I knew this was going to be a problem when I started; rebooting during social distancing. So in a way, I guess I've had time to prepare for these feelings. Even so, I haven't felt this alone in years. I've had a string of really tough days and really strong temptations. I'm 25% of the way to my goal. Definitely having a "Remind me why I'm doing this?" kind of day. I know why I'm doing this... I just hate everything right now and I'm wasting a lot of time on regret and self-loathing. It's my Ex's birthday today. I didn't think I'd be so triggered by this. I fucked that relationship up badly six years ago and I feel like all the processing I should have been doing over the last half decade is happening NOW!! All condensed into too-little time.