my health and healing.
     
  8. Day 7:

    Today overall has been a productive day when compared to others. Feeling slightly more active. Realized while coming back home, my driving was much better than previous days. I have felt like this before. When I did a NO PMO streak last year for 15 days. I failed at 15th day but, around the middle of my streak I felt slightly like better driver. Today, I was able to look at cars and bikes around me and maneuvered with ease. Was able to switch gears more efficiently also today.

    Around 6.30-9PM there was a sudden burst of energy. I was mentally tired but was active physically. Was able to work and move with ease.

    My illness is also getting cured and steadily. Visited doctor yesterday and got medications. I am suffering a skin condition called Folliculitis for past 4 years. Having insane itches in my scalp and face and hair fall for past 1 month. This was the month I have got the most aggravation ever. It is extremely painful and unbearable. Powering through the days with just my will and hope that one day I will get better.

    I also called one of my old buddy from my college days and spoke with him. Haven't spoken with him like 2 years. I am going to make it a habit to call a new friends and family member atleast once every week even though they don't call or have completely forgotten me. I will try to connect with people more than objects.

    I pray for my body to get better day by day. If anyone else out there reading this, Pray for my health. I also pray for those praying for my betterment and for all the people in the world who suffer from depression, anxiety and chronic illnesses. May god be with you. I most definitely am with you. We will heal together.
     
  9. Day 10:

    Physically I am healing very nicely. My skin looks much healthier.


    Mentally I sense a lot of fear and anxiety. I have successfully completed the first 10 days of the 90 days. My mind sometimes thinks of pornographic thoughts. But it has been reduced. Only 1-5% of my thoughts are about PMO. I still fear a lot about relapsing like the last 5 years. But I'll keep working on it step by step.

    Life wise, this week has been extremely stressful due to work. Still have few more stressful days. I know this is a challenge for me. I will do my best.

    Personally, I am starting to think that success is just 50% luck and 50% hard work. Because I have worked real hard for lot of things that matters to me and failed miserably and left me in a disappointed state. And its not even my fault. It's just a matter of bad luck. This is also one of the reason's I PMO'ed a lot. To get rid of the feeling of being a failure. Only thing I can keep doing is concentrate and work hard on what ever I set my mind to. Ignore the distractions and false emotions. If I go down I'd rather go down swinging and put up a fight. No matter much much pressure I face. I will give everything I have and hopefully I'll get lucky at least one time.

    Day 11, Let's go.
     
  10. Day 14:
    Continuing to reboot...
     
  11. Day 15: Relapsed
    February 5-8

    Cause:
    YouTube, Media, Junk Food, Gaming and Late night sleeping.
    Hours Spent: 72 hours.
    PMO Count: 10~12 times
    Affects:
    • Bad Mood
    • Angry
    • Envious
    • Headache
    • Unable to focus
    • Depression
    • Lack of motivation
    • Worse health
    • Inability to perform simple tasks
    • Bad food choices
    • Was not able to get out of home
    • Fear
    • Pain
    • Insomnia
    • Drowsy and tired all day.
    How to prevent this in future?
    • Delete all the apps that cause distraction. Go full minimal.
    • Clean your Room.
    • Meditate atleast 20 mins a day.
    • Have a hobbie which does not involve computers.
    • Go out.
    • Have something to work and concentrate on when alone.
    • Keep busy.
    I am angry and myself for doing this. I couldn't help it. It'll usually take 4-5 weeks to reboot again. But I can be better.

    Going for 22 days, Instead of 90.


    To prevent further relapses, If I feel that I cant make it to 22nd day, after 15th day I'll allow myself to Masturbate and Orgasm once without Porn.

    Day 0: Reboot 2
     
  12. Still stuck at day 0.

    My memory is bad.
    My driving is bad.
    Feels like world is spinning. Have headaches.
    Worst I have been all year.

    But I have a good feeling today. I can feel a slight motivation to carry forward this goal I set myself for 2020. I know I can. Writing something kind of helps me clear my mind. So I'll be doing that often. When I skip posting I relapse.

    Today is going to be a good day. I have a clear mind. I have a clear goal. I know what I must do and I am doing it.

    Day 0: Reboot 3

    Mind over Matter!
     
  13. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Perhaps you shouldn't look at it in a black and white succes vs failure kind of way. If you want to succeed in something failure will very likely be part of the process. We all want to succeed straight away, but that's not really how life works, even for natural talents. And often your work will be more of a success when you allow yourself to fail. I love this quote by Michael Jordan that really points out how important failure is to success:

    I also saw you have trouble sleeping. As a person that is particularly good at sleeping ( :)) and values it a lot I wondered how your sleep hygiene is. I saw in one of your posts something about lots of media, gaming, junkfood etc. While that doesn't have to be bad thing, it might affect your sleep in negative way.
     
    NightGoodMorningWood likes this.
  14. Last few weeks has been really stressful for me, Work-wise. Yes, you are right. You do fail a lot and I think its part of the process. I quit gaming now. Trying to quit media. Already reduced amount of junk food I eat. Going full vegan too. In past month I think I had chicken only twice and stopped eating dairy. I already don't eat meat. Feeling a bit better diet wise.

    Also, trying to have a smart phone or digital detox. But my work requires me to have a smart phone, so its difficult to switch. Bought a feature/basic phone, lets see how that goes.

    Crossed Day1, relapsed.

    Rebooting again.

    Day 1: Reboot 4

    Lesson from previous relapses:

    1. Mental stress makes me want to PMO.
    2. Watching Movies and general Entertainment Media is causing Urges.
    3. Having high speed internet access in Smart Phone makes it easier to PMO.
    4. Stress related Insomnia is causing me to PMO so I can go to sleep, but that never is the solution. Never works.
    5. Loneliness is causing PMO. Should I get a dog? Hmmmm?

     
  15. Day 0: Reboot 5

    Lesson:
    1. Have no electronic items in bedroom.
    2. Don't work in your bedroom. Bedroom is for sleeping only.
    3. Try not to sleep alone. Or keep your door open.

    I am confident this time. I will make at least to 10 days. I am sure of this. Figured out major causes. All I need to do suppress the urges. Started to meditate again.

    Will keep trying till I succeed.
     
  16. Day 0: Reboot 6

    Lesson:
    1. Do not watch computers or mobile phones after 6 PM.

    Things that I do right now are not useful to me or to my body. No matter the urge, Jerking off will not give the satisfaction that I want. Need to focus on things that matters and are useful.

    Meditation, Silence and Abstinence the way forward.
     
  17. Day 2:

    Crossed day 1. This weekend is going to be hard. But if I cross this weekend I can make it to 10 days easy.

    Lesson:
    1. Post everyday to this forum for 10 mins.
    2. Don't listen to music.
    3. Try to finish all your work before 5 PM. So you can be away from computers and phone at night.
    4. Delete all the distractions.
     
    Merton likes this.
  18. Last 2 weeks has been really shit. It went bad to worse to shit to stomach turning awful few days. But I have learn't some lessons. Main issue has been "Edging". So basically, when I get the urge I will look at P and just keep clicking and browsing for hours and hours till my head turns into a mush. After I reach that point I MO. This is basically an advance version of procrastination while PMO. I tried PMO without Edging too this week and I could't believe it. The PMO session is over in 10-15mins and I didn't feel bad or guilty. It just felt like a natural thing to do. I used to be this way 5 years ago. When I get the urge i'll just do the deed and get on with my life. But this High-Speed Internet just ruined everything. There is so much content to browse and choose. Every single day there are thousand new videos to watch. I just realized that this is why YouTube and Internet Pornography has such a grip on my life. There is so much useful content in YouTube that once you start using it, you don't look at any other source to find the solutions. After a point you just depend on YouTube Guides and Tutorials to solve all your problems. My brain has all the things that I need. It's not as fast as Googling or Searching Youtube for solutions but it is just as capable, if not more. I just need to keep practicing the part of my brain that is dead because of internet. Same way Internet Pornography is feeding my urge rather than ending it. Pornography was supposed to be means to an end. Feeling lonely? Let's watch a video jerk off and go to sleep. That's how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to end the urge. But it is totally reverse. More you use Internet, more you can feed the urge because there is so much. Our mind has no filter. It takes in everything, good and bad.

    I was not always like this. It's just last 5-7 years. If I lived better without internet back then, then I can re train my mind to get back that feeling, muscle memory and that state of mind. I just need to re focus and meditate.

    Causes:
    * High-Speed Internet
    * Media
    * Edging

    Actions taken:
    * Disconnected broadband

    Still TODO:
    * Edit hosts file on computer to block all useless sites or check for any software to whitelist the good sites and block all other sites by default.

    Rebooting again. I have removed most of the distractions. What I still need to to is meditate.

    Day 0: Reboot 7
     
  19. Recap of all the things I learnt:

    Causes:

    1. Mental stress makes me want to PMO.
    2. Watching Movies and general Entertainment Media is causing Urges.
    3. Having high speed internet access in Smart Phone makes it easier to PMO.
    4. Stress related Insomnia is causing me to PMO so I can go to sleep, but that never is the solution. Never works.
    5. Loneliness is causing PMO. Should I get a dog? Hmmmm?
    6. High-Speed Internet
    7. Media
    8. Edging

    Actions taken:
    1. Disconnected broadband
    2. Quit Gaming
    3. Quit YouTube, Music and Media Consumption.
    4. Started writing journals.

    Todo:

    1. Meditate everyday without fail.
    2. Visit temples.
    3. Hobbie that doesnot involve computers.
    4. Yoga.
    5. Train your memory.
    6. More human connections.

    Lessons:
    1. Write journal and post everyday to this forum for at least 10 mins.
    2. Don't listen to music.
    3. Try to finish all your work before 5 PM. So you can be away from computers and phone at night. Do not watch computers or mobile phones after 6 PM.
    4. Delete all the distractions.
    5. Meditation, Silence and Abstinence the way forward.
    6. No matter the urge, Jerking off will not give the satisfaction that I want. Need to focus on things that matters and are useful.
    7. Have no electronic items in bedroom.
    8. Don't work in your bedroom. Bedroom is for sleeping only.
    9. Try not to sleep alone. Or keep your door open.
    10. Delete all the apps that cause distraction. Go full minimal.
    11. Clean your Room.
    12. Meditate atleast 20 mins a day.
    13. Have a hobbie which does not involve computers.
    14. Go out, walk, go to roof top, get sunlight, etc...
    15. Have something to work and concentrate on when alone. Keep busy.
    16. Connect with people more than objects, media or fantasy.
     
  20. Joe Makuza

    Joe Makuza New Member

    My head use to icth a lot as well, never found out what it was. But when i shaved my head i had red spots on the back of my head from scratching my head all the time. I recently started using aloe vera, i take it and cut in length wise then rub the inside on my head and face. After the first try it stoped itching. Now the back of my head dose not have discoloured spots any more.
     

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